Life's Little Lessons
by ShepherdGirl2113
Summary: Year by year, Meredith and Derek watch their children grow and are reminded constantly about what makes their life complete- the little lessons that it teaches them.
1. Prologue: Forever

**Disclaimer- I could never come up with that finale. That was magic. That was a 'legend'. That so wasn't mine.**

**Summary- Year by year, Meredith and Derek watch their daughter grow up and teach her the lessons that life has to offer.**

**A/N- So my brand new, not-one-shot story as promised!! This is just the prologue type thing, and if I get some positive feedback on this, I might continue it. The real first chapter is mostly done-ish, so let me know if you want to read more!! About the parings- I didn't know what to do with them besides MerDer, so I made Izzie/Alex, George/Lexie, and Callie/Erica, just to follow the finale. But they have small parts in this story; it's very Meredith/Derek centric.**

The light patter of rain drops on the windowpanes that normally reminded Derek of the miserable Seattle weather, but today it came as a welcome relief. Today, just for today, he needed something concrete and to remind him that this day wasn't a beautiful and perfect dream. Derek stood up suddenly, walked out of the room and leaned against the wall. He closed his eyes and breathed in. Then out. And in again. No, everything was still in the same place.

He could hear the murmur of residents and nurses talking about him in their hushed conversations, smiles permanently plastered on their faces. Synchronized beeps and mechanical sounds from the machines in patient rooms thumped in Derek's head. And mostly, the cries of newborns screaming their presence to the world made sure of that.

No, it was all extremely real, the smells, the sights, the feelings. Derek turned and walked down the hall, his feet instinctively taking him to where he wanted to be most.

Thinking through the last twenty- four hours, Derek felt a smile grow subconsciously. She was intoxicating, absolutely intoxicating- all Derek needed to do was to think about her, the way she smelled, the velvety softness of her skin against his fingers, the perfect feeling of her in his arms, and he would be smiling like an idiot. Besides Meredith, Derek never thought that he could feel this way about anybody.

"Shep," Derek looked up and saw the chief walking towards him with a smile on his face. Everybody was happy today.

"Hey," Derek suddenly frowned, hands in pockets. "Oh, please don't tell me that you have a case for me." Richard smiled and patted him on the arm.

"No, I just wanted to say she's beautiful." There it was again, that all consuming face-eating grin. Derek could literally feel his eyes lighting up and sparkling.

"Thanks. She looks so much like Meredith." If possible, Derek's smile widened. So did the chief's, and he patted him again on the arm before walking off. No one would believe it, but Derek saw a little skip in his step. Grinning to himself, Derek continued down the hall. Nurses would stop and say congratulations, hoping to get some semblance of a conversation with Derek Shepherd, but today, he was allowed to talk to anyone he wanted to about the new love of his life.

As he approached the nursery, Derek saw crowds gathered around the glass window and was immediately worried that with the amount of people pressed against it that it would break onto his yet to be named daughter. Approaching quietly, Derek listened to the conversations of the residents, nurses, interns and even to his shock, some attendings.

"See I told you she would have blue eyes. Look at those! They're just like his…so dreamy," two interns giggled loudly, oblivious to Derek's sneaking presence.

"Oh, look at her nose! She's got the Grey nose. Hopefully that's not all she's got," the residents said, pooling their money together. Thinking more about the resident's conversation, Derek frowned. He didn't even know what half the hospital was still saying about Meredith, and she didn't care. But he did, especially when she had just blessed him with something so perfect.

"Oh my god, the lucky thing has got his hair. Hearing this, Derek ran a hand through his curls and looked around for someone he recognized. Through the crowds of people, Derek spotted a tall blonde pushed closer to the window than anyone else, using her elbows to her advantage if anyone invaded her personal space.

"Iz," he called. "Izzie!" And it suddenly went quiet to the extent that not even the babies were crying. Everyone turned to stare at him, and Derek suddenly felt extremely self- conscious. Everyone backed away slowly, retreating into the hallways and then running down them, away from him. Seemed like it was a scene from a movie, Derek thought.

"She's so beautiful, Derek," Izzie said quietly when he turned back to her. Again, with the smile.

"She looks like Meredith," he repeated.

"She does. But she has your eyes," she said, turning from Derek to the baby. "And your hair," at this Derek laughed.

"She's beautiful," Derek whispered, a little to Izzie but mostly to himself. He couldn't believe the beauty before him. He couldn't believe how lucky he was. He laughed slightly when he saw his daughter move slightly, waving her tiny fists in the air. She was unbelievable.

"Have you and Mer named her yet?"

At this, Derek sighed. "No. Everything that we come up with is too girly, too not girly, too old-ish or too Derek." Izzie turned to him.

"Too Derek? What is that?" Izzie asked. Derek laughed.

"I don't know. Ask Meredith. They both laughed slightly, cut off eventually by the sound of a pager. Derek immediately grabbed at his, completely ready to throw the stupid contraption on the ground and step on it if it was calling him to the ER or a trauma room. Izzie sighed.

"Don't worry. It's mine. Sloan. I think you're under strict orders from the chief that you get no cases today anyhow," Izzie turned, not before Derek caught her mutter _lucky_ as she ran off. He laughed to himself- the eager resident would rather stay and watch his daughter than go assist Mark on a surgery. But he could definitely understand where she was coming from. The surgeries could wait for today. And tomorrow. Maybe for a while, even.

_I'm all yours from now on, _Derek thought silently.

**MDMDMDMD**

Derek stood, leaning against the doorway of Meredith's room, smiling as her eyes fluttered open. She smiled weakly at him and then instantly frowned.

"Where's my baby?" she asked.

Derek inwardly smiled at her motherly instinct as he eased himself onto the bed beside her. He dropped light kisses on her forehead, eyes and cheeks before whispering: "at the nursery."

'The place that makes people toxic," Meredith said slowly and quietly with a laugh. Derek smiled at her and leaned in to push some of her hair out of her eyes, and letting his hand rest on the top of her head.

"Did Cristina come by?" he asked. Meredith shrugged and blinked, her eyes staying closed longer than they should have.

"Maybe," she said softly.

Derek frowned at her one word answer. "You okay?"

Meredith nodded and shifted slightly. "Yeah. Happy, tired. Mostly happy, though." Derek smiled.

"Not so dark and twisty after all, Mer," he whispered and traced a finger down her cheek, her skin almost as smooth and flawless as their daughter. She caught his hand, laced her fingers through his and squeezed.

"Not so dark and twisty after all," she agreed as Derek laid down gently beside her, pulling her body as close as he could to his.

**MDMDMDMD**

"Hey, princess," Derek whispered when the nurse wheeled his daughter into Meredith's room. He kissed Meredith's forehead gently before slipping out of the bed and picking up his daughter expertly in his arms. She was the perfect weight, not too heavy like other babies where if you held them enough, your arms felt like falling off, but not too light as an unnoticeable weight either. She was perfect in every particular. She cooed slightly, and Derek rocked her gently in the hopes of not waking Meredith. The slight noise didn't go by unnoticed and Meredith immediately opened her eyes and slowly sat up.

"What's wrong with her?" Derek turned slowly to face Meredith and leaned in to capture her lips with his own.

"Nothing. Why would something be wrong?"

Meredith narrowed her eyes at him. "She was crying." Derek rolled his eyes.

"She's a baby. Babies tend to do that, Mer." Meredith sighed and gently ran a finger down her daughter's cheek, just as Derek had done with her.

"Can I hold her?" she whispered to Derek, her hand resting on top of his.

"She's yours too," Derek said as he carefully shifted the sleeping baby to Meredith's arms. He watched with interest as she instinctively supported her head, pulled her pink blanket closer around her and whispered sweetly to her when she began to stir. How Meredith could show her own daughter this much love when her mother had shown her none whatsoever was a miracle, he thought. But it was part of who she was.

"Derek, she's so perfect," Meredith whispered to him, two tears rolling down her cheeks. Derek brushed the tears off her cheeks and slipped an arm comfortably around her shoulders, pulling Meredith closer to him.

"She's perfect," he agreed. He sat back slightly and watched Meredith and their daughter interact. Derek closed his eyes, listening to the sounds of their breathing and Meredith's quiet voice whispering low words to her.

"I'm going to love you forever. No one is going to love you as much as mommy does. Except maybe daddy. But that's it. I'm going to love you forever," Meredith whispered quietly, but not quietly enough so that Derek couldn't hear. He sat up and pressed his lips into Meredith's hair, still smelling the familiar scent of lavender.

"I'm going to love you forever, too. Both of you," Derek said.

Meredith turned and looked deep into his eyes. She had never really understood the meaning of forever until now. She hadn't really understood it when she told Derek she loved him for the first time, or when he had said it back to her, or when they had stood at the alter and said promises until death do us part. Those were glimpses of forever, but this, Meredith thought, this family and this love was the real forever. Nothing could ever break what she felt for Derek and their daughter from this moment forward. This was forever right here. This was the real until death do us part.

She leaned in and kissed him, a long sweet kiss full of life promises and love. "We're forever, Derek. This is for forever."

**MDMDMDMD**

They were interrupted when Izzie ran into the room, hands on knees, breathing hard. Meredith and Derek looked at her quizzically.

"She wasn't in the nursery, just wanted to check she was here." Izzie looked up and saw Meredith and Derek on her bed, holding the baby. "And now I'm interrupting. I can go…I'm going," she said, pointing towards the door.

Meredith laughed. "No, Iz, stay." Izzie didn't object at all and sat herself down on the edge of Meredith's bed. "Iz, didn't you have a face reconstruction with Mark? You were talking about it all of yesterday."

Izzie shrugged. "I wasn't concentrating to my full potential or whatever so Sloan kicked me out. Just as well," she said, cooing over the baby.

Derek laughed at the resident so easily distracted by the arrival of his daughter. "Who's the little baby?" Izzie asked in a voice specialized just for babies, "you're the little baby! Yes you are, you are? Aren't you just the cutest thing? You look just like your parents, you really do."

Izzie continued, tickling the baby gently and softly. Meredith rolled her eyes and gently motioned for Izzie to hold out her arms so that she could hold the baby. Izzie's eyes widened for a second and changed almost instantly, eagerly holding out her arms to take the baby.

Meredith furrowed her brow in concentration and bit her tongue between her lips, working hard on passing the baby over without waking her and not trying to move too much in the process. Derek shifted his hand lightly on the small of her back for support, in case she needed it.

"Oh, you guys, she's so perfect," Izzie murmured.

Derek shot Meredith a knowing glance before replying proudly. "We know." Meredith laughed and leaned her head on Derek's shoulder. Izzie rocked the baby gently in her arms, whispering sweet words to her and suddenly sighed, jerking both Meredith and Derek out of their thoughts.

"Dammit, I want one! When is Alex going to step it up?"

Derek laughed knowingly. "Not anytime soon. Trust me." Izzie narrowed her eyes at him and Derek raised his hands in mock innocence. "Just calling it like I see it."

Izzie gently but quickly shoved the baby back into Derek's arms, everyone amazed that she was still able to sleep through the noise and movement. _Like Meredith_, Derek thought.

"Oh my god, watch it!" Izzie yelled loudly when she collided with a tall body as she turned for the door. He caught her arms and held her steady, in case she fell.

"Love you too, Stevens. But I'm here to see the Shepherd kid, not you." Izzie narrowed her eyes at Mark. He smiled at Meredith and smirked at Derek.

"Now this kid would be really unlucky if she had your nose, Derek," Mark joked as the baby was placed into his arms. Derek's eyes stared into Mark's head wanting it to explode.

"I have a daughter and all you can say is that you hope that she doesn't have my nose," Derek said in shock.

"I had the baby, Der," Meredith slipped in quietly. Izzie eased down on the bed next to Mark, peering over his shoulder to get a closer look at the baby.

"Mer, whose side are you on?" Derek asked.

"Yes, _Der_, Meredith had the baby. And for the record, she's on my side." Mark said.

"I broke my nose three times, two of those times, thanks to you," Derek stated.

"I'm on nobody's side. I have no sides," Meredith replied quietly, lying back slowly. Derek immediately dropped the banter and turned to her quickly just in case he was needed. Meredith smiled at him and grasped his arm gently. "Thanks," she whispered.

Derek shrugged. "It's what I'm here for, Mer." A look of disgust passed Mark's face.

"Okay, that's just gross. Both of you. What happened to the dark and sad, or whatever you called it?"

"Dark and twisty?" Derek supplied. He shrugged. "We want to be bright and shiny from now on."

"I think it's sweet," Izzie offered.

Mark snorted. "I don't."

The baby gave a loud cry and all conversations and movements stopped immediately. Mark looked up quickly at Derek, but to his surprise Derek didn't offer any help to him. Mark awkwardly rocked the baby, moving her back and forth, patting her gently and to everyone's surprise, the loud crying ceased. Mark stole a glance up at Derek, who was careful to not show too much emotion in the scene he just witnessed or laugh out loud entirely.

"No guy is ever going to be good enough for you, kid," Mark whispered. Derek smiled and leaned into Meredith, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. He had to say it, Mark walked right into it.

"Now _that_ was sweet," Derek said, carefully containing his laughter. Meredith and Izzie both laughed instantaneously.

"Shut up, Shep."

**MDMDMDMDMD**

"Oh, god everyone is happy. Like Mary Poppins type happy," Cristina groaned loudly when she entered the room propelled in by George and Alex, pushing her with all their strength.

"She's glad to see you guys too," Alex said sarcastically, standing up suddenly and letting Cristina and George drop to the floor. Cristina looked ready to jump on Alex and rip his eyes out.

"So let's see the baby," George said quickly, standing up and moving to Meredith's side. Meredith pointed at Mark, who had not let go of the baby for the past hour, claming he needed practice for when he and Izzie had one. George looked over Mark's shoulder at the sleeping bundle in his arms and sighed.

"Oh she's cute. Cuter than any of the babies we used to look at in the nursery. Remember, when we were interns?" Meredith immediately went a shade of bright red and looked down at her hands. She could feel Derek's eyes staring holes into her body.

"I didn't know you did that," Derek stated simply.

"Yeah, who would have thought, the Queen of Dark and Twisty melting over the tiny tots," Mark added in when he saw the opportunity. Meredith turned a brighter shade of red and Derek shot Mark a if-you-make-her-cry-or-hurt-her-in-any-way-whatsoever-I-will-personally-kill-you look. Derek thought that he could hear Meredith mutter the word _relaxing_, but he wasn't sure.

"She's cute, George," Meredith said back to him, when her face had returned a normal color again. George smiled. Alex joined George's side, looking over Mark's shoulder.

"Hey, Shep, she has your eyes. And the hair obviously," Alex said, assessing the baby carefully. Derek smiled proudly.

"She has Mer's nose and ears though. And her mouth."

"That's why she's lucky," Mark added in. Everyone sighed at Mark ruining the perfect moment.

"I thought we dropped the nose thing," Derek said. Mark shrugged and shook his head no.

"Why is Sloan with the one with the baby anyhow?" Cristina asked, moving closer to the group, but still keeping her distance.

Meredith shrugged. "Then you hold her." Cristina stared blankly. "Mark, give

Cristina the baby." Everyone looked at Meredith in horror, even Cristina. Mark slowly handed Cristina the baby, both of them keeping a hold on her neither one willing to let go and step back.

"Mark, let her hold the baby," Derek said, after about two minutes of exasperating shifting back and forth. Mark reluctantly let go, leaving the full responsibility of the newborn Shepherd baby in the arms of Cristina Yang.

"What do you think, Cristina?' Meredith asked after a long silence. Cristina shrugged.

"She's okay, I guess. But no more. I swear everyone is getting less dark and twisty thanks to _this_," she said, gesturing to the bundle in her arms.

Derek frowned. "_This_ has a name, Yang." Everyone, including Meredith looked at him.

"No she doesn't," they all said in unison. Derek sat back in thought.

"Derek, you better not be thinking of more Derek-y names," Meredith said, as if reading his mind.

"Beth," he said.

"No."

"Lorraine"

"No."

"Mary,"

"Could you come up with something less Derek, please?" Meredith asked, exasperated.

Derek frowned. "Then you come up with one."

"Rebecca," Mark suggested.

"Katherine," George said.

"Megan," Alex offered.

"Elizabeth," Izzie proposed.

"Julia," the Chief said as he walked into the room, immediately catching on to the conversation. Meredith and Derek both sighed.

"No, no, no, no" Meredith said. "And Elizabeth is already being used as a middle name, after Derek's mom," she said to Izzie. Izzie looked somewhat pleased. Meredith flopped back onto the bed and pressed the heel of her hands into her eyes. Cristina passed the baby back to Derek, who welcomed his daughter with open arms.

"We're never going to find a name for her Derek," Meredith sighed.

Derek smiled at her, though slightly unsure of himself. "We'll find one, Mer. They're tons of names out there."

Meredith now looked close to tears. "And we've heard half of them and they're just not right," she said. Everything went quiet.

"Cassidy," Cristina said suddenly, through the silence. Everyone in the room turned to look at her. Meredith and Derek sat in silence and slowly turned to each other.

'Cassidy. Cassidy Elizabeth Shepherd," she said quietly, looking at the baby in her arms. Meredith smiled a smile like no other.

"That's the name," Meredith whispered. All at once, noise broke out in the room, loud comments on the new Shepherd baby's name and what they thought of it. Cristina smiled smugly, looking pleased with herself, and Mark looked angry that Cristina's suggestion had been taken and his hadn't.

Meredith sighed and drew Derek's arm around her, moving close into his body. "She's our Cassidy, Derek," she whispered to him only, stroking a finger down Cassidy's cheek.

_Now, he's wrapped around her finger_

_She's the center of his whole world,_

_And his heart belongs to that sweet, beautiful, wonderful, perfect_

_All-American Girl_

_-Carrie Underwood_

**A/N- I'm not sure if I like this. I liked the idea originally, but I'm not sure if I wrote it in the correct way. Anyhow, if you want to see this continued, let me know by leaving a review, or if you have something to say, leave me a review. You know the drill. I do have more of this story, a whole 20 chapters worth, but I won't continue it if there is no interest in it. Let me know!!**

**So…yay or nay?**


	2. Another Year, One

**Disclaimer- Still not mine. Maybe one day…**

**A/N- So I've decided to continue this story after all! Thanks to all of those who have read and left reviews- they really do mean so much to me. So thank you. Again. Sorry this has taken so long. I had to rewrite most of this chapter because I wasn't satisfied with what I had originally. I'm still not, but oh well.**

Derek opened his eyes, blinked twice, and smiled. He was greeted by the bright sunshine, a treat in Seattle, and the strong gold of his wife's hair. He allowed himself to enjoy the moment for a couple more minutes, pulling Meredith closer into his body and smoothing her hair away from her face. He buried his nose into her neck and showered butterfly kisses on the nape of her neck. Three breaths, he told himself, three breaths and he would get up.

One, the vanilla of her body spray flowed into his system.

Two, the laundry detergent they often argued over warmed his blood.

Three, the always familiar lavender scent from Meredith's conditioner filled his nose and seeped into his brain. He wondered how he could ever love someone so much.

Derek reluctantly lifted his body from the bed and pressed a kiss to Meredith's temple. "I love you, Mer," he whispered to her before walking out of the room and clicking the door close softly.

He walked down the hallway, paying close attention to the numerous photos that adorned the walls. Pictures of Cass taking her first steps, a joyous and triumphant smile on her face, Cass in her highchair, food smeared on her face and a sippy cup in one hand, and his personal favorite, Cass sleeping in her crib, her face turned to the side and her hands curled into loose fists. In that photo, Derek saw his daughter's innocence, beauty and grace captured in its true essence. He opened the door next to his and Meredith's bedroom and shuffled in as quietly as he could.

Walking over to the crib, Derek could already feel the smile growing on his lips. One year ago, he had been blessed with the best gift of his life since Meredith.

"Hey Princess," Derek whispered, stroking his index finger down his daughter's cheek. "Happy birthday."

Derek watched, barely breathing as he watched Cass open her blue eyes, blue enough to match his own and look up at him, taking the thumb that she was sucking out of her mouth. He had often tried to stop that habit, but it was incredibly difficult for Derek to deny his daughter whatever she wanted.

"Dada," she said softly as she waved her tiny fists up at Derek. Derek quickly felt his heart expand to three times its size and he reached down to gently cradle his daughter in his arms and bring her up so that her head rested on his shoulder. He felt her little arms come around his neck, and Derek instinctively cradled Cass tighter.

He kissed the crown of her head, noticing the smells of baby powder, Johnson's baby shampoo and lavender. Derek smiled slightly; he couldn't escape the scent of lavender anywhere in the house. Not that he wanted to.

He heard the door click shut and turned to see a slightly sleepy Meredith wrapped in his robe walk into the room. Derek smiled and shifted Cass to one arm, allowing himself to wrap his arm across her shoulders. "Morning," he whispered softly, placing a light kiss to her temple.

"Morning," she whispered in return, edging closer into him.

Derek watched as Meredith rubbed Cass's back, drawing her fingers in small circles over the soft cotton. "Happy birthday, baby girl," he heard Meredith whisper to her.

**MDMDMDMDMDMD**

"So who's coming today?" Derek asked again, making faces while he fed Cass.

Meredith drummed her fingers on the counter, waiting for the coffee to heat up. "Come on," she grumbled.

"Mer," Derek said again, more loudly.

She turned to face him and smiled sweetly. "Yeah?"

"Who's coming today?" he asked again.

"Oh, Cristina, Izzie, Alex, George, Lexie, Bailey, if she can make it, and Mark," Meredith said, counting off the names on her fingers. She poured the coffee into two cups, mixed sugar into one, milk into another and walked out to the dining room. They lived in beautiful, but not too large Victorian house. It was designed by both Meredith and Derek, but they took a couple their ideas from the house plans that Derek had first drawn up. Meredith had few demands; a room where their kids could eventually play, a bedroom that overlooked the city and a place where she could store her mother's old things but still be able to access them when she wanted to. Derek simply wanted a comfortable bed, a big bathtub and enough rooms for any children they might have in the future.

"Thanks," Derek said, taking a sip from the cub that Meredith set in front of him. Meredith kissed the top of Cass's head and slipped into the chair next to Derek. She brushed a stray curl on Derek's forehead back into its place and let her hand rest on his shoulder while he broke a little piece of a cheese slice off and handed it to Cass. Meredith watched as her daughter examined the piece of cheese carefully in her small hands and shove the cheese and half her palm into her mouth. They continued this process mostly in silence just watching Cass amuse herself over her breakfast.

"No," Cass finally said loudly, breaking the silence, shoving at the food that Derek handed to her. Meredith laughed and broke off half the remaining cheese slice, eating it slowly just like Derek had done with Cass.

"I'll never understand why she likes cheese so much in the morning," Derek said, wiping the remaining bits off of Cass's face. She smiled and reached up to him, indicating she wanted to be carried. Derek placed Cass on his lap and turned to Meredith.

Meredith shrugged. "I used to like cheese in the morning when I was little." She paused, narrowing her eyes, trying to remember. "Or maybe not. I can't really remember. But I like it now," she said. "You would know."

Derek paused and smiled. "Ah. Grilled cheese and cold pizza. I remember."

"And cheese fries. Once," Meredith added in.

Derek made a face. "Mer, that's just sad. Do those even taste good after a night in the refrigerator?"

"They did actually," Meredith said laughing. She handed the last piece of cheese to Derek and watched his face as he swallowed.

"I'll never understand why you and Cass eat that," he said.

"It's good!" Meredith exclaimed she took a sip of her coffee.

"It's all processed," Derek reminded her.

Meredith shrugged and kissed his cheek. "You still love me though," she said softly.

Derek caught her gaze and leaned in for a kiss. "I still love you, Mer," he agreed.

**MDMDMDMDMD**

"Okay, Cass, what do you want to wear today?" Meredith asked, holding Cass on her hip in front of her extensive wardrobe, contributed to largely by Derek, Cristina and Izzie.

Cass took her hand out of her mouth and drew her hand across the contents of the wardrobe.

"Okay," Meredith said slowly with one arm wrapped around Cass's little waist, "What about this one?" She held up a sweater with a printed yellow duck on the side, courtesy of Aunt Izzie.

"No," Cass said loudly, thumping her fist on Meredith's arm. Meredith put the sweater back to join its numerous others.

"What about this one, Cass? This looks cute," Meredith said, holding up a denim jacket and skirt ensemble from Cristina.

"No," Cass said again, more loudly.

"What do you want to wear Cass?" Meredith asked again, moving closer into the open doors of the wardrobe so that Cass could see her options. She watched her daughter look at the contents of her wardrobe extremely carefully, as if she were taking her decision seriously.

Cass reached forward and pulled on a white dress that Derek had brought home one night after work. When Meredith asked where he had gotten the dress, Derek had simply shrugged and said he had some time off. Meredith had guessed Derek went out during his lunch break.

Meredith took the dress off its little hanger and held it up for Cass to look at. "This one?" she asked again.

Cass nodded vigorously and shoved her hand back into her mouth, smiling. Meredith laughed and set Cass down on the changing table, peeling off her pyjamas.

Meredith looked at Cass, an innocent little baby in a white dress on her first birthday and wondered if her mother ever did this for her.

"I want this day to be special for you, Cass," Meredith said while tying the satin bow at the back of the dress. She lifted Cass back onto her hip and looked into her eyes. She was perfect, the perfect mix of her and Derek.

Meredith kissed the soft flesh of her daughter's cheek. "I want you to have everything that I didn't have."

**MDMDMDMDMDMD**

"You look so pretty, Princess," Derek said as he saw Meredith and Cass coming down the stairs. Cass squealed in glee at seeing her father and reached her hands out to him.

"So what were you planning on doing today, Mer?" Derek asked as he took Cass into his arms.

Meredith sighed at sat down on the couch. "I don't know. I've never done this before."

Derek sat down next to Meredith, standing Cass up on his lap and making faces at her. Meredith reached over and ticked Cass's stomach, her laughter ringing through the house.

"Well, did you have any ideas?" Derek asked softly.

Meredith pulled Derek's arm around her shoulders and laced her fingers through his. "I know Izzie's making a cake thing. And people are bringing presents."

Derek nodded thoughtfully. "That sounds good."

"Is it enough?" Meredith asked suddenly. Derek turned to her.

"Of course it is, Mer."

"I want this to be special for her, Derek," Meredith said quietly.

"It will be." Derek promised. He squeezed her hand while bouncing Cass on his lap.

They sat in silence, watching Cass's smile widen as she looked up at her parents looking down at her.

The door slammed in the foyer, followed by a loud bang. "Mer! I'm here." Derek felt Cass jump slightly at the noise and he cradled her closer into his body while rubbing her back.

"Cristina?" Meredith called while standing up, walking into the foyer. She stopped short when she saw her friend. "Wow."

"I brought food," Cristina said simply holding up three large take out bags and a badly wrapped present tucked under her arm.

"I see that," Meredith said, taking the bags from Cristina and walking into the kitchen with them.

"So where is she?" Cristina asked, taking a bagel out of one of the bags. Meredith handed her a cup of coffee and sat down across from Cristina at the breakfast table.

"Hey Cristina," Derek said as he walked into the kitchen with Cass on his hip.

"Shepherd," Cristina acknowledged plucking a rasin out of her bagel.

"Cwis," Cass said loudly as she pulled her hand out of her mouth and reached out to Cristina. Derek laughed and passed Cass over to Cristina. He had his doubts about how Cristina would feel towards Cass, but she was, as Meredith liked to call it, Cristina-affectionate towards the baby.

"Hey, how come she's not wearing the outfit I bought her?" Cristina asked when she looked at Cass's white dress. She handed Cass one of the rasins on the side of her plate.

Meredith shrugged. "She chose the dress."

"It's a hardcore outfit, Mer. She'd look cool in it," Cristina said. She handed Cass another rasin. Cass shoved the little treat into her mouth and reached up and grabbed one of Cristina's wild curls.

"We don't pull hair, Cass" Derek said gently as he took hold of Cass's hand and pried Cristina's hair from it.

Meredith laughed. She remembered instances when Derek had sat Cass on his shoulders and she had grabbed a fistful of his hair and tugged. She had a surprisingly strong grip, he had remarked afterward.

The front door slammed again and the voices of Alex and Izzie, overridden by George and Lexi carried into the kitchen.

"We're in the kitchen," Meredith called out to them.

"Hey guys," Izzie said as she bounced in, setting a large, decorated cake on the table. She walked straight to Cristina and picked up Cass. "Hey cutie," she said, kissing Cass's cheek. "Happy birthday." Izzie walked around the kitchen, bouncing Cass on her hip, talking in a hushed voice to her.

"Mer, what do you want me to do with these?" George asked as he walked into the kitchen, boxes and gifts stacked in his arms. Meredith's eyes widened as she looked at the gifts and moved the bags of food to the counter.

"What did you get her?" Derek asked incredulously as he helped George to set the boxes and gifts down onto the table.

George stretched his arms and shrugged. "They're mostly Izzie's, except from the three from Alex, Lexi and me."

"Hey, Cass," Alex said, walking into the kitchen and pinching her cheek lightly. He picked up a croissant from one of the bags and took a large bite out of it.

"Who are we waiting for?" Lexi asked sitting down next to Cristina and smiling slightly at her. Cristina grunted in acknowledgement.

"Mark," Derek said, noticing his friend was missing. "He's always late."

"And Bailey," Meredith added in. "She might be bringing Tuck as well."

"She was still on call when I went in this morning to check on my patients," Izzie said, her eyes still on Cass.

Meredith sighed and drummed her fingers quickly on the kitchen counter. Derek stood up and went to Meredith's side, placing his hand on the small of her back.

"Mer, it's okay," Derek said softly to her.

Meredith looked at him and shook her head. "It's not Derek. I want this to be perfect. I want someone who isn't over the age of twenty here for her."

"It can still be perfect," Derek assured her.

The door in the foyer slammed again. "The party can start!"

"Mark's here," Derek said with a smile, taking Meredith's hand.

Meredith smiled and squeezed Derek's hand. "Mark's here," she agreed.

"Where's the birthday girl?" Mark asked as he walked into the kitchen, rubbing his hands together.

"Shh!" Izzie said loudly, cuddling Cass closer. "You're scaring her."

Cass thumped her fists twice on Izzie's shoulder and arm, trying to maneuver her way out of Izzie's grasp. "Mak!" Cass said loudly.

"Hey kiddo," Mark said, laughing slightly as he pulled Cass into his arms. "Happy birthday." Everyone was silent as Mark made a face and Cass laughed loudly. Mark had always been good with Cass, sitting with her and rocking her at the Seattle Grace daycare center when no one else was free to spend time with her.

"Let's eat cake," Mark said. "Apparently Stevens's baking is legendary. I haven't eaten all day."

"Bailey and Tuck aren't here yet," Meredith said.

"Uh, Mer," George said, rubbing the back of his head. "I need to be back by three. And it's one thirty."

"Three thirty," Lexie said, raising her hand slightly.

"Five," Alex said proudly, as if it were a competition.

"It's okay, Mer," Derek whispered to her and squeezed her hand again.

Meredith shook her head and unlaced her fingers from Derek's. "We'll just do cake and presents now." Meredith pulled Cass's high chair from the corner and set it against the table. "Derek, could you get the camera?" Derek hesitated, his eyes on Meredith's. "Please, Derek," she asked again.

"Iz, could you get the cake?" Meredith asked softly, taking Cass from Mark's arms and holding her close as she set her in the high chair.

Izzie silently set the cake with a single candle in front of Cass as the doorbell rang.

"I've got it," Derek called from the foyer. Meredith smiled as she saw Derek and Bailey holding Tuck's hand.

"Hey," Meredith said, breathing out a sigh of relief. "Thanks for coming." Cass clapped her hands when she saw Tuck.

"Tuck, go stand with George," Bailey said releasing her son's hand. George reached out his hand and brought Tuck up to his hip. "Sorry I'm late."

Meredith smiled and lit the candle.

"Shepherd, give me the camera."

Derek looked down at the camera in his hand. "It's fine, I can take the photos."

Bailey sighed and took the camera from his hands. "It's your girl's birthday, go take pictures," she said, pointing towards the group congregated around Cass.

Derek laughed and held up his hands in surrender. "You have to press-"

"Shepherd," she said silencing him. "I am a surgeon. I can figure out how to use a camera."

"Blow out your candle baby girl," Meredith said softly to Cass after an off- tune Happy Birthday song. Cass looked up at her father on one side and her mother on the other side, her expression confused, and slapped her hand into Izzie's perfectly decorated cake.

"Yes!" Mark said, clapping loudly. Cass laughed at her chocolate covered hand, followed by everyone else's laughter.

"You okay, Mer?" Derek asked, whispering into her ear, smiling at the show their daughter just put on.

Meredith kissed him quickly and nodded. Izzie was laughing hysterically with Alex's arm wrapped loosely around her waist. Mark was still clapping, George was trying to relieve Tuck of his hiccups from laughing and Cristina and Bailey were smiling.

"Derek, this is exactly what I wanted for her," Meredith whispered back.

**MDMDMDMDMDMD**

"She's one, Iz," Alex said, nudging Izzie next to him.

"So?" she asked defiantly.

"That's a lot of clothing for a baby," Alex said, gesturing to the five designer outfits spread in front of Cass on the floor.

"It's not that many," Izzie insisted. "The sweater and the skirt are really only one outfit and the hat can go with the dress, so really, it's only three outfits."

No one said anything to contradict Izzie's reasoning. "Well this was really great Iz. You didn't have to go through all this trouble," Meredith said, lifting Cass onto her lap.

Izzie shrugged. "It was fun."

"I'm next," Lexie said, handing Meredith a wrapped package. Meredith smiled and placed it in front of Cass, watching her struggle with the wrapping paper in her small hands.

"It's a xylophone," Lexie said, gesturing at the Fisher Price box. Molly and I used to play with it when we were younger and Laura likes it a lot, so I thought Cass might." Meredith froze slightly at the mention of her other family, but she smiled and thanked Lexie, opening the box for Cass and letting her hit the plastic notes.

Cass looked up at Meredith when she discovered the sound she could make and laughed loudly. From across the circle of people crowded around Cass in the living room, Derek smiled and quickly captured the moment between his wife and daughter on camera.

"Here," Alex said, placing a flat package in Cass's hands. She eagerly tore at the paper, revealing a copy of the Velveteen Rabbit.

"My dad used to read it to my sisters and me before he died," Derek said quietly from across the room, looking at the book in his daughter's hands. Meredith looked at Derek, his eyes on the book, and wished she could go to him. He rarely talked about his father. She was vaguely aware of Mark's eyes straight on the wood panelling of the floor.

"My father read those books to me once, you know, Goodnight Moon, the Rainbow Fish. This was my favorite one," Alex said, breaking the silence that Derek created. Meredith looked down at the cover Cass was so intrigued with. She remembered reading the book to herself in the elementary school library, pronouncing the difficult words to herself.

"Thanks, Alex. I loved this book," Meredith said. Alex nodded at her.

"Mine is not as meaningful as every one else's," George said as he handed Meredith a large bag.

Meredith laughed as she pulled out Wiggles, Barney and Sesame Street DVD's.

"She's going to love you for that, O'Malley," Derek said, smiling.

"Thanks for providing her with hours of fun, George," Meredith said, stacking the pile of DVD's on the floor. Cass immediately stuffed her hand in her mouth and smiled when she saw her TV friends on the covers of the DVD's.

"I know you're going to appreciate this," Mark said, looking at Derek. He set a colorful gift bag in front of Cass.

"Oh my god," Derek said, laughing as Cass pulled out a teddy bear from the bag. "Where did you get that?"

Mark laughed and shrugged. "I saw it in the gift shop of Seattle Pres, when I did a procedure there."

"It looks exactly like Mr. Snuffles," Derek said, shaking his head. Alex held in a laugh.

"Mr. who?" Bailey asked loudly, holding a sleeping Tuck on her lap.

"Mr. Snuffles was Derek's childhood best friend," Mark said, pointing to the bear Cass was cuddling.

"I thought you were his best friend," Meredith asked Mark.

Mark shrugged. "Derek loved his bear," he said "So anyhow. One day I take that bear, rip of its head and flush it down the toilet."

"You were jealous of my bear," Derek shot back, shaking his head.

"We were ten," Mark said. Alex laughed harder.

"Moving on from this very touching story of youth," Bailey said, removing a package from her back and handing it to Cass.

"I was going to get that," George and Lexie said simultaneously when Cass revealed a plastic doctor's kit.

"Tuck still plays with his," Bailey said, brushing a curl of her son's forehead. Meredith wrapped the red stethoscope around Cass's neck. Cass looked up at Meredith and stuffed her hand back into her mouth.

"Okay," Cristina grumbled, handing Meredith the badly wrapped package she had been shielding.

Meredith set the gift in front of Cass, helping her to work through the tape wrapped around the package.

"Oh," Izzie said when she saw the gift. "I always wanted one."

"It's beautiful, Cristina," Meredith said quietly, holding onto Cass's hands to make sure she didn't drop the little porcelain doll.

"She probably can't play with it, but maybe she can one day. I had one when I was younger. It was okay," Cristina said.

"This is beautiful, Cristina," Meredith repeated. "Thank you."

"Say thank you, Cass," Derek prompted.

Cass looked around the room, at her parents and at her doll. "Tank oou," she said eventually, looking down at her doll.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Derek's eyes opened instantly when he reached for Meredith and felt the empty bed. He got out of bed, closing their door quietly behind him. Derek smiled as he walked to Cass's room, observing the pictures that were on the wall. He wondered how many more they would add over the years.

"Hey," Derek said softly walking over to Meredith standing over Cass's crib. He slipped his arm around her waist pulled her into him.

"Hey," she said back, leaning into him. They were silent, watching Cass sleep, her arm wrapped loosely around her own Mr. Snuffles and Cristina's doll sitting at the bottom of her crib.

"What's wrong?" Derek whispered softly, pressing light kisses to her jawline.

"Nothing, Derek. I'm fine," she said.

"Mer," Derek said again, his tone telling her that he didn't believe her.

"She had fun today, right? I mean, she was smiling the whole day and doing that thing where she puts her hand into her mouth, so she was happy, right?"

Derek thought her question through and wondered why she would ask that. "Yeah, she was happy, Mer. There are about two hundred pictures to prove it."

Meredith nodded but didn't say anything. She stroked her index finger down Cass's cheek, just as Derek had done that morning.

"You're a good mother, Meredith," Derek said to her softly, wrapping his other arm around her waist, holding her tightly.

Meredith moved closer into Derek and sighed. "I want her to be happy. I don't want her to have the childhood I had."

"You're not your mother, Mer." Meredith was silent, holding onto the side of the crib tightly. "We have every baby book ever printed," Derek said, running his hands along her arms. "And you bought most of them. You insisted on the daycare center because you wanted to have her as close to you as possible. You organized everything for her today, you held her while she opened her presents. You're not your mother and that says so much about you, Mer."

"She was happy today," Meredith said finally, linking her hand with Derek's.

"She was happy today," Derek agreed. He kissed her temple and breathed in her scent. She would always smell like lavender and that comforted him.

"Love you, Derek," Meredith said tiredly.

Derek smiled. He would always love hearing that from her. "I love you too, Mer," Derek whispered to her. They stood in silence, watching Cass's breathing patterns, the way her hand curled around her bear and had no incentive to leave their daughter's room.

**A/N- I didn't love this update. But if you have the time, please, let me know what you thought. Thanks for reading, and I will try to get the next update up as soon as possible. Sorry if the chapter title was confusing!**


	3. A Companion, Two

**A/N- Thanks for all of you who have read and reviewed! It really does help me when I have all these comments about what I'm writing. So thank you to all of you who have done so. I'm feeling a bit better about this chapter, so I hope you enjoy!**

Meredith walked down the hallway to her daughter's room, looking at the framed photo in attempt to wake herself up. She smiled at the photos that Derek insisted they have framed the year before, photos of their friends surrounding Cass on her first birthday with her and Derek on either side, ones of her and Cass surrounded by presents.

Meredith opened the door of the redecorated nursery, laughing slightly at the image of her daughter curled up on her bed with pillows on both side of the bed just in case she rolled off. She walked up to the side of Cass's bed, leaning so she could get a good view of her. Meredith pulled a dark blonde curl away from Cass's face and ran her fingers through her hair. Her hair had been almost close to strawberry blonde when she was younger and had gradually darkened as she grew older. Meredith wondered how much darker her hair would get with time.

"Cass," Meredith whispered softly, shaking Cass's shoulder slightly. Cass's blue eyes opened slowly blinking twice before reaching out to Meredith and wrapping both her arms around Meredith's neck. "Morning, baby girl," Meredith said, standing up and kissing Cass's cheek. Cass's legs immediately went around Meredith's waist as Meredith carried Cass down the stairs.

"Hey," Derek said as Meredith walked into the kitchen with Cass in her arms.

"Want to say good morning to Daddy?" Meredith asked, shaking Cass slightly. Cass lifted her head from Meredith's shoulder and wriggled her way out of her mother's grasp. She ran over to Derek, stumbling once and attempted to climb up the kitchen chair into his lap. Derek smiled and lifted Cass onto his lap.

"Morning, Princess," Derek said, kissing the top of her head. Cass leaned against him, her eyes closing slowly.

"Early surgery?" Meredith asked, taking a sip of Derek's coffee.

"Hemispherectomy," Derek replied, taking the cup from Meredith and downing the remains.

"Any room left?" Meredith asked lightly.

Derek thought for a moment. "I think I have an intern with me," he said. "Sorry."

"It's fine. I can catch up on charting."

Cass shifted in Derek's arms. "I have a DBS at two," Derek said. "Want to scrub in?"

Meredith thought back to the first DBS surgery she had scrubbed in on. The way she had held their patient's hands, the way her and Derek's eyes met over the OR table. "Yeah," Meredith said, happy that she had a surgery to relieve her from a relatively boring day. "Thanks."

"Remember our first DBS?" Derek asked softly.

Meredith smiled, thinking that Derek had read her thoughts. "Yeah. I do."

"Daddy," Cass said suddenly, her eyes fully open.

"Yeah, Princess?" Derek said, pulling Cass's hair away from her face.

"Daddy, I wants puppy," Cass said, tugging at his sleeve.

Meredith laughed at the sudden outburst. "Okay, Princess. We'll get you one," Derek casually said standing up, smiling at what Cass said.

"Love you," Derek said as he pulled on his jacket and slung his bang over his shoulder. He kissed Cass then Meredith quickly, their daily routine.

Meredith took Cass back into her arms and picked at Derek's unfinished Muesli pieces. "Love you too," Meredith said.

Derek smiled at her over his shoulder. "Bye, Princess," Derek said as he walked foyer, his footsteps echoing on the wood floors.

"Bye Bye Daddy," Cass said loudly, her voice carrying to her father.

**MDMDMDMDMDMD**

Derek pulled his mask down to his neck and pressed the button on the scrub sink. "You did well in there, Mer," he said, smiling as he scrubbed his arms.

Meredith smiled and felt her cheeks heat up. She had been married to Derek for almost three years but when they were in the OR, she saw a side of greatness in him that only surgery brought out. "Thanks," she said.

Derek handed Meredith a couple paper towels and leaned against the sink. "I have to check on my hemispherectomy, could you check on Mr. Johnson?"

Meredith wiped her arms and rolled the paper towels into a ball. "Yeah. Meet me at the daycare center when you're done?"

Derek nodded and threw both his and Meredith's paper towels in the trash. "Derek," Meredith called as he walked away. He turned on his heels to face her. "Cass was serious about that puppy. She kept asking about it in the car this morning." Derek narrowed his eyes having no recollection of any puppy. "That puppy she asked about this morning. She was sitting on your lap and she said she wanted a puppy," Meredith said.

"Oh!" Derek said, suddenly remembering the conversation. "She was serious about that?" he asked, incredulous.

Meredith nodded, a smirk on her face. "Good luck explaining to Cass that she isn't getting her puppy."

Derek frowned. "I'll think of something," he said, walking away.

"Don't think about getting her a dog, Derek," Meredith called after him.

**MDMDMDMDMDMD**

"Hey, Princess," Derek said to Cass as she ran out to him, swinging her into his arms. "Did you have fun today?"

Cass nodded vigorously, leaning her head on Derek's shoulder.

"Sorry," Meredith said, running up to them, out of breath. "I had to explain the whole procedure to the family."

"I already did this afternoon," Derek said, incredulous.

Meredith shrugged. "There was another daughter here," she said. "She asked a lot of questions."

"Mommy!" Cass said loudly, interrupting her parents' conversation.

"Hey, baby girl," Meredith said, going on her toes to kiss Cass's cheek. "Got a kiss for Mommy?" Cass leaned forward and kissed Meredith's cheek.

Meredith pulled Cass's bag onto her shoulder. "Ready to go?" she asked.

Derek nodded and took Meredith's hand. "Let's go home," Derek said, smiling.

"Daddy, I wants puppy." Cass said remembering their earlier conversation.

Derek groaned and Meredith laughed. "I told you, Derek," she said, squeezing his hand.

"Princess, now might not be the best time for you to get a puppy, " Derek said to her slowly, leaning down so that Cass could press the down button for the elevator.

"Daddy," Cass whined, drawing out her syllables.

Derek sighed and looked to Meredith. Meredith simply shrugged, one saying she would help if she could.

"Please Daddy," Cass said again, tugging at Derek's jacket collar.

"Cass," Meredith said in a warning tone. "We don't pull things."

"Press 1, Cass," Derek reminded Cass as they stepped into the elevator.

"Daddy," Cass said again, wrapping her arms around Derek's neck and squeezing hard. "Daddy, I wants puppy."

"Princess, we can't just get you a puppy," Derek explained to Cass, rubbing her back.

"Why?" she asked immediately.

"Because," Derek began, pausing when he had no answer.

"Why, Daddy?" Cass asked again, pulling Derek's jacket zipper up and down.

"Cassidy," Meredith said again, her tone sharp. "What did Mommy and Daddy tell you about doing that?"

"I'll think about it, Cass," Derek said eventually.

"Derek!" Meredith exclaimed. The doors opened to reveal Mark waiting on the other side.

"It's the Shepherds!" Mark exclaimed loudly.

"Uncle Mark!" Cass said loudly, clapping her hands when she saw him.

Mark laughed and leaned down for a kiss. "Did you have fun at daycare?" he asked her.

Cass nodded. "I gets a puppy, Uncle Mark," Cass said.

Mark's raised his eyebrows and he looked to Meredith and Derek. "Really?" he asked Cass.

"Maybe, Cass," Derek corrected. Meredith rolled her eyes.

"When you get your puppy, Cass, make sure you name him after me," Mark said to her, stepping into the elevator. Cass nodded seriously and waved goodbye.

"It's only maybe, Cass," Derek reminded her again as they walked out of Seattle Grace, the perfect image of a family.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Meredith pulled Cass's pink blankets up to her shoulders and tucked them tightly around the edges as Derek lined up pillows around the bottom of Cass's bed. It would be safe enough to stop with the pillows soon, Meredith thought, since Cass hadn't fallen off her bed in weeks.

"Do you have Jack?" Meredith asked looking around for the bear that Mark had given her. Derek had encouraged Cass to name the bear Mr. Snuffles after his, but the name had never stuck.

Cass lifted the bear from under the blankets to show Meredith. Meredith smiled and tucked the bear close to Cass.

"Night, baby," Meredith said, kissing Cass on the forehead, letting herself breathe in Cass for a second longer before moving aside so Derek could say goodnight.

Derek kissed Cass on the forehead, her eyes fluttering shut. "Night, Princess," Derek said softly to her.

Cass stretched, her head turning to the side with her eyes completely closed. Meredith and Derek smiled as they walked out of Cass's room, turning the light off and pulling the door halfway shut.

"Daddy," Cass called suddenly.

"Yeah, Cass?" Derek asked softly, turning back into the dark room.

"My puppy, Daddy," Cass said tiredly, her words slurring together. Derek sighed and wondered how he would explain to either Cass or Meredith the appearance or lack of a dog in the house.

"We're not getting a dog, Derek," Meredith said again as she and Derek walked into their room.

Derek was silent, thinking. "Maybe it's not a bad idea, Mer," Derek said eventually.

"No," Meredith said quickly as she walked into the bathroom and shoved her toothbrush into her mouth.

Derek pulled the throw pillows off their bed and thought about how to convince Meredith. "Why not?" he asked.

Meredith spat out her toothpaste and turned on the water. "Who's taking care of the dog when we're at work, Derek?" Meredith asked.

Derek was silent as he stood up and walked into the bathroom, linking his arms around Meredith's waist and pulling her into him.

"You took care of Doc," Derek reminded her softly.

"Derek," Meredith said, knowing what he was trying to do.

"It could be good for her, Mer. A dog can teach her responsibility," Derek whispered into her ear, running his lips along her neck and jawline.

Meredith closed her eyes, allowing Derek to have his hold over her. He kissed his way from her eyelids down to her shoulder, lingering longer at the curve of her neck, his personal favorite spot.

"Mer," Derek whispered, this time wanting nothing but to say her name.

"Derek," Meredith breathed suddenly, turning so that she could kiss him.

Derek quickly responded, his hand moving to the back of Meredith's neck, pulling her closer into him. Meredith was breathing heavily by the time they broke apart.

"There were three of us taking care of Doc when we had him," Meredith said, still reeling from their kiss. She walked out of the bathroom and climbed into her side of the bed.

Derek brushed his teeth, turned off the lights and slid into bed beside Meredith. "Cass will be older soon," Derek said.

Meredith frowned, pulling Derek's arm around her. She didn't want to think about Cass getting older.

They were both silent, thinking about that fact. "She should have someone when we're not around, Mer," Derek said softly, pulling Meredith closer into him, linking their hands together.

Meredith wrapped her hand around Derek's, thinking back to her childhood. The days when she came home, no one to keep her company but her homework and textbooks. The days when she turned on her music or the television loud just so that she could hear other voices in the empty house.

"I'll think about it, Derek," Meredith said eventually.

"That's all I'm asking, Mer," Derek said through soft kisses on her neck.

"I love you," Meredith said, squeezing his hand, her eyes closing.

"I love you too," Derek said, squeezing her hand in return. Meredith sighed, drifting off into sleep, thinking how lucky she was that she finally had a real family to come home to everyday.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Meredith and Derek jolted awake as Cass jumped on them. Derek groaned and rolled the other direction, using his pillow to cover his head.

"Cass, baby, what are you doing up?" Meredith asked, pulling Cass into her arms. Cass wriggled her way out of Meredith's grasp and sat up, her legs crossed and her messy curls framing her face.

"We get puppy today, Mommy," Cass said excitedly. Derek groaned again, this time into the bed.

"Cass," Meredith warned, closing her eyes. "Not now."

"Please, Mommy?" Cass asked sweetly, hugging Meredith tightly. "Please?"

Meredith sighed. "Go back to bed and we'll see," Meredith said.

"You'll see," Derek corrected, pulling the pillow off his head.

"Thank you, Mommy," Cass called as she ran out of the room, her footsteps echoing on the floorboards.

Meredith was silent as Derek wrapped his arms around her, burying his nose into her hair.

"How soon can we get the dog?" Meredith asked tiredly.

Derek smiled and kissed her neck "Today," he said. "If she's good."

Meredith nodded and leaned her head on Derek's shoulder. "Don't tell her," Meredith said. "I still want her to be surprised."

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"Daddy!" Cass exclaimed, running out of the daycare door into Derek's arms.

Derek laughed and brought Cass to his hip, kissing her. He treasured the moments when Cass ran to him, wanting to be carried, the moments when she held onto him tightly when she was afraid.

"Where's Mommy?" Cass asked, looking around the hallways for Meredith.

Derek pulled Cass's bag on his shoulder. "She's coming, Cass," he said. "Want to go to my office and wait for her?"

Cass nodded. Derek wondered when she would bring up the puppy.

"Uncle Mark!" Cass called, seeing Mark leaning far over the counter of the nurses station, flirting with someone.

"Hey, kiddo!" Mark exclaimed, leaning down to kiss Cass, his face entirely red. "Did you get your puppy yet?" he asked.

Cass shook her head sadly, he curls bouncing slightly on her shoulders. "Mommy 'n Daddy are still finiking," she said.

"Oh," Mark said, slowly nodding.

"We're g-e-t-t-i-n-g it t-o-n-i-g-h-t," Derek spelled out.

Mark smiled. "That's too bad, Cass," Mark said to her sadly. He handed the chart he had his hand on back to the nurse and winked at her. "See you tomorrow, kiddo," he said, kissing Cass before walking away.

Cass leaned her head on Derek's shoulder, her arms wrapped loosely around his neck. Derek could see how upset she was. "Mommy and Daddy are still thinking, Cass," he said, trying to lift Cass's spirits. Cass nodded and snuggled closer into her father.

Derek set Cass down when they reached his office, holding the door open for her. He watched her walk over to the toy chest he kept for her and open it slowly, puling out a doll.

Derek sat down at his desk, closing documents and case studies he had open. He smiled at the background picture on his desktop, one they had taken last Christmas. He and Meredith were sitting leisurely by the tree he insisted on every year, their arms crossed over each other's behind their backs. Cass was sitting between them, smiling prettily for the camera.

"Cass," Derek said, turning his chair toward her. She continued to play with her doll, walking her back and forth on the floor. "Cass, do you want to play Mother Goose?" Derek asked, holding CD of nursery rhyme games in his hand. He watched Cass, torn from sitting on the floor and thinking about the lack of a puppy or sucking it up and playing her game with her father. Cass stood up slowly, walking towards Derek. She held her arms up to him and Derek lifted her so that she sat on his lap.

Derek launched the game and watched Cass's face break into a smile. He slid the mouse over to her, only directing her slightly through the different nursery rhyme games.

The door clicked close, and Derek turned to see Meredith leaning against the door, her eyes closed. Derek sat Cass on the chair and pulled Meredith into his arms, knowing instantly that she had lost her patient.

"The aneurysm burst,' Meredith said softly, still wondering how it happened.

"You couldn't have done anything, Mer," Derek said to her, rubbing her back.

Meredith stood back, and sighed. "I know," she whispered.

Derek tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry," he whispered to her.

Meredith smiled slightly. "Thanks."

Derek turned to Cass, still staring intently at the screen. "Princess, are you ready to go?"

Cass immediately quit out of her game and ran to Meredith, hugging her legs. "Hi, Mommy," she said with a smile.

Meredith lifted Cass into her arms, hugging her as close as possible. "I love you so much, baby girl," Meredith said to Cass.

Derek shrugged his jacket on, wrapped his scarf around his neck and helped Cass with hers.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"Mommy, where we going?" Cass asked, looking out the windows and realizing that they weren't taking the route home.

Meredith smiled knowingly. "You'll see, Cass," she said.

Derek smiled as he signalled and turned into the animal shelter where Meredith had gotten Doc from. Meredith and Derek got out of the car and Derek opened Cass's door, taking Cass into his arms. She instantly snuggled closer to Derek, her body shivering slightly from the cold December air.

"Are you cold, Cass?" Derek asked, wrapping his arm around Cass, holding her tightly. Cass nodded and Derek quickly removed his scarf, wrapping it around Cass's neck.

"Where we be, Daddy?" Cass asked. Derek translated her question into where are we. He said nothing as he held open the door for Meredith and walked in. He and Meredith spoke quietly to the man behind the counter who smiled at Cass and nodded.

"Do you want to come with me, angel?" The supervisor asked.

Derek lowered Cass to the ground and urged her forward. "Go on, Princess."

Cass held on Derek's hand tightly, her eyes wide. "No, Daddy," she said softly.

"It's okay, Cass," Meredith said, tucking a curl behind Cass's ear. "Go on."

Cass reluctantly let go of Derek's hand and walked slowly over to the supervisor, looking back at her parents.

Derek smiled at her and gently entwined his hand around Meredith's. The supervisor opened the door and instantly, the loud barking of dogs echoed through. Cass turned around instantly as she understood, her smile wide on her face. She ran to Derek, hugging his legs, then doing the same for Meredith. "Thank you!" she called, running to observe the puppies.

Meredith laughed softly. "I'm glad we did this," she said quietly to Derek.

Derek nodded. "Yeah," he said leading them both to follow Cass. "Me too."

Cass ran around the locked cages, looking at the dogs inside, reaching to pet some of them. She looked back at Derek twice, and Derek made sure to smile at her but to stand far back enough so that she could make her own decision.

"Mommy, Daddy," Cass called, motioning for them to join her where she was standing. She leaned down to pet a small brown puppy, which Derek identified as a chocolate lab.

"He's cute, Cass," Derek praised, kneeling to Cass's level and petting the dog.

"Do you want him, Cass?" Meredith asked. She pulled the scarf tighter around Cass's neck.

"Yeah, Mommy," Cass said petting the puppy again. Derek nodded to the supervisor, who opened the cage for Cass. Cass laughed as the puppy walked into her open arms, her blonde curls and the dark brown of the puppy's fur creating a strong contrast.

Derek watched Cass cradle the puppy close to her, petting its soft fur. "Ready to go home?" he asked.

Cass looked up at him with a smile he knew he would remember forever. "Home, Daddy," she agreed, slipping her small hand into his.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Meredith blew on Cass's hot chocolate before carefully handing it to her. She took the cup in her hands, letting her puppy sit on her lap. Meredith sat on Cass's bed, petting the puppy and smiling.

"Have you thought of a name yet, Cass?" Meredith asked.

Cass's eyebrows furrowed as she thought for a moment. "Jack," she said.

Meredith laughed. "Sweetheart, you already have a Jack."

Cass looked at her bear next to her and thought again. She was interrupted by Derek, who walked into the room and sat next to Meredith.

"Most of Doc's old things were in the basement," Derek said, taking a sip out of Meredith's coffee. "We can use them until we get a chance to go out."

"Uncle Mark," Cass said, remembering what Mark had told her the day before. Both Meredith and Derek laughed.

"It's okay if you don't name him after Uncle Mark," Derek said, still laughing.

"Uncle Mark be mad," Cass said, confused.

"He won't be," Derek promised.

Cass nodded reluctantly, taking her hot chocolate in both her hands and sipping it. "It's still hot, Mommy," she said, handing it back to Meredith. Meredith handed her cup of coffee to Derek and blew on Cass's drink.

"Hershey," Cass said suddenly, her eyes wide and her curls bouncing on her shoulders.

Derek looked at Meredith. "Like the chocolate?" he asked.

Cass nodded. "Hershey be brown, Daddy," she said slowly, trying to get her parents to follow her logic. "Like my puppy."

"Hershey," Meredith said slowly, trying out saying the name. She smiled at Cass, handing her back her hot chocolate. "I like it, Cass," she said.

"Me too," Derek said, smiling at her.

Cass sipped her hot chocolate and Meredith saw her eyes fluttering close. She took Cass's drink quickly before she spilled it.

Derek gently moved Cass into a sleeping position as Meredith set the stack of pillows around her bed.

They kissed Cass on the head, pulling her blankets tightly around her and walked out of her room, flicking off her light.

"Thank you for Hershey," Cass said tiredly, joining her words together.

Meredith and Derek smiled. "You're welcome, Princess," Derek said softly, taking Meredith's hand in his and closing their daughter's door halfway, in case she needed them at anytime during the night.

**A/N- I hope you liked it! Please review if you have the chance. I really appreciate anything you have to say, good or bad. They help me write faster too….**


	4. Thanks For The Memories, Three

**Disclaimer- The wait for Season five is unbelievably painful. If I owned it, I'd know. And I wouldn't be in so much pain.**

**A/N- So very sorry! This update has been incredibly difficult for me to write, and I tried to write it as best as I could, but I'm still not sure about the outcome. I hope you like it just the same!**

Cass bounced in her seat excitedly as the plane tilted into the air. Her parents on her either side had their eyes closed.

"Where we going 'gain?" Cass asked loudly over the whirr of the plane's engine.

"To see Grandma and your aunts for Thanksgiving," Derek said automatically, his eyes still closed. He knew he must have answered this question at least fifty times in the past two days. While they were packing. Early in the morning. Before bed. On the way to daycare. In the car.

"Oh yeah. I 'member," she said, still bouncing. Meredith wondered briefly where ," she said, still bouncing. Meredith wondered briefly where Cass got the energy from. sometimes having to wake up at time In Cass got the energy from.

Derek nodded, his eyes still closed. Around the time Cass had hit two and a half, Derek had remembered the constant questions that she continually fired at Meredith and him, and hadn't stopped in the months since she had hit three.

"Daddy?" Cass asked again, tugging on the sleeve of his jacket. She waited until her father acknowledged her.

"Yeah, Princess?" Derek asked, tiredly.

"Daddy, how many aunts do I have?" Cass asked, tilting her head to the side. Derek smiled slightly when he saw this. He knew he did the exact same thing, Meredith told him often enough, but he wondered if Cass inherited the trait from simply watching him or if it really was inbred.

"You have four aunts, Cass. There's Aunt Nancy, Aunt Kathleen, Aunt Megan and Aunt Grace," Derek said. "And you have a lot of cousins."

"What's a cousin?" Cass immediately asked. Meredith, on Cass's other side had her eyes squeezed together tightly. Derek knew Meredith disliked air travel, he knew it made her nervous.

"Mer," he called softly across to her. Meredith opened her eyes and turned to him. "Are you okay?" Derek asked gently.

Meredith smiled weakly back at him, nodding. "I'm fine," she said.

Derek frowned. Meredith's fine often meant she was anything but.

'Daddy," Cass called again, interrupting his thoughts. Derek turned to Cass. "What's cousin?" she asked again.

"A cousin is your aunt's daughter or son," Derek said, trying to simplify the definition as much as he could for Cass. She still looked at him, confused, her brow furrowing together.

"I don't get it, Daddy" Cass said.

Derek thought for a moment. "You know how you're my daughter?" Derek asked Cass.

She nodded slowly, trying to follow her father's logic. "I'm your Princess, Daddy," Cass said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"You're my Princess," Derek, agreed smiling.

"Well, a cousin," Derek continued, "is your Aunt Nancy, Kathleen, Megan or Grace's daughter or son."

"Oh," Cass said slowly, drawing out her syllables, smiling. "I get it."

Derek smiled and slipped his arm around Cass's shoulders, pulling her so that she leaned onto him. He pushed up the armrest in between them, not caring if any flight attendants saw. "We have to be really quiet now, Cass," Derek said into her ear softly.

Cass's moved closer into Derek. "Why?" she asked, incredulous.

Derek pointed to the sleeping passengers around them. "Everyone has gone to bed, Cass," he whispered. "We have to let them sleep."

Cass nodded and pretended to zip her mouth shut. She leaned against Derek; her eyes wide open at first. As the plane ascended higher into the air, Derek watched his daughter's eyes flutter shut and close. Her grip on him loosened, telling him that she had succumbed to sleep. He smiled; the little inquisitive Princess beside him was entirely his and Meredith's. She was a part of them, both of them. No matter how many questions she asked or whatever she did, that would always remain a fact to him.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"Cass, you can't just run off like that," Meredith said, taking a hold of Cass's hand. She instantly regretted letting her have three cokes on the plane.

"But look," Cass said, pointing at their bangs inching away from them on the conveyor belt. "I wanted to get our bags."

"It'll come back around," Derek promised, slipping his cell phone back into his jacket pocket. Cass waited eagerly, watching the bags pass by one by one.

"My mother says hi," Derek said quietly to Meredith.

Meredith instantly froze. "Oh," she said sceptically. She had met Derek's family, with the exception of Nancy exactly three times; once before they were married, at their wedding and shortly after Cass was born. This Thanksgiving would mark Cass and her first visit to the famous Shepherd household.

"Mer," Derek said softly. She turned to him, her eyes worried. "It's going to be fine," he told her.

"Daddy," Cass called, breaking their conversation. "I see our bags." Derek followed the path where she pointed and grabbed the bags off the belt.

"Ready to go?" Derek asked. Meredith nodded and smiled weakly. Derek was acutely aware that this might be his wife's worst nightmare coming up.

"Daddy, where are we going?" Cass asked as they walked out not missing a beat.

Derek took Cass's hand, holding it tightly in his own. "We're going to get a car," Derek said to her.

Cass's eyes went wide immediately. "We're buying another car?" Cass asked, thinking about the two they already owned back in Seattle.

Meredith laughed. "No we're going to rent a car," she said to Cass.

Cass looked instantly confused. "What's rent?" she asked.

"It's when you borrow something." Meredith explained.

"So we're borrowing a car?" Cass said slowly.

Meredith nodded. "That's right, Cass."

"From where?" she asked instantly.

Derek had to laugh. "We're going there, Cass," he said to her as they approached the counter for car rentals. Derek set down his bag and lifted Cass onto his hip, knowing that she would want to see everything going on behind the counters. The assistant's hard demeanor immediately melted when she saw Cass.

"Hi!" she said playfully, seemingly addressing only Cass. "How can I help you?"

"We need to rent a car," Derek said, unable to catch the assistant's eye, which was glued on Cass.

She nodded, and went through the process, taking out forms from her desk and typing into her computer.

"How many days?" she asked, not looking up.

"Tonight and tomorrow," Derek answered, moving Cass on his hip. She nodded and eventually placed a set of car keys on the counter and smiled at Cass again.

"All set," she said. "The car's due back tomorrow," Derek thanked the assistant and took the forms and the keys. He set Cass down on the floor, shoving the papers into his jacket pocket.

"Are we getting our car, Daddy?" Cass asked excitedly, her grip strong on Derek's hand.

Derek laughed. "Yeah, Cass." He looked at his watch and knew that in a couple minutes Cass would crash from her sugar high and would be falling asleep.

They walked out into the parking lot, Cass looking around at the many cars.

"Mommy," she asked, calling over to Meredith. "Where's the car?"

"We're going there," Meredith said tiredly but patiently.

They pulled their bags up to a silver car and Derek unlocked the doors and the back, placing his and Meredith's bags inside and helping Cass with hers.

Cass ran around the perimeter of the car, her hands running along the smooth finish. "It looks like your car, Daddy," she said amazed, thinking of the black Mercedes Derek drove back in Seattle.

Derek eyed the car and opened the back door. "It does, Princess," he said, agreeing with her. Derek lifted Cass into the seat, pulling the seat belt across her small body.

Meredith opened the door to the front and checked Cass's seat belt again as Derek slid into the driver's seat.

"You do know where you're going, right?" Meredith asked playfully, a smirk on her face.

Derek rolled his eyes. "I know where I'm going," he assured her, smiling.

"Are you ready to go, sweetheart?" Meredith asked, taking Jack out of her bag and handing him to Cass, knowing she would be asleep the moment the car started moving.

Cass nodded, hugging Jack tightly, her eyes flickering shut. Derek knew instantly the caffeine and sugar were wearing off.

"Why don't you go to sleep, Princess," Derek suggested gently, backing out of the parking space and heading for the route out of the airport. Cass nodded sleepily, leaning her head on Jack.

Meredith smiled as the car went quiet. Derek carefully eyed the rear view mirror to see a sleeping Cass reclined across the backseat.

"It's going to be fine, Mer," Derek said into the silence.

Meredith looked down at her lap, twisting her wedding band on her finger. "I know," she said softly.

"What are you worried about?" Derek asked her, stealing a glace at Meredith.

She sighed. "I'm not. Not really," Meredith said. She looked back to make sure that Cass was still sleeping.

"You have nothing to worry about, Mer," Derek said. "My family loves you and Cass."

Meredith sighed. "I've never done this before, Derek," she said softly.

Derek turned to her. "We've had Thanksgiving together ever since we were married," Derek said.

"With your family," Meredith corrected. "You know, the house where you grew up, the people you grew up with. I've never done this with your family before," she said.

Derek was silent. He knew that Meredith had always been slightly uncomfortable around his family and he reasoned that it was simply because she had never experienced a normal family when she was growing up.

"We've spent three Thanksgivings together," Derek said, looking back at Cass. "Your friends, Cass, me, we're your family, Mer," he told her. "You might not have spent Thanksgiving with my family, but you've spent Thanksgiving with your family." Derek reached over and took Meredith's hand in his own, his gaze still on the road. "I promise, it won't be that different."

Meredith sighed. "Okay," she said eventually.

Derek smiled at her. "Okay," he echoed. With Meredith's hand still in his own and Cass sleeping in the backseat, her curls sprawled over her face and on Jack, Derek continued the long journey back home.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"Mer," Derek whispered across to her, shutting the power of the car. He leaned over and kissed her temple. "Mer, we're here."

Meredith's eyes fluttered open and she quickly shut them again, remembering where they were.

"I'll come back down for the bags later," Derek said, opening the door to the back seat and pulling Cass into his arms. She shifted easily into Derek's arms, her arms wrapping loosely around his neck.

Meredith opened the door and moved quickly to Derek's side. "Is anyone awake?" she asked, looking at her watch. 4:07 am.

Derek looked up at the slowly lightening sky. "I doubt it," he whispered back as they walked up the path to the front door.

For the first time, Meredith allowed herself to take in the whole view of the Shepherd house. It was beautiful, she decided quickly; exactly the type of house that a family should be raised in. Windows were lined everywhere and to the side of the house and Meredith could make out a plastic jungle gym, which she assumed was for the youngest members of the family. It reminded her of their house in Seattle.

"You grew up here," Meredith stated quietly as Derek looked for his keys.

He momentarily looked up at the house before him, and Meredith saw the knife edge of a smirk on Derek's face.

"Yeah," he said. "I grew up here." Derek turned the key quietly in the lock and ushered Meredith inside.

Meredith first noticed the number of pictures that lined the walls; old photos of Derek's sisters when they were younger, of Derek's parents and the select few family portraits they had before Derek's dad died.

"They're a lot of photos," Meredith said to Derek, observing the walls of the foyer.

Derek slipped his keys back into his pocket and looked around. "Yeah," he agreed. "My mom liked to remind us why she was proud of us."

Meredith nodded and looked again. It looked homey. Lived in. Welcoming. "I want to do this," she said suddenly. "I want Cass to know that we're proud of her."

Derek nodded understandingly. "We have a good start," he said with a smile.

Meredith thought of their house in Seattle. The upper hallway was mostly lined with photos of Cass on different occasions and in the living room there were the framed photographs of their wedding.

"Derek?" a voice called softly. Meredith instantly froze as Elizabeth Shepherd, dressed in a robe and nightgown with a cup of coffee in her hands emerged from the kitchen.

Derek's tired appearance changed instantly. "Mom," he said cheerfully as he used his available arm to pull his mother into a hug. She hugged him back tightly and for the first time, Meredith realized that Derek looked nothing like his mother.

Meredith immediately smiled as genuinely as possible when Elizabeth turned to her, trying not to shake as she spoke. "Hi, Mrs. Shepherd," she said.

Elizabeth looked Meredith up and down and quickly hugged her. "Call me Mom," she instructed with a smile. "Everyone else in the family does." Meredith nodded in shock.

Elizabeth quickly turned her attention to Cass in Derek's arms. "Is this Cass?" she asked, knowing full well it was her granddaughter.

Derek looked at his daughter in his arms, her arms wrapped around his neck, one hand precariously hanging onto Jack and her hair tangled from sleep. "Yeah," he whispered, the pride evident in his voice.

Elizabeth lifted a curl drawn across Cass's face and tucked it behind her ear. "She's sleeping, Mom," Derek said, a gentle warning not to wake her up.

Elizabeth nodded but kept on examining Cass. "It's been a long time," she murmured, tucking more of Cass's hair behind her ears.

"Almost three years," Meredith supplied, looking at Cass. She had grown so much since then, Meredith thought.

Elizabeth was silent once more, observing Cass's features, taking fleeting glances at Meredith and Derek. "She has your hair Derek, but Meredith's blonde. She has your mouth and eyes, Derek but Meredith's nose and ears." She stood back, her eyes still on Cass. "She's going to be absolutely beautiful one day," Elizabeth said.

Derek frowned immediately. "She already is incredibly beautiful," he said defensively, holding Cass close to him.

Elizabeth smiled at her son's pride. "You must be tired," she said, leading them towards the stairs.

"Where are we staying?" Derek asked as they walked towards the bedrooms. Meredith noticed more photographs lining the walls of the stairs and the upper hallways. She smiled at a photo of a young Derek, his curls wild and untamed, a more extreme version of Cass's hair.

"Your room," Elizabeth answered, walking past six closed doors to the end of the hallway.

"I thought we had the guest room," Derek said, opening the last door.

Elizabeth shook her head. "Stephen decided to come this year as well," she said, referring to Nancy's husband. "There were too many people to fit into her room so I moved her. And Kathleen and Megan have the Den and the other guest room."

Derek nodded as he pulled down the blankets and lowered Cass into his bed. He smiled at the image of his daughter, young and innocent, curled up peacefully in the bed where he had spent his childhood nights.

"There should be everything you need," Elizabeth said from the doorway, "But you know where everything is, Derek." Elizabeth smiled at them and closed the door.

Meredith walked slowly around the room, trying to pick pieces that would show her why Derek was the person who he was. Besides the few old textbooks that lay stacked on the corner of Derek's desk, smaller framed photographs of Derek and his sisters around a Christmas tree, Derek and a man who looked almost identical to him now, and Derek and a young blonde boy in baseball hats and jerseys, smiling. Meredith smiled as she identified the blonde as Mark.

"He looks exactly the same," Meredith said quietly, running her fingers along the silver frame of the photograph.

Derek wrapped his arms around Meredith's waist, pulling her into him. "He does," Derek agreed.

"Your father?" Meredith asked, picking up the photo of a young Derek decked in fishing regalia.

Meredith heard Derek sigh behind her. "Yeah," he said quietly. "That's the last photo I have of us together."

Meredith looked again at the photo. "You were twelve when your father died," she remembered, thinking about the one time that Derek had ever told her about his father, shortly after they were married.

"Yeah," Derek whispered.

"You're good with her though. You knew your father for twelve years and you're so good with Cass."

Derek shrugged. He knew that Meredith was thinking about her own mother and the slew of shortcomings that her mother brought. "My family taught me well," he said simply.

**MDMDMDMMDMDMDMD**

"It's going to be fine, Mer," Derek reminds her again as they walk down the stairs to breakfast.

Meredith sighed but smiled at him. "I know," she said.

Derek eyed Cass, her head on his shoulder and her arms wrapped tightly around his neck. He knew it took Cass a while to wake up in the mornings, but from the way that Cass held onto him tightly, he could tell he was nervous. "Cass," Derek asked her softly, "are you okay?'

Cass nodded against him, but buried her face into her neck.

"It's okay, Princess," Derek whispered to her, rubbing her back lightly. As they entered the dining room, Derek felt Meredith's hand slip into his.

"Oh, god," Meredith whispered as she saw the dining room. Waffles, pancakes, croissants, bagels, fruit and every type of juice and drink in the Shepherd house adorned the large dining table. Cass's eyes immediately widened and she scrambled down from Derek's arms when she saw the food.

"There's a lot of food," Meredith commented quietly, looking at the food spread across the table.

Derek smiled and picked up a bagel, breaking off a piece for Meredith. "Everyone is big believers in breakfast."

Meredith took the bagel from Derek and thought back to the times when he would cook for her when he still owned the trailer or when he brought her a bagel and coffee just before an early surgery, attempts to engrain good breakfast habits.

"Derek!" Meredith heard a voice exclaim from behind them. She turned to find Grace, the only sister younger than Derek run out of the kitchen towards him. Derek turned quickly, his smile wide just as Grace barreled into him.

Cass dropped the grapes she was eating and ran to Meredith's side. "Who is that, Mommy?" she asked worriedly.

Meredith slipped her arm around Cass's shoulders. "That's Aunt Grace, Cass," she said softly.

Grace hugged Derek tightly before letting go. She turned to Meredith, the famous Shepherd smile on her face. "Hi, Meredith," she said warmly, moving forward to hug her. Over Grace's shoulder, Meredith could see Derek smiling at her.

"It's, uh, been a while," Meredith said, the smile on her face truly genuine. Cass grabbed onto Meredith's arm, holding on tightly.

Grace knelt down so that her eyes were at the same level as Cass's. "Well, who are you, pretty girl?" Grace asked Cass playfully.

Cass immediately warmed up to the familiar sweetened voice Grace used. "I'm Cass Elizabeth Shepherd," Cass said proudly, "and I'm three years old." Cass held up three fingers for Grace to see.

Grace's eyes widened in admiration. "Wow," she said slowly. "You're getting to be such a big girl." Cass nodded proudly and loosened her grip of Meredith's arm.

Grace stood up and looked at Derek. "She's beautiful, Der," she said to him softly.

"Thanks," he said in return. Derek looked around the empty dining room. "Where is everyone?" he asked.

"Oh, right!" Grace said loudly, moving in the direction of the kitchen. "I was supposed to check if you were downstairs yet." She moved into the hallway, leaning half her body out. "Guys! Derek's here!" she shouted loudly.

Almost immediately Meredith heard the pounding of feet, inching closer to them. Through the double doors of the dining room, Kathleen and Megan emerged first, making a beeline for Derek. They crashed into him almost simultaneously, hugging him hard.

"Hey," Derek said laughing, hugging both his sisters. Children from ages four to ten crowded around him trying to show their Uncle Derek drawings they made or simply say hi.

Through the children that swarmed Derek, Cass pushed her way through, grabbing onto her father. Derek smiled and lifted Cass into his arms, cradling her protectively.

The whole room went quiet and everyone observed the girl they had only known as a three week old.

Cass's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Why everyone so quiet?" she asked.

Kathleen laughed first. "We just haven't seen you in a long time, Cassidy," she said to her.

Cass immediately frowned. "I not Cassidy," she said stubbornly. "I'm Cass."

Kathleen nodded seriously. "I don't like it when people call me by my full name either," she said.

"Okay," Nancy said walking into the room. "Women, in the kitchen and men, take care of the kids."

Meredith looked at Derek instantly, panicked as everyone began to follow Nancy's orders.

"Derek, I don't cook," she said to him, reaching for his hand.

Derek squeezed her hand reassuringly. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to, Mer," Derek said to her. "It could be fun."

"I don't want to ruin anything," Meredith said softly.

Derek shook his head and kissed her quickly. "You won't," he promised.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"Okay," Elizabeth said, standing at the head of her kitchen. "Who's doing what?"

"Mom has the turkey," Megan said immediately. Everyone but Meredith laughed.

"Mom makes the best turkey out of anyone here," Grace said to her quietly, "And I burned it one year, so none of us are allowed to be responsible for the turkey except Mom," she explained to Meredith. Meredith smiled at her appreciatively.

"I'm on potatoes," Kathleen said, raising her hand slightly.

"Sauces," Megan called.

"Extras," Nancy said.

"Dessert," Grace said last, looking at Meredith out of the corner of her eye. "And Meredith is going to help me."

Elizabeth smiled. "Let's get to work," she said, turning back to the bowl she had set in front of her.

"So," Meredith began, speaking softly so that no one but Grace could hear her. "I don't cook."

Grace smiled at her knowingly. "Neither do I," she said. "But pies are easy."

Meredith thought back to her first Thanksgiving, when they were still Bailey's interns. She remembered Cristina telling her how Izzie might be the best baker in the world but couldn't cook for her life.

"We usually make three pies," Grace said, opening the refrigerator and taking out cherries and apples. "Two are cherry, that's what everyone likes the most. But I like to make an apple-"

"For Derek," Meredith finished suddenly. Grace looked at her with raised eyebrows. "It's his favorite," she said.

"Yeah," Grace agreed, passing some of the ingredients over to Meredith to hold. "You know him well," she commented.

Meredith shrugged. "What can I do?" she asked Grace, holding the bags of cherries awkwardly. "I want to help."

Grace exchanged the apples with the cherries. "Can you peel apples?" she asked her. Meredith nodded in relief at something that sounded familiar. "Good," Grace said, moving pots and cookbooks off the island counter.

Grace handed Meredith a peeler and smiled at her. "I'll be working on the cherries right here," she said, moving a couple inches away from Meredith to give them both space.

Meredith picked up the first apple and held it in her hands the way Izzie taught her and began to peel the apple slowly. She looked at the bag next to her. If she peeled extremely slowly, she could possibly make the bag last for an hour before she was given another task.

"How's life in Seattle?" Grace asked as she dumped the cherries out onto the counter and picked off their stems.

Meredith continued rhythmically peeling, wondering how to answer the question. "It's good," she said eventually. Grace smiled and nodded, but said nothing. "Well, Cass is doing really well," Meredith said suddenly. "She goes to the day care at the hospital and we go to see her whenever possible. She's happy there," Meredith paused, thinking. "I hope she's happy there. And Derek, he's the head of neuro and I know he's been promised chief after our current chief retires and he does these really amazing surgeries-" Meredith looked over at Grace, amusement written across her features.

She continued peeling the apples and bit her lip. "I tend to ramble," Meredith explained.

Grace shook her head, laughing slightly. "Sounds like you have a good life," she told Meredith.

Meredith nodded slowly and thought about what Grace said to her. She would have never imagined herself in this position before she met Derek, wife and a mother to a three year old.

A hand grazed the small of her back and Meredith jumped slightly. "It's only me," Derek said to her softly. Meredith relaxed and leaned back against him. "How's it going?" he asked.

Meredith peeled slowly and methodically. "It's going," she paused, trying to find the right word. "I'm peeling apples," she said eventually.

Derek nodded, the same amusement as Grace's on his face. "Looks like fun," he said playfully.

Meredith looked at Derek, studying his features carefully. As tired as she knew he was, he didn't let it show. Ever since he came home, a smile had been hooked on his face, a smile that Meredith knew he reserved especially for his family, when they were alone in the house on a rare Saturday morning eating breakfast together, coming back from fishing trips with Mark. It was a side of him she loved seeing.

Meredith started suddenly. "Where's Cass," she asked frantically.

Derek laughed lightly and kissed her neck. "She's playing princess with Allie and Laura," he said.

"She's having fun, right?" Meredith asked.

Derek handed Meredith another apple to peel as she set down the one that she had been working on. "She is, Mer," Derek said.

"You're vibrating, Derek," Meredith said suddenly.

Derek looked at her, his smile twice as wide as before. "What?" he asked. Meredith could see Grace trying to contain her laughter next to him.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Your phone, Derek," she said.

Derek pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked the caller. "Dirty," he mouthed to her before answering the call. Meredith laughed.

"Hey, Mark," Derek said loudly. Everyone immediately dropped what they were doing and moved towards Derek.

"Put him on speaker," Megan said, attempting to reach for the phone. Nancy batted her hand away, trying to move in closer to pick up pieces of the conversation.

Meredith could hear Mark protest on the other line as Derek adjusted his phone to speaker.

"Hey Markie," Grace, Megan and Kathleen said.

"Hey loser," Nancy called simultaneously.

Mark groaned on the other line. "How come you don't have nicknames for Derek?" he asked.

Kathleen shrugged. "We love you more Markie," she said. Derek touched his heart, pretending to be hurt.

"I don't," Megan said light heartedly.

"I know you love me the most, Megan," Mark responded.

Elizabeth broke through her daughters standing around Derek and took the phone out of his hands. "Mark Sloan," she said loudly.

Meredith could practically see Mark grinning on the other line. "Hey, Mom," he said casually.

"And just where might you be?" Elizabeth asked, getting right to the point.

"In Seattle," Mark said vaguely.

"Why aren't you here?" she asked. Everyone moved in closer to hear the answer.

"I'm busy, Mom," Mark whined into the phone. Everyone rolled their eyes.

"And you didn't call last week," Elizabeth said. Meredith held in a laugh. She remembered Derek saying something about Mark needing to call Elizabeth every two weeks, although he often forgot.

"I was still busy," Mark said. Derek laughed loudly. He knew that previous week the only thing on Mark's mind was some smoking brunette he met at Joe's.

"I can hear you, Derek," Mark said. The familiar sound of a pager rang on the other end of the line.

"I have to go," Mark said hurriedly. "But I'll call again at Christmas," he said jokingly before hanging up the phone.

Derek ended the call and kissed Meredith quickly before being ushered out of the kitchen by Elizabeth. Meredith began peeling the apples again, listening to the slight peals of laughter that rang through the kitchen about the honorary Shepherd still working in Seattle.

**MDMDMDMDMMDMDMD**

Meredith placed the knife in the middle of the apple and slowly cut it in half. She continued cutting each piece in halves until they were as small as the pieces that Grace had shown her.

"Mommy!" a voice called. Meredith placed the knife far into the counter and turned to see Cass running towards her.

Meredith smiled when she saw Cass. Her curls were tangled down her back and the bow on the back of her dress was completely untied. Meredith couldn't help but notice that Cass looked extremely happy.

"Hey, sweetheart," Meredith said to Cass, leaning down on her knees to Cass's eye level. She reached behind Cass to retie the bow behind her back and untangle some of her curls.

"Mommy, I havta show you sumthing," Cass said, pulling on her arm in attempt to take her outside.

Meredith laughed. "Let Mommy finish cutting apples," she said. Out of the corner of her eye, Meredith could see Elizabeth watching them. "Why don't you go talk to Grandma?" Meredith suggested, looking over at Elizabeth.

"Okay," Cass happily, skipping over to Elizabeth. "Hi, Grandma," Cass said happily, waving at her. Meredith suddenly realized that this would be the first time Cass would have met Elizabeth in a situation she could remember.

Elizabeth knelt down just like Meredith had done. "Hi, Cass," she said, taking Cass's hands in her own. "Do you know who I am?" she asked.

Cass looked up at the ceiling in thought. "You're Grandma," she said eventually.

Elizabeth laughed. "Do you know what that means, Cass?" she asked. Cass immediately shook her head no. "I'm your Daddy's mom," Elizabeth explained, "which makes me your Grandma."

"Oh," Cass said slowly. "You knows my Daddy when he was little like me?" Cass asked.

Elizabeth nodded. "You are a lot like your Daddy when he was little," she commented. Meredith watched Elizabeth and Cass, cutting the apples slowly.

"Why don't you go with her," Grace suggested. "I can finish here. You're almost done, anyhow."

Meredith cleaned off the knife and placed it back in the holder. "Okay," she agreed. "Thanks, Grace."

Meredith walked over to Cass. "Did you want to show me something, Cass?" she asked.

Cass's face suddenly lit up. "Yeah!" she said, taking Meredith's hand and dragging her out of the kitchen. She led Meredith through the house expertly, sliding open the screen door to the backyard. She saw a boy around seven years old and two girls around the same age passing around a nerf football.

"Hey, guys," Cass said, running out to the group of children passing the football around. They opened up their circle to include Cass when they saw her. "That's my Mommy," Cass said pointing at Meredith.

The whole group of children turned to look at her, expecting her to say something. "Hi," Meredith said awkwardly, moving to stand behind her daughter.

The boy smiled at her. "Hi!" he said back, joyfully. "I'm Andrew."

"Aunt Nancy is his mom," the girl next to him said. "And Aunt Kathleen is Lily's mom," she said, pointing at the girl to her right. Meredith nodded slowly, trying to process all the information.

The girl whose name Meredith still didn't know started to wave at the screen door "Hi, Uncle Derek!" she exclaimed loudly.

Derek pulled the screen door shut behind him and stepped into the backyard holding a football and his old college sweater. "Hey, Sarah," he said with a smile. "Are you having fun?'

She nodded vigorously. "Come play football with us, Uncle Derek," Sarah said.

Derek laughed. "Why don't you go in and see if anyone else wants to play before we start the game," Derek suggested. Sarah immediately took off running into the house calling for her parents.

"Hey," he said, moving to stand beside Meredith

She smiled, relieved that he was here and that he knew what to do with his nieces and nephews. "Hey," she breathed.

Derek looked at her and handed her the sweater he was holding. "You're cold," he stated and for the first time, she noticed the cold November air. Meredith quickly glanced to see that Cass had her jacket on.

She slipped it on, the sweater coming down low on her jeans. "Thanks," Meredith said.

The screen door slid open again and Sarah led a pack of four more children and Nancy and her husband. "We can play football, Uncle Derek!" she declared, gesturing to the people around her.

Derek leaned close into Meredith, his hand grazing her back. "You look good in that," he said before running in the other direction to begin the game.

**MDMDMMDMDMDMDMD**

Meredith sat comfortably next to Derek, their hands entwined under the table. Cass sat to Derek's left, talking animatedly to Sarah at her side. She speared her fork into Derek's slice of pie, taking a large bite out of it.

"It's good," Meredith commented, licking the cinnamon off her lips.

Derek finished off the slice and set his fork down. "It was," Derek agreed. "You make a good pie," he said.

Meredith shrugged. "I just helped," she said. "Grace did most of it."

Derek simply smiled at her and looked over to Cass. "That's enough, Princess," he said when he saw Cass reaching for her third slice of apple pie.

Cass made a face at Derek, but set her fork down next to his. Derek looked up to the clock on the wall and sighed. "We should probably go soon," he said quietly to Meredith.

Meredith looked at her watch and nodded. "We should," she said. "Cass, why don't you run upstairs and get your bag," Meredith suggested and Cass took off running for the stairs.

"We should be going," Derek said, standing up to clear his plates.

Nancy was the first to protest. "Stay for a bit," she said.

Derek looked at the clock ticking quickly past the seven o'clock mark. "Our flight is at ten," he said.

Meredith heard Cass's slight footsteps on the stairs and appeared with her pink backpack on her shoulders. "Are you ready to go?" Meredith asked Cass as Derek said goodbye to his sisters.

"I want to say bye to Sarah first," Cass said, running over to Sarah's seat. Sarah hopped down from her chair and hugged Cass, laughing about a joke they had together. Meredith smiled, glad that Cass managed to make a friend so quickly during their time here.

Elizabeth stood up and walked over to Derek. "I'll walk you to your car," she said.

"Bye!" Cass said as she waved to the people still eating at the table.

Meredith helped Cass with her jacket, buttoning it up to her neck.

"You should come for Christmas," Elizabeth said, taking onto Derek's arm as they walked outside.

Derek shrugged. "I don't know how much leave we have," Derek said looking over at Meredith. He unlocked the car and placed his and Meredith's bags in the back. "But Mark said he'd come for Christmas," he said.

Meredith opened the back door and ushered Cass in, pulling the seatbelt over her body.

"Bye, Grandma!" Cass called from her seat, waving to Elizabeth.

Elizabeth waved back at her and smiled. "She's lovely," Elizabeth said to Meredith.

Meredith looked at Cass, sitting patiently in the car, her eyes slightly fluttering. "Thanks…Mom," Meredith said.

Derek opened the car door for Meredith. "Ready to go?" he asked, placing his hand on her back.

Meredith smiled at him. "Yeah," she said, sliding into the front seat. "Bye Mom" she said.

Elizabeth turned to Derek and hugged him tightly. "You and Mark better start calling more often," she said.

Derek laughed. "We're busy, Mom," he said, using Mark's line. Elizabeth looked at him sternly. "But I'll definitely try."

Derek kissed Elizabeth on the cheek and climbed in the driver's seat beside Meredith. Cass waved to Elizabeth as Derek back out of the driveway and turned onto the road.

"Did you have fun, baby girl?" Meredith asked, turning around to look at Cass. Cass opened her eyes tiredly and nodded. "Go to sleep, Cass," Meredith said gently to Cass, half asleep by the time she heard Meredith's suggestion.

Meredith looked out the window, the large trees creating dark shadows on the ground. After knowing Seattle Derek and seeing where he grew up, Meredith found it hard to believe that he lived in Manhattan for eleven years.

"Derek?" Meredith said into the silence.

"Yeah, Mer?" he answered.

"I've never been thankful for anything before," Meredith admitted.

Meredith could see Derek nodding slowly in the darkness, his eyes still concentrated on the road. "Okay," he said slowly. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"But I'm thankful now," Meredith began quietly. "I'm thankful that we came here for Thanksgiving. I'm thankful that Izzie showed me how to peel apples so I didn't look stupid in front of your family. I'm thankful that you know how to handle your nieces and nephews because I don't-"

"Meredith," Derek interrupted, unsure of Meredith's meaning behind the words.

"And I'm really thankful for you and Cass," Meredith finished, looking at him, biting her bottom lip.

Derek slowed the car down and looked at her.

"I just thought you would want to know. Because we talk about stuff and I thought we should talk about this, and," she paused looking out the window. "Never mind. Forget I said anything. It was stupid and I'm tired and-"

"Meredith," Derek said again. She stopped talking and looked at him.

"I'm thankful too," Derek said, leaning over to kiss her and take her hand in his. "I'm thankful for you and Cass every single day."

**A/N- The Shepherd family made an appearance! I hope you liked it and please leave a review if you have something to say. I really do appreciate anything you have to say. Thanks for reading and I hope to update with the next chapter very soon. Hopefully. Soonish.**


	5. Party of Four, Four

**Disclaimer- Nah. I'll let you know when it's mine.**

**A/N- A chapter many of you have been waiting for! Thank you so much for your reviews; they are very greatly appreciated. Enjoy!**

Izzie placed a bowl of Cherrios in front of Cass, the milk sloshing out of the bowl.

"Aunt Izzie," Cass called, swinging her feet against the wood chair.

Izzie raised her eyebrows at her, and continued to pour coffee into her travel cup. "What's up, cutie?" Izzie asked.

"Aunt Izzie, I want banana with my Cherrios," Cass said.

Izzie quickly grabbed a banana out of the fruit bowl and set it down beside Cass.

"Aunt Izzie," Cass said again, looking at the banana menacingly. Izzie turned to her again, quickly placing and throwing out items from her bag muttering about going into work at 5:30 on a Sunday morning. "Aunt Izzie, Mommy cuts up my banana in my Cherrios."

Izzie sighed and looked at the clock. "Cass, we're running really late and we still need to drop you off at daycare," Izzie said, the patience in her voice running thin. "Could you just eat the Cherrios for today, please?"

Cass looked at her bowl of Cherrios, pouting. "I want my Mommy and Daddy," Cass grumbled.

Izzie looked at Cass, her arms crossed stubbornly across her chest looking angrily at her breakfast. "Cass, sweetheart, we have to go," Izzie said. She grabbed a couple of granola bars off the counter and shoved them into her bag in case Cass got hungry.

Cass stayed rooted in her seat, not looking at Izzie. "I want Mommy and Daddy," she said again.

Izzie sighed. "We can see them at the hospital," she said, taking Cass into her arms, balancing her coffee cup and bag on her other arm. Izzie locked the front door of her house. Meredith had signed over to her after she moved in with Derek.

"I want to see them now," Cass said as Izzie placed her in the front seat and buckled her in. "I want to go home."

"Cass, Mommy and Daddy need to stay in the hospital for a while," Izzie explained, turning the car onto the road. "They need to make sure that your little brother is all healthy before you can go home."

Cass folded her arms across her body, using her curls to cover her face. She looked out the windshield, the trees on the roadside running past her. "I want to go home," she said again to nobody in particular.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Derek stood in the doorway of Meredith's hospital room, leaning against the frame. He watched her eyes flutter open and she shifted in the bed before looking at him.

"Hi," she said with a tired smile.

Derek smiled, acutely aware of the way her golden hair framed her face and the bright rosy color her cheeks held. "Hi," he said as he walked over to her bedside and kissed her.

"Where's Cass?" Meredith asked immediately, sitting up slightly and looking around the room for her daughter.

"Izzie's bringing her," Derek answered, pushing stray strands of hair behind her ears. "She just called me."

Meredith nodded and relaxed against her pillow. "We should get him," Meredith said, looking at Derek. "I want Cass to see her brother."

"I've already asked Peds to bring him," Derek said, his fingertips running down the length of her cheek.

"Mommy, Daddy!" Cass called as she ran into the room, barrelling into Derek.

Izzie jogged in after her, precariously balancing her coffee cup and her bag. "Hey," Izzie breathed heavily. "I tried to stop her but she kept running."

Derek lifted Cass onto his hip. "Yeah, she tends to do that," he said. "Can you take her again tonight?"

"Alex can pick her up and take her to school," Izzie said, turning to leave the room. "I'm on call tonight."

Izzie ran out of the room, already half an hour late for her shift. She paused at the end of the hallway and turned back, running back into the room. "Is he here yet?" she asked.

Derek shook his head. "They should be bringing him up soon," Derek said.

Izzie looked at her watch and sighed. "Damn it," she muttered. "I really want to see him." Izzie took off running down the hallway again.

"See who, Daddy?" Cass asked, pulling on the collar of Derek's jacket.

Derek smiled, thinking about his son with his eyes and hair. "Your brother, Princess," Derek said.

Cass wriggled her way out of Derek's arms and jumped on Meredith's bed. "Hi, Mommy!"

Meredith smiled and cradled Cass's head close to her, running her fingers through her tangled hair.

"Hi, baby girl," Meredith said to her

"Be careful, Cass," Derek said cautiously as Cass climbed closer onto Meredith.

Meredith kissed Cass's forehead, breathing in the scent her hair. She realized that she could smell fragrance of Izzie's shampoo instead of the lavender that Cass normally used at home. In a couple of days, Meredith could already sense the difference in her daughter.

Meredith looked at Derek, his eyes of concern at Cass holding onto her so tightly. "I'm fine, Derek," she over to him softly.

Derek walked over and sat on the edge of her bed. "I know you are," he said to her, their hands touching over Cass's curls.

The door opened and nurse dressed in purple scrubs wheeled in the plastic crib. "He just woke up," the nurse said quietly as she wheeled the crib next to Meredith's bed.

Meredith smiled widely as she slowly picked up her son, cradling his head. "Hey," Meredith whispered, rocking him gently.

Cass waved to the nurse as she walked out and Derek slipped his arm around Cass's shoulders and kissed the top of her head. "What do you think, Cass?" Derek asked her softly.

Cass peered over at the baby resting quietly in her mother's arms. "He's small," Cass said in wonderment.

Derek laughed gently. "You were even smaller when you were born, Princess," Derek said, slowly pulling his fingers through Cass's curls.

Cass looked over her shoulder to her father and moved herself so she sat on Derek's lap. "What's his name, Daddy?" Cass asked, hugging onto his neck tightly.

Derek looked at Meredith who shrugged. "We don't know yet, sweetheart," Derek told Cass.

"Let me see him," Mark said loudly, clapping his hands together as he walked confidently into the room.

Cass instantly brightened up and jumped from Derek's lap onto the floor. "Hi, Uncle Mark!" she said cheerfully, lifting her arms up so Mark could carry her.

"Hey, Cass," Mark said swiftly, brushing past her and walking over to Meredith's bedside.

Cass reluctantly put down her arms and climbed back onto her father's lap.

Mark looked over at the baby resting quietly in Meredith's arms. "He looks like me!" Mark exclaimed.

Derek laughed. "I hope not."

Mark looked closer at the baby, examining his tiny features. "He definitely looks just like me," he said again.

Meredith shook her head. "He's got Derek's eyes and hair," she said looking at her son and husband. "He looks like Derek," Meredith concluded, kissing her son's forehead.

"Who looks like Shepherd?" Cristina asked conversationally, walking into the room and sitting down on the foot end of Meredith's bed.

Meredith motioned to the baby in her arms, leaning forward for Cristina to look closer at him.

She assessed the baby's features, nodded and smiled slightly. "He's cute, Mer," she said, leaning against the end of the bed. "Definitely Shepherd's kid."

Cass bounced excitedly on Derek's lap. "What about me, Aunt Cristina?" she asked.

Cristina looked at Cass's features assessing her the same way she did her brother. Her blonde curls had darkened gradually over the years and became a dark blonde like Meredith's. The trademark barrel curls that Cass had been known for had straightened out slightly and transformed into waves like Derek's. She had her father's eyes and mouth but her mother's ears and nose. "Hard to say, Cass," Cristina replied eventually.

"I don't look like Mommy or Daddy?" Cass asked carefully, the hurt evident in her voice.

"No," Cristina began, thinking about how to answer Cass. Cass's immediately looked up to Derek, worried. "I mean that you look like both your Mom and Dad, so it's hard to say," Cristina explained.

"Does that mean you're still my Mommy and Daddy?" Cass asked, looking at Derek and Meredith.

Derek hugged Cass closer into him. "Of course we are." Derek leaned close to Cass and whispered to her. "You're my Princess," he said.

"Hey guys," Lexie said as she walked into the room. She stopped short when she Mark and Cristina on the bed. "I can come back if you want," Lexie said, pointing awkwardly at the door and shuffling towards it.

Meredith smiled. "No, it's fine," she said. "Stay."

Lexie walked into the room smiling slightly at her superiors.

Cass waved vigorously. "Hi, Aunt Lexie!" she said excitedly.

Lexie looked briefly at her then back at the baby in Meredith's arms. "Hey, Cass," she said abruptly. Lexie slowly peeled the baby's blanket from his face and smiled when she saw him fully. "He's beautiful, Mer," Lexie breathed.

Meredith saw Derek's proud smirk over Lexie's shoulder.

"Have you named him?" she asked, still looking in awe at the baby.

Meredith sighed. "His middle name is after Derek's dad," Meredith said hopefully.

Mark looked up. "You're naming him after dad?" he asked incredulously.

Derek nodded and smiled slightly. "William," he said, his voice thick with memory.

Cass bounced enthusiastically. "I have a name," she sang.

"Really?" Meredith asked, humouring her. Cass nodded, pleased with herself. "What's the name?" she asked.

"Nathan. Like Nathan Mrs. Simone reads to us about," Cass said. Her face was bright with anticipation

"Nathan," Derek said slowly, smiling as he said the name. "Nathan William Shepherd."

Mark pulled an apple out of his lab coat pocket and crunched loudly. "I like it," he said, chewing nosily.

Derek and Cass looked at Meredith expectantly. She nodded. "I really like it."

Cass clapped her hands as Derek set her down on the ground. "Uncle Mark is going to take you to daycare," Derek said as he looked to Mark.

Mark nodded and expertly tossed his apple core into the trash. "Let's go, Cass," he said holding out his hand for Cass and taking one last look at Nathan.

Cass looked at Derek sadly. "Daddy, you always take me to daycare," she said.

Derek quickly kissed Cass's forehead and turned back to Meredith and Nathan. "Go with Uncle Mark today, Cass," he said.

Cass reluctantly took Mark's hand and looked back at her parents and Aunts crowded around her brother, no one seeing the dejection in her eyes.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"Nathan, please stop crying," Meredith said desperately as she signalled left. She pulled up to Cass's school as Nathan's cries increased.

Meredith braked the car and saw Cass sitting alone on the school steps, smiling at the sky. Meredith looked at the clock blinking on the dashboard. Forty- five minutes late.

"Cass," Meredith called out the window.

Cass saw Meredith and waved to her as she skipped up to the car. "Hi, Mommy!" she said happily.

"Hi, Cass," Meredith said as she checked the rear view mirror and signalled right.

Cass leaned forward in her seat and kissed Nathan's cheek. "Hi, Nathan!" she said.

Meredith sighed as they pulled up to a red light. "Cassidy, why is your seatbelt not on?" she asked sternly.

Cass obediently sat back in her seat and pulled her seatbelt across her body. "Guess what, Mommy?" Cass asked as the car started moving again.

Meredith sighed as a car merged onto her lane in front of her. "What, Cass?" she asked tiredly.

Cass swung her feet against the leather seat. "Today we drew pictures and-"

A car suddenly honked loudly and Nathan began crying immediately.

"Crap," Meredith said quietly.

"Mommy!" Cass called loudly, trying to get Meredith's attention. The added noise increased Nathan's cries.

Meredith sighed, completely frustrated. "Cassidy, please," she said in desperation. "Could you be quiet?"

Cass sat back and looked out the window, not wanting to get in any more trouble.

Cass hummed to herself quietly as they pulled into the driveway. She opened the door for herself and slid out of the car, almost tripping from the height of the car.

Meredith hastily opened the door holding Nathan in one arm and the diaper bag and keys in the other. "Come on, Cass," she said briskly, holding open the door.

Cass quickly picked up her pace and ran inside, remembering to take her shoes off in the mudroom so she wouldn't get yelled at.

"Cass please be good while Nathan takes a nap," Meredith said, heading for the stairs.

Cass set her backpack neatly by the door and went over to the television. Daddy always turned on The Little Mermaid for her when she was supposed to be quiet or go to sleep.

The movie flashed on the screen, the opening credits blaring loudly. Cass quickly searched for the remote and remembered to press the down button like Daddy had shown her.

Outside, she could see the skies grow grey as the branches of the trees swayed. Cass curled into herself, hugging onto a pillow when Ursula appeared on the screen. "I'm not scared," she told herself. Ursula began laughing, spinning her tentacles around in circles as the branches slapped against the window.

Cass immediately jumped up from the couch and ran for the stairs. She remembered now why Daddy told her she couldn't watch this movie alone. She threw open the door to the baby's room and ran for Meredith standing over Nathan's crib. "Mommy!" she exclaimed loudly, terror laced through her syllables.

Nathan opened his eyes again and began crying. Meredith groaned and cradled Nathan again, walking around the room with him and patting his back. "What is it, Cass?' she asked, exasperatedly.

"Mommy, Ursula was going to eat me," she said seriously, holding on tightly to the bars of Nathan's crib.

Meredith sighed. "Didn't Daddy tell you not to watch that movie alone?" she asked.

Cass nodded slowly. "I'm really quiet when I watch Ariel," she said.

Meredith laid Nathan back in his crib, sleeping soundly. "Let's go, Cass," she said, taking her daughter's hand and walking down the stairs.

Cass skipped joyfully, finally having her mother to herself. "Can we watch Ariel now?" Cass asked.

Meredith nodded and picked up the DVD remote, fast- forwarding through the scene with Ursula. "Okay, Cass," Meredith said, setting the remote down. "You can watch now."

Cass removed her hands covering her eyes and looked at the screen. She smiled and sat down in front of the television, holding on tightly to a throw pillow.

Meredith sank down on the couch and lay her head down on the armrest, pillowing her head in her arms. She contemplated calling Derek and asking him to come home but she remembered the craniotomy he had been talking about the whole weekend and knew she couldn't. Meredith knew as much as Derek loved Cass and Nathan, she could never take away the fact that he was a surgeon, too.

"Mommy," Cass called, shaking Meredith's shoulder. Meredith reluctantly opened her eyes and saw Cass's wide with fear. "She's back," Cass whispered, pointing at the television screen.

Meredith identified the scene as the second to last and skipped to the end. She closed her eyes as she heard the song roll in the credits.

"Mommy," Cass called again.

Meredith resisted the urge to cry. "What, Cass?" she asked, her eyes still closed.

"Mommy, Ariel is done," she said.

"Go find something else to do, Cass." Meredith said. She heard Cass's feet run off in the other direction and rejoiced in the momentary quiet.

Cass's came running back into the living room with Hershey at her side. Meredith heard Cass talking to herself quietly, saying something incoherent.

"Mommy," Cass said again, looking to Meredith.

Meredith unwillingly opened her eyes. "Cass, Mommy's very tired," she began.

"But Mommy," Cass said, holding up her shoes. "I forgot what to do next."

Meredith looked at Cass holding onto her shoelaces that she had looped. "Go under the bridge next," Meredith said, closing her eyes.

Cass sat down on the floor and Hershey walked over to sit at her side. Cass finished tying her shoelaces and held up her shoes for Meredith to see. "Mommy," she called. "Mommy look."

Meredith sat up, knowing that trying to get any rest would be futile. "That's very nice, Cass," Meredith said unenthusiastically.

Cass looked at her shoes, her pride hurt that her mother didn't see her tied shoes. She set her shoes down on the floor and patted Hershey's brown fur. "Mommy, I'm hungry."

Meredith sighed and smiled the best that she could. "I'll make you a sandwich," she said. Meredith stood up and walked to the kitchen slowly, afraid that she might fall over if she walked any faster.

Cass followed with Hershey, dragging her shoes across the floor. She swung her legs against the breakfast table, fidgeting as Meredith spread the peanut butter. She set it down in front of Cass, slipping into the seat beside her.

"Mommy, you forgot the jelly," Cass said as she peeled the two slices of bread apart.

Meredith rubbed her temples. "Please, Cass, can you just eat that for today?"

Cass looked down at her sandwich again. "Please, Mommy?" she asked softly.

Meredith angrily stood up and grabbed Cass's plate.

"Come on, Hershey," Cass said, as she ran out of the kitchen into the mud room. She unzipped her backpack and remembered what she had worked on during school today. "Mommy, mommy," she called as she ran back into the kitchen.

Meredith was slowly spreading the jelly onto Cass's sandwich.

"Mommy!" Cass said again excitedly.

"Yeah, Cass?' Meredith answered tiredly.

Cass held up the drawing she did in school. "I made this for you, Mommy," she said.

Meredith glanced briefly at the page Cass was holding. "Thanks, Cass," she said quickly as she took the picture and set it on the counter, not looking at it once.

Cass sat down, broken hearted that the drawing that she had worked so hard on for her mother wasn't looked at once.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Cass ran down the stairs when she heard the front door slam. "Daddy!" she called as she ran for Derek.

Derek smiled tiredly and set his bag and jacket by the side of the door quickly and swung Cass into his arms. "Hey, Princess," he said, kissing her lightly. "Where's Mommy?"

Cass pointed at the ceiling. "Upstairs."

Derek looked up the stairs, knowing Meredith was with Nathan. "Why don't you go watch something while Daddy goes say hi to Mommy and Nathan?" Derek asked, setting Cass on the ground.

Cass stood where Derek placed her, looking up at him hopefully. "Go on and watch something, Cass. And be very quiet," Derek said as he jogged up the stairs. He walked hurriedly down the hallway barely observing the pictures on the wall.

"I'm sorry," Derek said immediately as he walked into the room, well over an hour and a half later than he said he would be.

Meredith stopped walking around the room and looked at Derek tiredly. "It's fine," she said quietly.

Derek walked over to Meredith and kissed her deeply while he expertly shifted Nathan into his arms. "Go rest," Derek instructed, patting Nathan's back.

Meredith shook her head but sank into the rocking chair in the corner of the room. "How was the surgery?" she asked, her eyes closed.

Derek whispered to Nathan, kissing his soft hair. "Good. No complications."

Meredith smiled at the pride in Derek's voice. "I spent the whole day supervising Cass," Meredith said.

Derek stopped and lay Nathan down in his crib. "You should have put on the Little Mermaid for her," he said knowingly. "I've never seen her more quiet."

Meredith sighed. "When she's with you. I had to fast forward through the scary parts, you know the ones with that ugly octopus?"

Derek nodded. "I told her not to watch that movie alone." Derek took Meredith's hand and led her out of Nathan's room.

"You could bring her to day care at the hospital," Derek suggested as he unbuttoned his shirt and slipped on his Yankees tee shirt. "I could bring her home after work."

Meredith collapsed on their bed, lying across its width. "No," she sighed. "She should have a home to come to after school."

Derek sat down on the bed running his hand through his hair. "I missed seeing you today," Derek said.

Meredith reached over and slipped her hand into his. "So do I," she said softly, thinking about their encounters at work, bumping into each other in the hallways, scrubbing in together, dates in the on call rooms

Derek looked at her intensely, his thumb running over the smooth skin of her hand. He leaned down and kissed her, pinning his hands on either side of her body.

"Derek," she murmured, wrapping her arms around his neck. "We can't."

Derek kissed her jaw line, lacing his hands through her hair. "Why not?" he whispered.

"Cass," Meredith said.

Derek kissed her again, pulling her close to him. "Downstairs. I told her to watch something."

Meredith sighed contentedly, kissing him back deeply. "We shouldn't," she said again.

Nathan's cries carried down the hallway and Meredith and Derek instantly broke apart. "Crap," Meredith muttered as she unlocked her hands from Derek's neck and ran down the hallway.

Derek got up after her, following her into Nathan's room. "Cass," he sighed when he saw his daughter leaned over Nathan's crib.

Cass smiled widely at them. "I wanted to see if Nathan wanted to play with me," she said innocently.

Meredith picked up Nathan walking around the room again. Derek looked at Meredith, her eyes tired but determined. "Cass, go to bed," he told her.

Cass looked at Derek then Meredith, the first time she had ever been asked to go to bed by herself. "But Daddy," she began.

Derek looked at her, his arms crossed. "Go. To. Bed. Now." Derek enunciated slowly, his tone strict.

Cass looked to Meredith hopefully who simply shook her head jadedly at her. Cass ran out of the room, her tears threatening to spill and slammed the door, causing Nathan's cries to escalate.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Meredith opened her eyes as she felt Nathan stir against her. She looked around the room, realizing that she had fallen asleep on the rocking chair in the baby's room holding Nathan. She patted him, trying to get him to go back to sleep and checked her watch.

"Oh, crap," she whispered and walked as quickly as she could to Cass's room.

"Cass," she called loudly, knocking on the door. Nathan's eyes opened filling quickly with tears. "Please don't cry, Nate," Meredith said, bouncing him.

Meredith knocked again. "Cassidy!" she called. She opened the door to find the bed messily made and the closet doors opened.

Meredith walked down the stairs, hoping that Derek had woken Cass up and gotten her ready for school.

"Hi, Mommy!" Cass said cheerfully, stirring her Cherrios and bananas around in her bowl.

Meredith sighed and sat beside Derek who was concentrated on a stack of papers in front of him. "Hurry up, Cass, you're going to be late," Meredith said, leaning over to look at the papers.

Derek kissed Meredith quickly and took a sip of his coffee. "It's for Richard," Derek explained.

"Is it important?" Meredith asked, looking through the stack.

"Mommy," Cass interrupted.

Derek shook his head and finished off his coffee. "Just reports and notes on a case he wanted to see."

"Daddy," Cass called, banging her spoon against her bowl.

Meredith continued sifting through the papers. "What case? Is it anything serious?" she asked, worried.

Derek moved closer to Meredith, looking at the papers she was holding. "No, nothing serious," he said. "It was a case from a couple months ago. I think Richard is just curious."

"Mommy, Daddy!" Cass shouted, kicking her chair loudly.

Both Meredith and Derek looked to her, putting the papers down. "Cassidy Shepherd," Derek said, his voice low. "Do not do that. Do you understand?"

Cass looked at Derek angrily, her eyes stormy and hurt. In one swift movement, she swept her cereal bowl off the table. The white porcelain shattered over the tiles and the milk seeped through the cracks.

Meredith stood up trying desperately to calm Nathan. Derek looked at Cass trying his best not to yell and increase Nathan's cries. "Take her to school," Meredith said to Derek quietly.

Derek stacked his papers, acting deliberately calm and placed them in his bag. "Get in the car, Cassidy" Derek said coolly, shrugging on his jacket. Cass jumped out of her chair, knocking it over in the process and slammed the door to the mud- room.

"I'll pick her up," Meredith said as she wet a cloth.

Derek sighed and set the chair back upright. "I'll deal with her," Derek said as he kissed Meredith and Nathan quickly, both of them wondering exactly triggered Cass's outburst in the first place.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Cass slammed the door of the car, crossing her arms over her body and refusing to look at Meredith.

"Hi, Cass," Meredith said, using the rear view mirror to look at Cass. Cass turned towards the window and stayed silent.

As they pulled into the driveway, Cass began playing with the lock on the door, clicking it back and forth.

Meredith sighed and turned the key, cutting off the engine. "Cassidy," smoothly, looking back at her daughter. Cass began clicking the lock faster. "Cassidy," Meredith said again. "Mommy and Daddy do not like what you're doing. We want you to think about what you're doing and stop this behavior," Meredith paused to see if Cass was listening. "Do you understand Cass?" she asked.

Cass opened the door and slammed it hard, not once acknowledging Meredith. She waited as Meredith opened the door, kicked off her shoes and walked straight for the television, turning it on.

Meredith took the remote and shut the television off, standing in front of it. "I want you to go up to your room and think about your behavior," she instructed.

Cass looked at Meredith for the first time since she came home from school and stayed seated. "Go," Meredith said calmly, pointing at the staircase.

Cass set her jaw angrily before getting up and running towards her room, slamming the door.

Meredith sank down on the sofa, holding Nathan, deep in sleep close to her. "She's not normally like this," Meredith told him softly. "She's normally so good."

Nathan turned his head, facing away from Meredith. "Am I a bad mother?" Meredith asked quietly. She looked out the windows, the skies quickly darkening. "I know I'm not good at this," Meredith whispered to Nathan. "But I love you and Cass."

The lightening streaked through the sky followed by the crash of thunder. Nathan woke instantly, his cries louder than the thunder.

Meredith walked away from the window and up the stairs. "It's okay," she whispered to him, holding him protectively. She opened the door to the nursery, talking softly to Nathan.

"Don't be scared, Nate," she whispered, patting his back. She turned on CD of lullabies Derek kept in the room and hummed along softly to them. The rain drummed loudly on the window and roof, a sound Meredith usually found calming.

"Shh," she said as Nathan's cries decreased and his eyes closed. "Don't be scared."

She placed Nathan in his crib and turned the lullabies on louder, leaving the door to Nathan's room wide open in case he needed her.

"Cass," Meredith called, tapping on Cass's door. She knew Cass was deathly afraid of thunderstorms and couldn't be left alone during them. "Cass, can I come in?" Meredith asked. She opened the door after she got no reply to find the room neatly organized.

Meredith breathed deeply and walked over to the closet, opening it. "Cass, this is not funny," Meredith called as she ran down the hallway, throwing open every door. She checked under her and Derek's bed, in the bath tub, behind the curtains, all of Cass's favorite places to hide.

"Cassidy Shepherd!" Meredith called again as she ran as quickly as she could down the stairs, "this is not funny."

She ran through the living room and kitchen, checking the backyard in the process. "Cass!" she yelled, cupping her hands around her mouth, not caring if she woke Nate.

Meredith saw the door to the mud room rocking on its hinges and she walked slowly over to it, suddenly afraid of what she would find. She looked to the coat rack first to find Cass's coat missing along with her shoes.

"Oh, God," she whispered as she slipped on her shoes and ran outside. Instantly the rain pelted down on her and blurred her vision. "Cass!" Meredith screamed, looking out into the distance. The trees, normally protective and sheltering now seemed deadly and haunting.

Meredith ran back into the house, grabbing her cell phone out of her jacket pocket. She wrongly dialled Derek's number three times before remembering that he was speed dial one.

"Hey," Derek said cheerfully on the other line.

"Derek," Meredith whispered into the phone, not knowing what to say.

"It's me, Mer," he said. The familiar sounds of pagers and heart monitors echoed in the background.

"Derek," Meredith said again. She could almost see Derek's demeanor changing on the other line.

"Meredith," he said slowly, his voice quiet. "What's wrong?"

Meredith bit her lip, a feeble attempt to prevent herself from breaking down. "There's a thunderstorm," she finally said.

"I know," Derek said, his voice slightly panic stricken. "What's wrong?"

Meredith shook her head, the tears finally tracking their way down her cheeks. "Derek, you need to come home," she whispered before hanging up. The irony didn't escape her; she had told her son not to be afraid, not to be scared but she couldn't remember a time when she had been more terrified.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Derek slammed the door of the car, not even bothering to turn off the engine. The rain had become more severe since he left the hospital, doing nothing for his nerves.

"Meredith," he called, noting that the house was unusually quiet. "Meredith!"

He ran quickly to the living and dining rooms before crossing to the kitchen. "Meredith," he breathed out shakily, frightened by the image of his wife staring at one of Cass's stick figure drawings. Meredith looked at him, her eyes red and tired.

"Where is Cass?" he asked, unable to mask the fear in his voice. He knew the moment Meredith mentioned thunderstorms it would be something related to Cass.

Meredith shook her head, fresh tears working their way down her cheeks. "I was with Nathan," she explained "And when I came down Cass's coat and shoes were gone."

She looked at Derek, not needing to finish what she was saying. "She so scared of thunderstorms, Derek," Meredith whispered.

Derek breathed deeply, completely still, attempting to process the information. "Stay with Nate, I'll look around here but if I can't find her, call 9-1-1" Derek said suddenly, turning for the door. He ran to his car, reversing messily. He drove slowly alongside the trees noting just how dark it was. Millions of thoughts ran through his head; if Cass was hurt, if she was scared, if she realized just how much he and Meredith loved her.

Derek dug for his phone, not needing to look at the numbers as he dialled.

"Hey, man," Mark answered, a laugh laced in his voice. "You'll never guess-"

"Mark," Derek cut of hastily. "Cass is gone," he said.

Mark paused. "What?" he asked loudly. "Where is she?"

"I don't know!" Derek answered slamming his hand on the wheel. "Mer said she was just gone."

"Calm down, man," Mark said. Derek could faintly hear Mark ordering a cappuccino from an intern. "Where would you go if you were four years old in a thunderstorm?"

"You're not helping," Derek muttered as he turned onto the main road. He paused, wondering if Cass would really go that far. "Would she have gone onto the road?" Derek asked, getting out of the car and looking around.

"I doubt it. She's scared of storms."

Derek sighed and leaned against his car, looking at the sky. "Do you want me to go out there?" Mark asked.

Derek shook his head. "No," he said. "I'll talk to you later." Derek got back into the car, turning back to the dirt path. He knew many of the places he could imagine Cass venturing off into would not be accessible by car.

Derek drove up to the land where his trailer once was and pulled the car into park. "Cass!" he yelled, looking around the empty land. He ran towards a patch of trees in the distance, silently hoping she wouldn't be masked in the darkness. The trees lined in seemingly endless rows and Derek began to realize the vast number of places Cass could be. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and tried to use its small light to see further into the distance.

"Damn it," he muttered, running down the path towards the water. He often fished there and remembered taking Cass and Meredith a couple of times.

"Cass!" he called again, squinting through the rain. His heart clenched for a moment when he realized that Cass couldn't swim. It would only take a moment for her to fall in and drown, his absolute worst nightmare.

Just as he was about to turn back towards the clearing, Derek caught a glare from the end of the water. He ran towards it, realizing as he neared that it was the safety sticker from the back of Cass's jacket.

"Oh, my god," Derek breathed in relief and fear as he saw Cass. He felt his heart clench tightly as he saw her leaning on a rock precariously close to the water's edge holding her right knee tightly. Both her hand and leg were dripping with blood.

"Cass," Derek said slowly, kneeling down beside her. He moved his hand slowly over the hand that was holding her knee. Cass flinched as he tried to gently pry away her hand. "Cass, sweetheart, please let Daddy see your knee."

Cass shook her head no and squeezed her knee tighter, the blood seeping through her fingers. Derek looked at her shoes, muddy and wet and realized that her shoelaces were untied, a sign of how she fell. The thunder rumbled loudly above and suddenly all past hurts were forgotten as Cass scrambled for her father, genuinely afraid of the sound.

"I got lost, Daddy," she sobbed, hugging him tightly. "And the skies got mad and I fell."

"Shh," Derek whispered holding Cass as close to him as he could. "It's okay. You don't need to be scared."

He lifted Cass into his arms, carrying her the way he did when she was a baby. She shook against him from both the cold and fear combined, but her sobs were drowned out from the roar of the storm. "It's okay," Derek said to her again as adjusted the seatbelt over her body and started the car. "Daddy will fix your knee when we get home," he promised.

Cass sniffled as Derek drove home, gasping slightly when the thunder clapped. "Don't be scared," Derek reminded her as they pulled into the driveway. He carried Cass to the door, calling for Meredith when they were inside.

Derek could hear Meredith's footsteps on the stairs running to meet them. "Oh, god," Meredith breathed thankfully, running towards them and shifting Cass into her arms. Cass latched onto her instantly, wrapping her legs around Meredith's waist.

"Don't ever scare Mommy like that again, baby girl," Meredith whispered to Cass stroking her dripping hair.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"Want some hot chocolate?" Derek asked, holding Cass's cup for her. She sat up, her blankets falling away and reached for her cup. Derek sat on Cass's bed, incredibly grateful that she was safe at home, warm and dry.

"How's your knee?" Derek asked, looking at the large white bandage around Cass's leg and checking for any tell tale signs of blood.

"It still hurts, Daddy," Cass said.

"It's going to hurt for a couple of days, sweetheart," Derek said. He was already thinking of every solution possible to minimize her pain.

Cass drank deeply from her cup and set it on her nightstand. "Do you love Nathan more than me?" Cass asked softly.

Derek breathed in sharply, suddenly understanding what had been bothering Cass for the past couple of days. He moved to the head of the bed, pulling Cass into his arms. "Cass, Mommy and I love you and Nathan equally."

Cass looked at him, confused. "What's equally?"

"Equally means the same. Mommy and I love you both the same," Derek explained, horrified that Cass would think that he would love Nathan more.

Cass rested her head on Derek's shoulder. "Am I still your Princess?" she asked.

Derek smiled and realized how long it had been since he had called her that. "You'll always be my Princess, Cass."

Cass nodded tiredly and let her eyes flutter close. "I love you, Daddy" Cass murmured sleepily.

Derek kissed the crown of her head and savored the scent of fresh lavender. "I love you so much, Princess," he breathed, the fear from receiving Meredith's call, from driving around in the pouring rain, from finding Cass covered in blood finally leaving his mind.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Meredith carried Nathan sleeping on her shoulder down the hallway, hoping to talk to Cass before she went to bed.

"Cass?" Meredith called lightly as she pushed the door open. She smiled instantaneously when she saw the sight in front of her; Cass sitting on Derek's lap, her head rested on his shoulder and her hair draped across his neck. Derek's arms were wrapped protectively around Cass, ready to ward off all the evils that might harm her.

Meredith walked over to Cass's armchair, relaxing against it. "This is your family, Nathan," Meredith whispered to him, feeling the true meaning of the words for the first time in months.

**A/N- So. Originally Cass was not going to have a brother, but I really couldn't do that to Mer and Der. They want kids. Plural. I really did want this story to be Cass-centric but I guess I'll have to start including Nathan! He will be appearing more in the chapters to come, but he couldn't really do much now except cry. **

**True story, by the way. I ran away when my brother was born. I got all the way to the bus stop. And I was scared of Ursula.**

**If you have anything to say, good or bad, please review! They help me so much when I write and really give me more motivation. Thanks so much for reading!**


	6. The Way You Look Tonight, Five

**A/N- So very sorry! It's been crazy between finishing Spanish homework I forgot about and working. And school hasn't even started yet. I am not excited. But, I hope you enjoy this chapter, it includes more of the Grey's characters.**

Meredith walked down the quiet hallway speaking softly to Nathan in her arms. "Mommy missed you today, Nate," she whispered, kissing the crown of his head. In response, Nate reached behind Meredith and pulled her hair lightly. Meredith laughed and untangled Nate's little hands from her hair. "We don't pull hair, Nate," she explained to him, knocking on the door of Derek's office.

"Hi, Mommy!" Cass said excitedly, throwing the door wide open.

Meredith smiled and leaned down to kiss Cass's forehead, brushing her hand over Cass's soft waves. "Hi, sweetheart," she said, walking into the office and closing the door behind her.

Meredith walked over to Derek furiously typing notes onto his computer and talking on the phone simultaneously. "Hey," she whispered to him, standing behind his chair and pulling some of his curls back from his forehead.

Derek stood up, hanging up the phone. "Hey," he said, kissing Meredith lightly. He smiled and shifted Nate into his arms, kissing him on the cheek. "Hey, buddy."

"Haven't seen you all day," Derek said, closing off his documents and shutting down his computer.

Meredith sighed and took Cass's coat off the rack. "In and out of surgery." Derek nodded in understanding. "Cass, sweetheart, come here."

Cass shut her coloring book and went over to Meredith, slipping her arms into her coat. Meredith leaned down and zipped up Cass's coat, kissing her nose. "All warm," Meredith said, rubbing Cass's arms. Cass turned when she heard someone knocking on the door.

"I'll get it!" Cass called, running towards the door. "Hi, Aunt Izzie!"

"Hey cutie," Izzie said, leaning down and hugging Cass tightly.

Meredith narrowed her eyes, wondering what Izzie was doing in the hospital, knowing that she had a date with Alex tonight.

"Mer," Izzie said excitedly, grabbing Meredith by the shoulders.

Meredith's fell back slightly, caught off guard. "Hey, Iz."

"I'm getting married!" she blurted out, shaking Meredith's shoulders. Meredith's eyes widened in shock at Izzie's news. "I know! I'm getting married! We'll we're getting married, Alex and I, but he asked me to marry him, and I said yes, well I mean of course I said yes, because it's Alex and I love him," she paused to take a breath and let go of Meredith's shoulders. "But I'm getting married! Mer, I'm getting married."

Meredith smiled, hugging Izzie. "That's great, Iz!" she said.

"Congratulations," Derek added in warmly, moving to Meredith's side.

"And I've already decided," Izzie continued, grabbing Meredith's shoulders again, "You're going to be maid of honor, well actually, matron of honor, and Cass is going to be the flower girl."

Cass looked up at Meredith nervously, not understanding the meaning of a flower girl. Meredith ran her fingers through Cass's waves and smiled at Izzie. "You should be with Alex," Meredith suggested, hugging Cass close to her. "Go be happy, Iz."

Izzie smiled, hugging Meredith again. "Thanks guys," she said excitedly, closing the door to Derek office.

Meredith sighed contentedly. "She's so happy," Meredith whispered to Derek alone.

Derek looked at her and nodded. "I know the feeling," he said quietly.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"That looks great, Iz," Meredith said, trying her best to sound enthusiastic after five wedding dress stores.

Izzie sighed and straightened out the train of the dress. "You think so? I think it's got too much going on. I was really looking for something-"

"Simple and elegant," Cristina finished off, staring at the ceiling. "We know."

Izzie glared at Cristina but brushed her hands over the front of her gown. "I don't think I like this one," she told the assistant.

Cass tapped Meredith and motioned for her to come forward. "How come Aunt Izzie is wearing so many dresses?" she asked quietly.

Meredith smiled, wondering how to answer Cass's question. "Aunt Izzie just hasn't found the dress that she wants yet," Meredith explained.

Cass sighed. "Is Aunt Izzie going to find the dress soon?"

Cristina groaned to Meredith's side. "If Aunt Izzie doesn't find her dress soon, Aunt Cristina is going back to the hospital," Cristina said to Cass.

"Hey!" Izzie snapped, carrying another dress back to the dressing room. "Be supportive."

"You try being supportive after five bridal shops," Cristina muttered. She shook her pager, desperately hoping for it to call her back to the hospital.

"Okay," Izzie called, stepping out of the dressing room. She spun, the material of the dress billowing from her sides.

Cass's eyes widened and she looked from Izzie to Meredith. "Wow, Aunt Izzie," she said in awe.

Izzie's smile widened. "I think this is the dress," she said, looking at herself in the mirror.

"Yes! Finally," Cristina said, sitting up straighter in her chair. Izzie glared at her again, but looked at herself happily in the mirror.

"What do you think, Cass?" she asked, turning so that she faced her.

Cass looked at Meredith, astonished that her opinion had been called upon. "You look like a princess, Aunt Izzie," Cass said genuinely.

Izzie smiled again and breathed out a sigh of relief. "What do you think, Mer?" she asked.

Meredith lifted Cass onto her lap. "I think it's beautiful Iz. It's very elegant," she said, being careful with her word choice.

Izzie sighed and turned back to the mirror. "I know," she breathed. "I think I need to take a little off the back, though" she told the attending, "and hem it a couple centimetres."

Cass looked at Meredith again. "Are we done yet, Mommy?" she asked quietly.

Meredith nodded and placed Cass on the ground. "We're done," Meredith said.

Izzie stepped out of the dressing room, breathless. "So you're sure that you don't want the bridesmaid dresses in pink, right?" she asked again.

Cristina's eyes widened in horror. "Yes," Meredith and Cristina said simultaneously.

Izzie made a face. "Fine," she relented, looking slightly upset at the dresses on the counter.

"They already are pink," Cristina muttered, looking distastefully at the wine red dresses laid on the counter.

"They're not!" Izzie defended, holding up Meredith's dress by the straps and looking at it. "It's a sort of red. It's very in."

Cristina looked at her pager again, willing it to ring. "I'm going back to the hospital," she said finally, picking up her dress and draping it over her arm.

Izzie nodded unconsciously, looking happily at her dress. "Oh, wait!" she said. She ran to her purse and two bags piled neatly near her dressing room and brought back a bag for Cristina. She held it out and Cristina looked at it menacingly. "What?" Izzie asked when Cristina made no move to take the bag. "I can't pick the cake all by myself."

Cristina took the bag and walked out of the store, eager to get back to the hospital. "There's one for you to, Mer," Izzie said as she handed her a large white bag with the bakery's name delicately embroidered across the front and her bridesmaid dress.

"We're going to go too," Meredith said, pointing towards the door. Izzie nodded. "Cass, honey, do you have your dress?"

Cass held up her bag proudly as Meredith held the door of the bridal shop open for her. "Are we going home?" Cass asked, climbing into the car and buckling her seatbelt.

Meredith smiled and nodded. "We need to put all this cake away," Meredith said, looking back at the stacked boxes as she reversed.

Cass looked back at the cake, confused. "Why did Aunt Izzie give you all the cake?" Cass asked.

"Because Aunt Izzie can't pick a cake by herself and we need to help her," Meredith explained.

"Why is Aunt Izzie picking a cake?"

Meredith smiled, thinking about the fact that Cass was still oblivious to the wedding. "Because Aunt Izzie is getting married and there's going to be a wedding."

"Oh," Cass answered slowly, grasping the concept better. "Did you have a wedding, Mommy?" Cass asked.

Meredith thought back to her and Derek's wedding, a beautiful and rare sunny day in Seattle as they vowed to each other on the land that their house had recently been built on. "Yeah, we did, sweetheart," Meredith said.

"Did you have a cake?" she asked immediately.

Meredith laughed. "We had a strawberry and vanilla cake," she answered.

Cass looked at her skeptically. "Daddy doesn't like strawberry," Cass reminded.

Meredith nodded and signalled right. She remembered the night Derek came home and told her he had already ordered the cake she wanted, completely disregarding his own choice.

She pulled into the driveway, suddenly glad when she saw Derek's car parked in front of hers. "Daddy's home!" Cass yelled, bolting out of the car, slinging her bag over her shoulder.

Meredith laughed and followed Cass into the house. She kicked off her shoes and ran into the living room, the cheers of Yankees fans echoing into the foyer.

"Hi, Daddy!" Cass said, running towards Derek.

"Hi, Princess," Derek said, leaning down to kiss Cass's forehead. "Did you have fun today?"

Cass nodded. "Can we watch the game?" Cass asked enthusiastically, already moving towards the couch.

Derek smiled at the success he had in attempting to educate Cass in sports. "Sure," Derek said. "Why don't you and Nate go and watch while Daddy says hi to Mommy?" he suggested.

Cass carried Nate expertly to the couch, sitting him beside her and quietly explaining what rules of baseball she knew to her brother.

"Hey," Derek greeted, taking the large bag of cakes from Meredith and setting them on the table.

"Hey," she breathed, thoughts of their wedding still running through her head.

Meredith laid her dress on the counter and moved to kiss Derek deeply, draping her arm across his neck.

Derek smiled and kissed her again softly. "What was that for?" he asked, a smirk on his face.

Meredith shrugged and picked up her dress again. "Where are Cass and Nate?" she asked, looking around the foyer.

"Watching the game," Derek said, moving his arms comfortably around Meredith.

She kissed him again lightly. "Who's winning?" she asked.

Derek smirked again. "The better team," he murmured, ducking down to kiss her neck.

Meredith laughed gently, savoring the feeling of Derek's lips on her skin. "So the Red Sox?" Meredith asked.

Derek smiled. "I can't believe I married a Red Sox fan," he said incredulously, attaching his lips to hers again.

Meredith responded quickly, moving her body closer into his. "You still love me," she stated softly.

Derek nodded seriously and weaved his hands through her hair. "I do," he agreed.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Cass hungrily dug her fork into Derek's slice of cake, taking a huge bite from it. "No more cake, Cass," Meredith said sternly. She speared her own fork into Derek's slice, sampling the flavor.

"How come you get cake?" Cass asked indignantly.

Derek laughed at Cass's astuteness. "Because I haven't had four slices, sweetheart," Meredith reasoned.

"Three," Cass bargained.

"Four," Derek agreed, taking a forkful of the vanilla sponge cake to his left. "That's not bad," he said, taking another bite of the cake.

Cass quickly grabbed her fork and stuffed a large bite of the cake into her mouth before anyone could stop her. "Cass," Meredith warned strictly, trying to hide the amusement in her voice.

"I like that one," Cass said sweetly when she swallowed. Meredith sighed and ran her fingers through Cass's hair, parting it so that she could braid it.

"Did you really have a strawberry cake at your wedding, Daddy?" Cass asked, remembering her earlier conversation with Meredith in the car.

Derek nodded, a nostalgic smile on his face as he remembered their wedding.

"You don't like strawberry," Cass stated.

Derek shrugged. "Mommy likes strawberry," he said by way of explanation. "And Daddy wanted to do something nice for Mommy."

Meredith smiled at the memory, tying off Cass's braid. "Where did you wedding?" Cass asked, leaning far over the table.

"Get married," Derek corrected, standing up to clear the table. He placed the remainders of the cake back in the boxes and set them in the refrigerator. "We got married right outside the house," Derek said.

Cass's eyes widened in shock. "This house?" she asked in wonderment.

Derek laughed slightly and motioned for Cass to take his hand. He walked with her to the front door, taking her out onto the deck. The cool Seattle air rushed at them and Derek smiled like he did every day when he saw the land in front of him. "Mommy and Daddy got married right there," Derek said, pointing out onto the lawn where Cass often played.

Meredith joined them quietly on the porch, holding the baby moniter and took Derek's hand in her own. "We got married here," Meredith repeated, her words intended for Cass but speaking so that only Derek could hear her.

Meredith and Derek smiled, remembering themselves six years ago, standing proudly on the land that was both theirs and vowing each other their undying love and promises of forever.

"Who was at the wedding?" Cass asked, breaking both of her parents thoughts.

Derek laughed at Cass's constant inquisitiveness and pushed open the front door.

"I'm going to check on Nate," Meredith said, squeezing Derek's hand and turning for the stairs.

Derek led Cass into the living room, pulling open a drawer to the side of the television. "I'll show you the pictures," Derek said, sitting on the couch beside Cass and spreading the album between them.

"There's Aunt Izzie!" Cass said excitedly, pointing to Izzie happily standing at Meredith's side. "And Aunt Cristina and Aunt Lexie," she said, pointing out her Seattle Grace Family.

"Is that Mommy?" Cass asked, pointing to Meredith decked in a white ruffled dress, her hair cascading in soft waves framing her face.

Derek smiled and felt pride swell in his heart. "That's Mommy," Derek agreed.

Meredith slid on the couch next to Derek, leaning into him to get a better look at the photographs. Derek drew his arm around her, breathing in her lavender scent.

"Mommy, you look like Cinderella," Cass said in awe, flipping through the photos.

Meredith laughed and leaned her head on Derek's shoulder. "Mommy looks prettier than Cinderella," Derek disagreed, his words aimed at Meredith.

Meredith smiled and felt the heat rise to her cheeks at Derek's compliment. "I like this picture," Cass breathed, pointing to a single black and white photo on its own page.

Derek looked at the photo and smiled at the familiar image, one he kept in his wallet. He and Meredith were inches apart, looking at each other with their champagne flutes held delicately in their hands, winning smiles gracing both their faces.

"Aunt Cristina took that," Meredith said quietly looking at the photo.

Cass flipped through the album, pointing out people she knew when she saw them. She eventually closed the album and opened to the black and white photo again, looking at it happily.

"It's like Disney," Cass said in awe. Meredith smiled at Cass's words, thinking that despite all the odds, they still got their happily ever after.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"Alcohol is here," Cristina called as she slammed the front door of the Shepherd house.

Derek lowered the volume of the television and stood up, examining the bags of alcohol in her hands. "Cristina," he said by way of greeting.

Cristina nodded in Derek's direction and pinched Nate lightly on the cheek. "Shepherd," she returned.

"They're in the kitchen," Derek said.

Cristina followed Derek's direction into the kitchen to find Meredith and Izzie salting margarita glasses. "Did you bring it?" Meredith asked, looking over her shoulder to make sure Cass was still satisfied with her chocolate milk.

"What is that?" Cass asked, looking at the fancy bottles of liquid that Cristina unwrapped proudly.

Meredith frowned for a moment and wondered if she should send Cass to watch the game despite her protests to stay with Meredith for the bachelorette party. "It's a grown up drink," Meredith explained cautiously. "You can't drink it until you're much older."

"Is it like Uncle Mark's drink?" Cass asked innocently. Cristina snorted and Meredith whipped around to get a closer look at Cass.

"Did Uncle Mark give you any?" Meredith asked worriedly.

"No," Cass started nervously. "He told me not to drink it because he put it in the fridge and Daddy would get mad if I touched it."

"Oh," Meredith said, turning back to salting the margarita glasses. She looked curiously at the door when the doorbell rang, seeing both Izzie and Cristina already in the kitchen.

"Stay here," Meredith instructed to Cass as she set down her glass and headed for the door. She raised her eyebrows when she saw Mark at the door, a wide grin on his face. "Mark," Meredith greeted. "Crashing Izzie's bachelorette party?" she asked standing aside and allowing him in.

Mark looked at her, confusion drawn across his face. "There's a bachelorette party?" he asked, a smirk on his face. Mark shrugged and headed for the living room. "Your husband invited me to watch the game," he called over his shoulder.

"Who was that?" Izzie asked, mixing the drinks in a metal shaker.

Meredith shrugged. "Mark," she said.

Izzie disapprovingly glanced at Meredith. "Is he crashing my party?" she asked.

Meredith laughed lightly. "They're watching the game."

"What are we drinking?" Mark asked as he walked into the kitchen.

"We are drinking margaritas," Izzie answered, putting emphasis on the we, holding her glass to her body protectively.

Derek laughed and pulled the fridge open, reaching for the bottled beers on the top shelf. "Here," he said and handed Mark a beer.

Mark popped the cap expertly and took a large mouthful. Cass's eyes widened, impressed. "Wow," she said slowly.

Meredith felt Derek moving to stand behind her, observing her over her shoulders. She felt Nate's little arms come around her neck and squeeze tightly. "Mama," he said confidently.

Meredith smiled and set her glass down, kissing the soft skin of Nate's cheek. "Hey, Nate," she said, noting the deep blue of his eyes. "Are you watching the Red Sox?"

Nate shook his head. "No," he said, shaking his head. "Yak-ee."

Meredith looked at Derek, a proud smirk on his face. "You're teaching our son all the wrong things," Meredith said lightly, going on her toes to kiss Derek gently. She could hear Cristina's faint groan in the background.

Derek laughed as Meredith took a sip of her drink. "Here," she said, pressing the glass to Derek's lips. She tipped it slightly, letting him sample the flavor.

Derek swallowed and shook his head. "Too much tequila," he said.

"Really?" Meredith said, taking another sip. Cass hopped off the counter and landed loudly on her feet, running to stand by Derek's side.

"I've never been a fan of tequila," Derek said as he unconsciously slid his arm over Cass's shoulders and hugged her close.

Mark slapped Derek's shoulder loudly. "Game's back," he said.

Derek kissed Meredith lightly and playfully tugged on Cass's ponytail. "Have fun," he said, following Mark back into the living room.

Meredith turned back to the island spread with margarita ingredients. "Oh god," Cristina began as she saw Meredith's small smile covered by her hair. "You guys get worse every year."

Meredith shrugged, never able to explain to Cristina that it was simply the routine that she and Derek had fallen into over the years.

"I think it's sweet," Izzie defended, a genuine smile on her face. "They're obviously still in love," she said.

Cristina rolled her eyes and took a large swig of her drink. "This is good," she said, finishing off her glass and pouring herself another.

"Iz, have you written your vows?" Meredith asked, taking Cass's empty cup from the counter and placing it in the dishwasher.

Izzie smiled. "Yeah," she said, a smile on her face. She frowned suddenly. "Do you think Alex has done his yet?"

Cristina laughed and finished off her second glass. "I'm sure he has," Meredith said quickly, not entirely sure of her words.

Meredith looked at Cass sitting on the counter carefully trying to avoid eye contact. "Cass, why don't you go upstairs and get ready for bed," Meredith said.

Cass groaned and jumped off the counter. Meredith finished off her margarita and set the glass down, turning for the stairs.

"Hey," Izzie started. "Where are you going?"

"To tuck Cass in."

Izzie's eyes widened and she downed her drink. "I'll come," she said following Meredith out of the kitchen.

Cristina filled her glass to the top and slid off her seat. "What are you doing?" Meredith asked skeptically as she saw Cristina following them.

"Going to do your mommy stuff," she answered, ushering them towards the stairs.

Meredith laughed and led Cristina and Izzie up the stairs. "Nice photos," Cristina commented as they walked down the hallway to Cass's room.

Meredith smiled when she saw them. "Derek loves them," she said. She opened Cass's door to reveal an unfinished tea party and stuffed animals strewn across the floor.

Cass came bounding out of the bathroom, diving onto her bed. "You're cleaning up your room tomorrow," Meredith warned as she picked up Cass's brush from her nightstand and began brushing her hair. Izzie sat on the foot end of Cass's bed and Cristina dropped to the floor, groaning as she lay down.

"What time do we need to be there tomorrow?" Meredith asked Izzie while working through the knots in Cass's hair.

Izzie's face instantly lit up. "Eleven," she answered.

Meredith pulled Cass's hair to one side and motioned for her to lie against her pillow. "Goodnight, sweetheart," Meredith said to her softly, pulling her blankets tightly around her.

"'Night Cass," Izzie added in softly.

She looked at Meredith, her head tipped slightly to the side. "What?" Meredith asked.

Izzie shook her head. "You know-" she was interrupted by a knock at the door.

Derek walked in, his jacket on his shoulders and Meredith sighed knowing instantly that she would be spending the majority of the night alone in their bed. "Is Cass asleep?" he asked softly, walking over to her bedside.

Cass's eyes immediately opened when she heard her name. "No," she replied sweetly.

"Go to bed, Princess," Derek instructed, a laugh in his voice as he kissed Cass's forehead. "I love you," he said to her.

Meredith smiled sadly when Derek turned to her. "I'm sorry," he started, sitting next to her on Cass's bed.

Meredith shook her head. "It's fine," she said.

Derek handed Meredith the baby monitor and a set of keys. "Nate's already asleep," he explained. "And Mark's still downstairs. Don't let him drive, he's had too many beers."

Cristina downed her glass and burped loudly. Derek looked at her and raised his eyebrows. "Don't let her drive either."

Meredith laughed and looked at Cristina strewn across the floor. "Will you be home before the wedding?" she asked.

Derek nodded. "It shouldn't take that long," he reassured her. Derek leaned down to kiss her quickly. "Love you," he said softly to her, brushing her hair away from her face.

"I love you, too," she responded, letting her lips linger on his slightly longer than their usual routine. Derek smiled and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Meredith turned back to Izzie, looking at her with a soft expression. "What were you saying?" she asked.

Izzie sighed. "You know how to be a married couple," Izzie began nervously. "You make it seem so natural and easy. You're all couple-y and happy and I don't know if I can do that."

Meredith narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean?" she asked.

Izzie sighed. "In the kitchen just know," she began. "When you gave Derek your drink," she paused to see if Meredith was following. "And before he left. Just the way you are with each other," she said, an edge to her voice. "How do you know how to do that?"

Meredith tipped her head and looked at Izzie, genuinely surprised at the question she asked. "I didn't learn it from anywhere, Iz," Meredith said, brushing her hand over Cass's hair, a method she used to check if she was asleep. "It's just something you fall into," she explained.

Meredith paused and looked down at her sleeping daughter. "Iz, do you want to marry Alex?" she asked softly.

"Yes!" Izzie answered immediately. Meredith raised her eyebrows and allowed Izzie to continue. "I'm in love with him," she said.

Meredith smiled at Izzie. "Then you're fine," she said. "You'll both be fine."

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"Hey," Meredith greeted happily when she walked out of the bathroom to find Derek adjusting the knot of his tie over his shirt.

Derek turned and smiled, genuinely happy to see her. "Hey," he said.

Meredith laughed and walked over to her husband, struggling with getting his tie straight. She wordlessly took the tie in her hands, reworking the knot.

"There," she said as she folded his collar over his tie, letting her hands rest on his shoulders.

Derek looked at her with a smile and kissed her, scooping her damp hair away from her face. "You smell incredible," he whispered to her before opening their bedroom door.

"Hi Daddy!" Cass said happily, looking up at Derek with an innocent smile.

Derek leaned down and kissed the top of Cass's head. "Morning, Princess," he said.

"Uncle Mark is on the floor downstairs," Cass said worriedly. "And he won't get up."

Derek smirked knowingly. "I'll go wake him up," Derek assured Cass. Meredith could hear him yelling at Mark to wake up and get off the floor as he walked down the stairs.

Meredith took Cass's dress and draped it over the back of her chair. "Why don't you go and wake Aunt Cristina," Meredith suggested, knowing Cristina would still be out cold in the guest room.

Cass nodded and ran out of the room yelling Cristina's name like her father had done. Meredith heard Cristina's loud groan and the pounding of her feet on the wood floor.

"Oh," Meredith said in shock taking in the mess that was Cristina's hair.

Meredith opened the door to the bathroom and Cristina silently walked in, stumbling along the way.

Cass looked at Meredith, amusement written over her features. "Come here, Cass," Meredith said, patting the foot end of her bed. Cass happily ran over, sitting in front of Meredith.

"Can I have the pink stuff?" Cass asked as Meredith brushed her hair.

Meredith's eyebrows knitted together. "What's the pink stuff?" she asked, careful to use the same tone that Cass used with her.

"The stuff that you put here," Cass said pointing to her lips as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Oh," Meredith said, understanding that she was talking about her lip gloss. "Sure."

Meredith pulled Cass's hair to one side, letting it fall prettily over her shoulder. She went to her make up bag and picked a faint pink lip gloss. "This stuff?" she asked Cass.

Cass nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah," she said reaching out towards it.

Meredith sat down in front of Cass. "Mommy will help you," she said. She gently held Cass's neck and loosely applied the gloss, just enough to be seen. She knew that it would be long gone before Cass would walk down the aisle. "Do this," she instructed, pursing her lips together.

Cass mimicked Meredith's motions. "It's very pretty, Cass," Meredith said.

Cass's face broke into a proud smile. "Can I have more?" she asked enthusiastically.

Meredith laughed and shook her head. "It's not going to be pretty if you use too much," Meredith warned, but she picked a powder blusher and brushed it over Cass's cheeks. "That's enough," she said.

Cass hopped off the bed and ran to the mirror. "It's pretty," she said in wonderment as she looked at her reflection. Meredith smiled and went to stand behind Cass, looking at them both in the mirror, realizing that she couldn't really decide who Cass looked like more. Until recently, she had always believed that she looked more like Derek.

"Can I put on the dress?" Cass asked, breaking Meredith's thoughts.

Meredith nodded and helped Cass slip the straps on her shoulders and zip it up. She tied the red bow on Cass's back and turned her around to adjust the ribbon and her hair. "Just like a princess," Meredith said softly, holding Cass's hands.

Cristina stumbled out of the bathroom, adjusting herself to the daylight. "Oh, god," she groaned.

Meredith bit her lip, knowing that Cristina just might spew profanities in her hangover state. "Cass why don't you go downstairs and see if Daddy got Nathan up," Meredith suggested.

Meredith waited before Cass was clearly out of earshot before turning to Cristina. "Can you walk down that aisle?" she asked, throwing Cristina her concealer.

"Shut up," Cristina groaned as she sank to the floor, her dress catching at her knees.

Meredith laughed and turned on her hair drier, making Cristina groan at the noise. "Seriously?" Cristina asked when Meredith turned it off.

Meredith checked her watch and sighed. "We have to go soon," Meredith said.

Cristina swore under her breath and stood up, flattening her dress. "I'm good to go."

Meredith turned to the mirror and quickly applied her lip gloss and mascara. "Without make up?" she asked.

Cristina glared at Meredith. "Yes," she answered.

Meredith shrugged and took her dress to the bathroom, slipping it over her head. "Let's go," she said, walking out the door and leaving Cristina to follow her.

"Derek, Cass," she called as she walked down the stairs, holding the back of her dress above her shoes.

"God, Grey," Mark said as he emerged from the living room, his hands rubbing his temples. "Is she always this loud?" he asked Derek jokingly.

Derek narrowed his eyes at Mark. "Shut up," Cristina defended.

Meredith smiled and walked over to Derek carrying Nate. "Hi, handsome," she said kissing Nate's cheek, straightening out his little jacket.

"Nate or me?" Derek asked, smirking at Meredith.

Meredith raised her eyebrows and ran her hand down Derek's lapels. "Both of you," she whispered to him softly.

"Let's go," Cristina said, she and Mark stumbling out the door.

Derek smiled and placed his hand on the small of Meredith's back ushering her out the door. "It's Shepherd," she whispered to him as they walked to the car.

"What?" Derek asked, confused.

"My last name. It's Shepherd, not Grey."

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"Hi, Princess," Derek said, leaning down on his knees so he could look Cass in the eyes. "Are you ready?" he asked. He reached behind Cass to retie her bow and pulled her hair over her shoulder.

Cass looked at Derek worriedly. "My tummy is all jumpy, Daddy," she said quietly.

Derek's eyes softened and he took Cass's hands in his. "That happens when you're nervous," Derek explained.

Cass turned her head and looked through the double doors at the quickly filling chapel. "They're so many people," she said quietly.

Derek squeezed Cass's hands gently. "It's normal to be nervous," he said.

"Do you get scared, Daddy?" Cass asked quietly.

Derek nodded. "All the time," he admitted. "Like when Daddy has to do a really big surgery and everybody's watching." Cass's eyes widened at the thought. "Yeah," Derek agreed when he saw Cass's expression. "But you know what I do?"

Cass shook her head, anticipating his answer. "I look really hard at one person when I get scared." Derek said.

"Who?" she asked.

"Well," Derek began, a small smile on his face. "Normally it's Mommy. But sometimes it's just the person standing next to me."

Cass smiled and her shoulders dropped. "So when you go out there, just pick one person to look at," Derek said. "I'll be right in the front, and Mommy's going to be standing next to Aunt Izzie. And once you're all done, you can come and sit with me," Derek said.

Cass nodded. "Okay," she breathed, her hold on her little basket loosening.

"Do you want to practice?" Derek asked, taking a petal throwing it at Cass. She giggled loudly and took a handful of petals, throwing them into the air.

Derek laughed and stood up, kissing Cass on the forehead. "You'll be great," Derek said, winking to her before stepping into the hall.

"You ready?" Cristina asked as she, Meredith and Izzie walked out of the dressing room.

Cass nodded and went to stand in front of Izzie. "You look beautiful, sweetheart," Meredith said, smiling over her shoulder at Cass.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"Hey, Cass!" Izzie called. "You did a great job!" she said, hugging her gently.

Cass smiled happily, hugging Izzie back. "Thanks, Aunt Izzie," she said.

Derek smiled and placed his hand on Cass's shoulder. "Congratulations," Derek added in.

Izzie smiled. "Thank you," she said sincerely. Alex walked up behind Izzie, and grabbed her at the waist, pulling her close to him.

"Hey, come dance with me," Alex said quietly to Izzie. Izzie smiled and took Alex's hand as he spun her onto the dance floor.

Cass laughed at Izzie and Alex spinning on the dance floor. "I want to do that, Daddy," Cass said looking up at Derek.

Derek laughed and patted Nathan's back. "With who?" Derek asked, slightly afraid of the answer once he asked the question.

Cass thought for a moment and looked fallen. "I don't know," she said. Her face lit up, suddenly. "You can dance with me," Cass concluded.

Derek smiled at the offer and looked around. "I can hold Nate for you," George said, sitting behind Derek.

"Are you sure?" Derek asked.

George nodded, already making a funny face at Nate. "Yeah," he said. Derek placed Nate into George's arms and turned to his daughter.

"Okay," Derek said, taking Cass's hands in his own. He held back a laugh when he saw Cass struggle with following his footsteps. "Cass, why don't we try something else?" Derek suggested.

Cass looked up at him expectantly. "Put your feet here and here," Derek said, pointing at the tips of his shoes.

Cass placed her feet on Derek's skeptically. "Doesn't that hurt?" she asked worriedly.

Derek shook his head with a smile. "No," he said, spinning them around. "It's because you're so little," he said, rumpling her hair slightly.

Cass looked at him indignantly. "I'm not little," she said stubbornly.

Derek suddenly thought back to when he first held Cass, when he could still carry her with one arm. "I guess not," he agreed softly. He held her close, savoring the precious moments where she held tightly to his hands and looked at him like he was the most important person in the world.

Cass laughed as she hopped off her father's feet and clapped as the song ended. "Why don't you go and find your brother?" Derek suggested as he saw Meredith and Cristina talking in the corner.

Cass followed Derek's eyeline and smiled. "Are you going to ask Mommy to dance?" she asked coyly.

Derek smirked. "Do you know you're too smart for your own good?" he asked Cass.

Cass smirked back, one to match her father's. "I know," she said, skipping off to find her brother.

Derek smiled as he walked towards Meredith and Cristina. He saw Cristina raise her eyebrows towards him and Meredith laughed at something she said. Derek knew that it must have been something about him. "Hey," Derek said, placing his hand on the small of her back.

Meredith turned to him and smiled. "Hey," she said.

"Dance with me," Derek said quietly into her ear.

Meredith raised her eyebrows suggestively but took his hand and followed him to the dance floor. "I saw you dancing with Cass," Meredith said with a smile. "It was very cute."

"My father used to do it with my sisters," Derek explained with a slight laugh.

Meredith wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder. Immediately, Derek hugged Meredith closer to him. "You're an amazing father," Meredith said softly to him. "And husband."

Derek pulled back and looked at Meredith, both of them barely moving. "You're an amazing wife and mother," he replied. Instinctively, they both turned to look at the ornately decorated tables to see Cass holding Nate on her lap, talking animatedly to George.

Meredith sighed and rested her head on Derek's shoulder again. "You look beautiful tonight," Derek whispered to Meredith.

She smiled and kissed his neck, breathing in his familiar scent. "I love you," she returned.

Derek looked at her intensely, holding his gaze as long as he could before abandoning his self control and kissing his wife deeply. He smiled as he did, marvelling about the fact that the way that he had felt about Meredith over the years had only greatly intensified. She pulled away first, holding his gaze just like he had done to her. "I love you, too," Derek whispered back.

**A/N- Alex and Izzie are married! I really don't know where they stand right now in the show, but I've always been a fan of them anyhow. Besides Denny. I loved him. I hope you liked this chapter and please leave a review if you have the time. The more reviews the faster I write…**

**Thanks again!**


	7. Deck the Halls, Six

**Disclaimer: Hah. I wish. No, it's not mine.**

**A/N- School's a bitch. That's all I'm going to say. Two weeks in and I'm ready to kill myself already…not a good sign. But here's the next chapter! I hope you enjoy it! And it's extra long, too. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed. It really means so much to me.**

Derek ran towards the scrub room of OR 1, knowing that Meredith would be finished with her aneurysm clipping.

"Hey," she said with a smile as Derek opened the door. She wiped her wet hands and threw the paper towels behind her.

Derek looked at Meredith with a smile before quickly walking over to her and taking her in his arms.

"Derek, what-" he silenced her with a kiss, his hands scooping her hair away from her face.

Meredith squeezed Derek's shoulders and raised her eyebrows at him. "You got chief," she stated, looking directly into his eyes.

Derek tipped his head to the side and smirked. "Yeah," he said.

Meredith's face broke into a smile as she wrapped her arms around Derek's neck again and kissed him again. "You're the Chief of Surgery," Meredith whispered to him, in awe at the statement.

"I'm the Chief of Surgery," Derek agreed with a smile, pulling Meredith close to him. "You're going to be Head of Neuro," he whispered to her.

Meredith froze and pulled away. "What?" she asked quietly.

"You were always going to be the next Head of Neuro, Mer," Derek explained.

Meredith shook her head. "I'm the Head of Neuro?" she asked.

"Yeah," Derek answered. Meredith shook her head again, disapprovingly. Derek sighed when he saw Meredith's displeased expression. "What?" he asked, slipping his hands into his pockets. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"While you were making big plans for our careers, did you think about asking me if I wanted the job?" Meredith asked heatedly.

"You're mad at me because I didn't ask you if you wanted to be the Head of Neuro?" Derek replied.

"Did you think about Cass and Nate while you're Chief of Surgery and I'm Head of Neuro?" Meredith asked softly.

Derek's eyes narrowed and he looked away from Meredith angrily. "I cannot believe you would ask me that," Derek said, his voice rising.

"Did you?" Meredith asked, raising her voice to Derek's volume and placing her hands on her hips.

Derek slammed his fist against the scrub sink, causing Meredith to jump slightly. "Yes, Meredith. I thought about our children before I gave you the job," he snapped.

Meredith stepped back, looking at Derek disbelievingly. "Did you give me the job because I'm your wife?" she asked slowly.

Derek shook his head and walked towards the door of the scrub room. "You are unbelievable," he said before slamming the door.

Meredith sighed and ran after him, trying to catch up with his painfully fast pace. "Derek," she said softly, catching his arm.

Derek turned on her furiously. "Not now," he said harshly, before pulling himself out of Meredith's grasp and walking away.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Cass pushed her pasta around her plate staring intently at her noodles. "When can we decorate the tree?" she asked softly.

Meredith sighed and set her fork down. "I'm not sure sweetheart," she said.

Derek looked at Cass's fallen face. "It's almost Christmas!" she complained loudly.

"We'll do it next weekend, Cass," Derek said to her, shooting a glare at Meredith.

Meredith looked away from Derek's stare and wiped off Nate's hands stained with tomato sauce. "Use your fork, Nate," Meredith said, placing his plastic fork in his hand. Meredith smiled slightly as Nate enthusiastically speared his pasta and shoved it into his mouth.

"Can we make cookies too? And can I help with the lights?" Cass asked, spinning her spaghetti on her fork and taking a large bite.

Derek shrugged. "Sure," he said.

Meredith turned back to Derek, speaking to him softly. "Derek, we need to-"

Derek turned to Meredith, his eyes narrowed. "Not at the table," he said.

Cass looked at her parents, her eyes wide. "I'm done," she said quietly. "Can I go?"

Meredith sighed, remembering how she used to do the same thing when her parents fought. "Yeah," she said. "Why don't you go upstairs?" Meredith suggested.

Cass nodded as she silently took her plate to the sink and ran up the stairs. Meredith stood up and took her plate and Nate's to the dishwasher.

Meredith stared at Derek incredulously as he walked away without a word once he had cleared his plates. Nate's voice calling for her broke her thoughts and she carried Nate out of his high chair and up the stairs. "Are you excited Christmas?" Meredith asked as enthusiastically as she could, hugging Nate close to her.

"Santa brings me a car!" Nate said excitedly.

Meredith laughed and placed Nate in his crib. "Aren't you too little for a car, buddy?" Meredith asked as she changed him into his pyjamas.

Nate shook his head defiantly. "No," he said proudly. Meredith smiled and wondered how she could actually get Nate a car. She tucked Nate into his bed and lined the perimeter with pillows just like they had done for Cass when she was younger. Meredith knelt at the side of the bed, watching as Nate's eyes closed and his fisted hands loosened, tell-tale signs of sleep.

"Cass wants to say goodnight to you," Derek said as he walked into Nate's room. Meredith nodded and turned away from Derek quickly. Meredith said nothing as she sat on the edge of Cass's bed and brushed her hair away from her eyes.

"Why are you sad, Mommy?" Cass asked. Meredith froze, remembering the countless times that she had asked Ellis the very same question.

Meredith shook her head and smiled, trying her best to mask her feelings from her daughter. "Mommy's not sad, baby girl," Meredith said gently.

"Is Daddy sad?" she asked.

Meredith sighed. "No," she said. "Mommy and Daddy are just talking about some big things right now, sweetheart."

Cass nodded, trying to look as mature as possible. "But it's going to be okay," Meredith said. "I promise."

Cass looked at the string of Christmas lights Derek had strung around her window. The colors reflected on the window and on her ceiling, making her smile. "Are we still going to decorate the tree?" Cass asked.

Meredith smiled. "Of course," she said.

Cass turned back and looked at Meredith straight in the eyes. "All of us?" she asked.

Meredith nodded immediately. "All of us," she repeated back. She kissed Cass's forehead, overwhelmed by the familiar lavender scent. "Goodnight, sweetheart," Meredith said, pulling Cass's blankets around her. "I love you."

Cass sighed contently and closed her eyes. "I love you, Mommy," Cass said in return.

Meredith closed Cass's door fully, afraid that any argument between her and Derek would disturb her sleep.

Derek met her in the hall, his hands in his pockets.

Meredith suddenly felt her heart beat faster as she looked at him, afraid about the argument she knew was pending. He walked away first, brushing past her swiftly and gliding swiftly down the stairs. Meredith followed, knowing that was what he had intended.

"Don't take the job if you don't want it, Meredith," Derek began. Meredith bit her lip but kept her composure. She knew that any argument that started with Meredith instead of Mer wouldn't end well.

"That's not what I meant, Derek," Meredith said.

"Then what," Derek said, his voice rising. "What did you mean?"

Meredith crossed her arms and inhaled deeply, knowing that her answer would be the one that sparked the argument. "I don't want Cass and Nathan to experience my childhood," Meredith said bravely.

Derek looked at her furiously before turning away from her and placing both his hands on the mantle. Meredith saw the muscles in his arms contract as he gripped the polished wood and wished that she had said nothing.

"Don't go there, Meredith," he said quietly.

"Why not? It's going to happen," Meredith stated. "While you're off being Chief of Surgery and I'm the Head of Neuro, who's going to be with them?" she asked, gesturing towards the stairs. "I don't want Cass coming home to an empty house and I don't want Nate to spend his toddler years in the Seattle Grace Daycare because you and I are too busy living our dreams!" Meredith paused and lowered her voice. "I do not want that to happen to them."

"So this is about me," Derek said as he turned to face her, his eyes a dark indigo. "If you don't want me to be Chief of Surgery, just say so."

Meredith sighed. "That's not what I said."

"Tell me what you want, Meredith!" Derek yelled suddenly.

Meredith stepped back as Derek raised his voice. "I want our children to have a better childhood than I did," Meredith said eventually, choosing her words carefully.

"They will be fine!" Derek yelled, stepping closer to Meredith. "My father died when I was nine and I was just fine! Not everyone will be as insecure as you are!"

Meredith stepped back, painfully stung by Derek's words.

Derek immediately stepped towards her, instantly regretting what he had said. "Mer, I didn't mean-"

"Get out," she whispered, trying to keep her voice from breaking.

"Mer, please," Derek said, moving closer to her

Meredith pulled away and shook her head. "Just go," she said more forcefully, her eyes glazing over with hurt and fire. Derek stood in front of her, unsure if he should stay and attempt to apologize or leave as she wanted him to. She cringed as she heard the door close and breathed out shakily.

"Mommy," Cass called softly from the staircase.

Meredith immediately wiped any unshed tears from her eyes and walked towards the staircase, trying to smile. "Hey, sweetheart," Meredith said, sitting on the step beside Cass. "Why are you still up?" she asked.

Cass's eyes immediately filled with tears that threatened to spill. "Where did Daddy go?" Cass whispered.

Meredith shook her head and attempted to smile. "Daddy just went for a walk," she lied.

Cass looked down at her knees and Meredith noted the teardrops that fell onto her pyjamas. "Daddy will be back soon," she lied again.

Cass's shoulders began to shake and Meredith pulled Cass into her arms, hugging her close.

She pulled Cass's hair away from her face and whispered gently to her, telling her that it would be okay. She wondered briefly if her own mother had ever felt the same way that she felt now.

"You're sad, Mommy," Cass stated.

Meredith held Cass closer to her and didn't try to deny the fact. "It's okay, sweetheart," she said simply.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"Meredith," Derek called, following her through the sliding doors of the hospital, moving to walk side by side with her.

"Daddy!" Nate called enthusiastically, launching himself out of Meredith's arms into Derek's.

Derek smiled slightly and kissed Nate's forehead. "Hi, buddy," he said softly.

Meredith felt instantly guilty when she saw Nate hold onto Derek tightly. "Hi," she said softly, not able to meet Derek's eyes.

"Meredith," he started, shifting Nate on his hip.

Meredith walked towards the elevator and shook her head. "Don't," she said, eyeing Nathan.

Derek followed Meredith up to the daycare center, speaking softly to Nate as he did. He reluctantly set Nate down when they reached the center.

"Bye, buddy," Derek said, bumping fists with Nate gently. "I love you," he said.

Meredith got down on her knees and looked Nate straight in the eyes. "I love you so much," she whispered to him, holding him tightly.

Derek allowed Meredith to exit first and followed after her. He was surprised when she led him towards his office, but said nothing as she threw open the door and slipped off her coat.

"I'm sorry," Derek started, taking his and Meredith's coats and hanging them up on the coat rack.

Meredith crossed her arms and resisted the urge to turn away from him. "For what?" she asked.

Derek sighed and leaned against the door. "Mer, I didn't mean what I said."

Meredith looked down at the floor, trying to forget the harshness of Derek's voice as he said those words to her. "How do I know that?" she asked quietly.

He looked her straight in the eyes. "I love you, Mer," Derek said.

"Why would you say that?" Meredith asked him brokenly. "If you love me, how could you say that?"

"Mer, I didn't mean it. I was angry and I said things," Derek paused and walked towards Meredith, taking her hands in his and hoping she wouldn't pull away. "I didn't mean it," he repeated.

Meredith looked up at him, seeing him clearly for the first time. Although showered and clean shaven, his red eyes and dark circles under his eyes didn't go unnoticed. Meredith sighed and placed her hands on Derek's shoulders and rested her forehead on his. "I'm sorry," Derek whispered to her again. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close into him, burying his nose in her hair.

"Just forget it," she replied eventually.

"Mer, we can make this work," Derek said softly to her, squeezing her hands.

Meredith looked at Derek and sighed. "I want to make this work," she said. "I want you to be chief. This is your dream, Derek. I want this for you."

Derek smiled slightly. "I know," he said. He paused, touching on a different topic. "If you don't want to be Head of Neuro, I can find someone else," he said. "But I didn't choose you because you're my wife. You're the best for this job, Mer."

Meredith smiled and tilted her head to the side. "Thanks," she said, feeling her cheeks heat up. "I want the job, Derek," she said eventually. "But I don't want my childhood for Cass and Nate."

Derek sighed and nodded. "I know. But if it gets to be too much, I'll figure something out. Mark's been eyeing Chief of Surgery since he moved here," Derek said.

"You shouldn't do that," Meredith said quietly. "You want this."

Derek shook his head. "It's not as important as you, Cass and Nate," he replied.

"We can just…try it," Meredith said slowly, trying out her words. "For a couple weeks. Take it slow," she said with a smile.

Derek's pager buzzed and he sighed, leaning in and kissing Meredith quickly. "We'll take it slow," he agreed, flashing his trademark smirk as he left.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Meredith breathed in deeply and counted to ten, prepared to throw the tangled Christmas lights across the room.

"I can help, Mommy," Cass said, sitting down beside Meredith.

Meredith sighed and looked at the clock, not needing to see the time to know that Derek was over two hours late.

"Just let Mommy untangle the lights first," Meredith said, her voice short.

Cass immediately took her hands off the lights and crossed her legs in front of Meredith. "Where's Daddy?" she asked softly.

Meredith sighed and counted again. "I really don't know, sweetheart," she answered.

"But you said we'd all decorate the tree!" Cass complained, her voice rising.

"I know, Cass," Meredith said tiredly. "I'm sorry. Daddy should be home soon."

Cass crossed her arms and Meredith knew she was on the verge of tears. "Daddy's never home," she muttered.

"Yeah," Nate agreed, stumbling over to Cass's side.

Meredith froze, unable to answer her children. They sat in silence as Meredith untangled the lights. She tried to stop her hands from shaking, noting the irony at the fact that this was one of the rare times her hands shook.

"You guys want to hang up the lights?" Meredith asked, trying to sound as enthusiastic as possible.

Cass shook her head defiantly. "I want to wait for Daddy," she said stubbornly. Meredith watched Hershey trot over to Cass, and sit down by her side. Cass hugged Hershey close, patting his fur lovingly.

"I'll call Daddy," Meredith said tiredly. She stood up and fished her phone out of her pocket, moving swiftly into the kitchen to dial. His phone immediately went to voice mail and Meredith ended the call angrily.

She dialled Mark's number next and listened to the dial tone twice. "Grey!" Mark said happily as he answered the phone.

Meredith sighed and felt slightly embarrassed for calling Mark. "Have you seen Derek?" she asked softly, biting her lip.

Mark laughed loudly. "Aw, you can't find your husband?" Mark asked teasingly.

Meredith groaned. "Mark!" she exclaimed loudly. She looked around to make sure that Cass and Nate weren't listening. "Do you know where he is?" she asked.

He laughed again. "Hey, chief!" Meredith heard Mark call on the other line. She heard Derek's muffled voice and the familiar excuse of how busy he was. "It's the wife," she heard Mark mutter before Derek's voice came on the line.

"What?" he asked, his voice short.

"Where are you?" Meredith snapped into the phone, trying to keep her voice down.

"Mer, there was a six car pile up on the highway," he said, speaking partially to Mark about a head trauma in OR 2. "I can't come home right now."

"No!" Meredith yelled suddenly, not caring if Cass and Nate heard her. "You have a son and daughter waiting at home for you." She was pleased when she heard no response on the other line. "You promised them!" she said loudly.

Derek sighed. "Please, Mer, please talk to them for me," he said quickly. "I'll be home later tonight."

Meredith shook her head, knowing she wasn't winning her fight. "Derek, don't-" she heard the dial tone next and looked at her phone incredulously as she ended the call.

"Daddy's not coming home," Cass stated, holding Nathan's hand in the doorway of the kitchen.

Meredith turned to Cass and Nate sadly and shook her head. "No," she said. "But we can still string the lights." Meredith said, attempting to sound as excited as possible.

Cass sighed. "Okay," she said.

Nate looked at her angrily. "No!" he exclaimed, snatching his hand out of Cass's.

Cass took Nate's hand back in hers with a look that didn't escape Meredith's. "Yes," she said with finality, a voice much to mature for her six years.

Meredith sighed. "It can still be fun," she said.

Cass nodded and followed Meredith out to the tree, sitting down in front of it. Hershey rested himself in Cass's lap and Cass held him to her protectively.

"Do you want to help?" Meredith asked, holding up the string of lights. Cass shook her head no.

Meredith sighed and looked to Nathan. "What about you, buddy?" she asked. "Do you want to help Mommy?"

Nate shook his head just like Cass did and sat down beside his sister. "Okay," Meredith said slowly, trying not to sound hurt. "I'll just do them by myself."

She looked at the lights in her hands and realized that after years of Christmases she still didn't know how to string the lights. Meredith hung the lights on the lower branches and began walking around the tree, draping the lights over the branches.

"No Mommy," Cass interjected, laughing slightly. Meredith stopped and looked at Cass, her eyebrows raised. "Daddy does it in parts," she said, pointing to the tree.

Meredith narrowed her eyes and looked back at her lighting work, completely confused as to what Cass was talking about. She whipped the lights off in frustration. "Are you sure you don't want to help?" Meredith asked, hoping that her daughter would see how much trouble she was having.

Cass stood up without a word and took part of the string of lights from her mother's hands. Meredith watched, awestruck as Cass wound the lights easily around a section of branches. "Like that," she said, shrugging her shoulders. Meredith looked at the section of lights and suddenly understood what Cass meant by parts.

"Oh," she responded, trying to mimic her daughter's actions. Cass laughed sadly and grabbed another strand of lights, draping them over the branches twice as fast as Meredith.

They worked in almost complete silence, Cass and Nathan only answering Meredith's questions with one or two word answers. "Can we leave some for Daddy?" Cass asked, holding the remaining three strings of lights.

Meredith sighed and looked at the almost decorated tree. Just one year ago, they had all sat near the fireplace with hot chocolate and told old, cheesy Christmas stories and although it had been late at night, they had all been together. "Sure," Meredith answered, although she was sure that she would be the one stringing the lights eventually.

Meredith looked at the tree somewhat proudly but sadly and turned to Cass and Nate. "Anyone want to make cookies?" she asked, trying to sound as enthusiastic as possible. She instantly regretted her question, afraid for the well being of their lives and their house if she were to attempt working the complicated oven.

Cass and Nate shook their heads in unison, slowly. "No, thanks," Cass said softly.

"Well," Meredith started, looking around the living room for more ideas to keep them entertained. "Do you want to draw? We can make Christmas pictures," she suggested.

"We watches Disney," Nate said finally.

Meredith sighed. "Are you sure?" she asked. "We could do something-"

"We watches Disney!" Nate said again more forcefully. Meredith looked to Cass who simply nodded along.

"Okay," Meredith agreed quietly, reaching for the remote and turning on the television. She looked at Cass and Nathan sitting on the floor together staring blankly at the characters dancing happily around in the Christmas spirit. Meredith sighed, feeling instantly useless as she thought about the Christmas her children had expected and the one they were receiving.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Meredith looked at her watch the minute she heard the front door slam. She sat staring at the blinking white lights on the tree in front of her, waiting for Derek to meet her in the living room.

"Oh, good you're up," Derek said as he threw his jacket over the armchair and leaned against the wall. "I need to talk to you about something."

Meredith froze as she heard his words, afraid of what this discussion would lead to.

"Okay," she said shakily, the words of anger that she had been preparing that whole night immediately leaving her head.

"I need to go to New York," he started, crossing his arms.

Meredith stood up, instantly angry. "What?" she asked.

"There's this patient and he has an inoperable tumor, but I think I can really get this," Derek explained, the excitement in his voice shining through. "It's rare, but I think with a couple adjustments I could get this to work."

"How long?" Meredith asked tersely.

"What?"

"How long will you be gone for?" she asked again, her voice rising.

"A week," he said quietly.

Meredith's eyes widened as she did the math mentally in her head. "No," she said, her voice edged with finality.

"No?" Derek asked.

"No. You're not doing this to them again, not on Christmas," Meredith said harshly.

Derek looked at her, completely confused.

"They're not happy, Derek!" she yelled. "Cass and Nate haven't been happy since you've been chief!"

"It's just Christmas, Meredith!" he shouted back. "It'll be better after the holidays."

"It's not just Christmas!" she returned. "If it's not Christmas, then it's some surgery on the other side of the country, and if it's not that, then it's something else!"

Meredith paused and breathed in sharply, glad that Derek looked slightly guilty. "I don't want to keep doing this with you, Derek," she said, her voice calm and contained again. "And I don't want Cass and Nate to have to go through what I did."

Derek sighed and closed his eyes, leaning his head against the wall. "What do you want me to do?" he asked tiredly.

Meredith sighed sadly and frowned. "I can't answer that for you," she said quietly.

"What do you want from me, Meredith?" he asked.

Meredith breathed in deeply. "I want you to want to be here," she said eventually.

Derek looked at her, analyzing her words slowly.

"You know what," Meredith said as she turned for the stairs, all the fight leaving her. "Go to New York."

Derek sighed and pushed himself off the wall. "Meredith," he began, following behind her to the stairs.

Meredith turned on him jadedly and shook her head. "Don't," she said.

She threw the blankets back from their bed and climbed in, closing her eyes and feigning sleep. Meredith listened closely for sounds downstairs and became completely still as she eventually heard the bedroom door open. She hated admitting it, but she found it difficult to sleep without her husband by her side, even after seven years of marriage.

Meredith wanted desperately to turn him and pull his arm around her like she normally did, but couldn't bring herself to. "I'm leaving in the morning," Derek said quietly.

Meredith could feel the tension in room, only broken by the sounds of their light breathing. She thought about what to say; if she should ask him to stay or get angry all over again. "Fine," she said eventually, turning away from him, moving as close as she could to the edge of the bed without falling off.

"Fine," he echoed, doing the same. Meredith looked at the raindrops sliding down the windowpane, reminding her of tears. She wasn't a Christmas person, she didn't know how they were done besides from what Derek had taught her. She didn't know how to wake up on Christmas morning and make pancakes and hot chocolate and she was sure that she would forget to get rid of the milk and cookies that Cass and Nate would leave out.

"Derek," she whispered as she turned back over to face him. Meredith watched the even rise and fall of her husband's body and knew he was asleep. "Derek," she said again, louder.

He didn't respond and Meredith looked to the ceiling biting her lip. She wanted him to stay but she didn't want him to regret staying either.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Meredith tried her best to keep her emotions in check as she placed the carton of milk in front of Cass.

"Daddy homes today?" Nate asked from his high chair, mixing his Cheerios with his hands.

"Daddy is..." Meredith began, taking Nate's hands out of his cereal and picking the pieces off his hands. She saw Derek coming down the stairs with his suitcase and sighed. "Daddy will tell you," she said simply, looking to Derek.

Nate immediately clapped his hands. "Daddy!" he exclaimed, reaching his hands towards his father.

Derek smiled slightly and lifted Nathan into his arms. "Hey buddy," he said kissing Nate's cheek. Cass turned to him expectantly and he leaned down and kissed her quickly. "Morning, Princess," he greeted.

"Daddy hungs lights!" Nate said, pointing towards the living room. Meredith instantly remembered the strings of lights that Cass had left for Derek and reminded herself to string them later that day.

"I can't buddy," Derek said. "Daddy has to go to New York."

Cass turned sharply and narrowed her eyes. "What?" she asked.

"Daddy has to go to New York for a really big surgery," he said, trying to explain to Cass.

She shook her head at him. "Are you gonna be home for Christmas?" she asked softly.

Derek looked to Meredith who simply shrugged. "No, Princess," he answered eventually. "But I'll be home two days after Christmas," he promised.

Cass let her spoon drop and she pushed out her chair violently, letting it topple over. "You're never home anymore!" she screamed angrily as she ran up the stairs and slammed the door to her room.

Meredith looked at Nate sadly, knowing he was about to cry too. "Just go, Derek," she said quietly to him, shifting Nate into her arms and patting his back soothingly.

"Meredith, please-"

"Go!" she said forcefully, hugging Nate closer to her. She could feel her son's tears drip down the back of her tee shirt.

Derek looked at her and shook his head. "Fine," he said turning for the door. He paused and turned back, trying to hold her gaze. "I love you," he said softly.

Meredith processed his words quickly and tried to get her response out of her mouth. She looked down at the ground, unable to look her husband in the eyes. "Go, Derek," she said eventually. "Just go."

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"Hey," Meredith said tiredly as she slipped her scrub top over her shirt.

Izzie raised her eyebrows at her and took a sip from her travel mug. "What's up with you?" she asked, not bothering to return Meredith's greeting.

Meredith sighed and pulled her hair back from her face. "Derek left. As in for New York. For some surgery," she said, emphasizing her point by breaking up her sentences. "And now I'm alone with Cass and Nate on Christmas, which is not my thing and I have to make this good for them."

Meredith waited for a reaction from Izzie, but she simply stood looking at Meredith and nodding slowly, taking occasional sips from her cup. "So?" she asked eventually.

Meredith stood up furiously. "So?" she responded loudly, placing her hands on her hips. "He left me alone on Christmas," she said. "He's been doing this ever since he got chief."

"Yeah but, Mer, you kind of knew this was going to happen," she said.

"What?" Meredith asked.

"I mean he's chief. He's the Chief of Surgery. He's going to be busy from time to time."

"You're defending him?" Meredith asked angrily.

Izzie sighed. "I'm not. I'm just saying that he's the chief. And it's the holidays. And he's a neurosurgeon," she shrugged and sat on the bench. "Cut him some slack."

Meredith sat down beside Izzie, leaning against the wall. "He told me he loved me," she began, looking straight ahead. "Which isn't weird usually, but I can't remember the last time he said it to me."

Izzie looked at her with raised eyebrows waiting for the rest of the story. "I just couldn't say it back," Meredith said.

Izzie scoffed slightly into her cup. "What?" Meredith asked.

"Nothing. It's just that you're that couple who always says I love you to each other and holds hands in the hallway." Izzie paused, looking over to Meredith. "You're the couple that everyone wants to be."

Meredith sighed, but suddenly began imagining all the most horrific scenarios. A plane crash in the dead of night, a mugging gone wrong, car crashes. She would never have the chance to say I love you again if any of that happened. Meredith stood up quickly, grabbing her charts and walking towards the door. "I have to go," she said to Izzie, looking at her strangely. "I have to call him."

Meredith heard Izzie's light laugh as she ran out of the room, heading for an empty on call room. She fumbled with the numbers and considered sending an email before quickly pressing the send button.

She bit her lip nervously as the phone rang and sighed when it when to voicemail. Meredith smiled when she heard her husband's voice. "Hey," she said shakily into the phone, pacing around the room. She rarely left messages for Derek and was suddenly unsure of how to do one. "It's me. Derek, call me when you get this. I need to talk to you."

Meredith paused, feeling slightly uncomfortable talking to a machine. "I love you," she said quietly. "So call me when you get this. Because we have to talk and I don't want to do it over a machine."

She ended the call and breathed out shakily, sliding down to the ground.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"Mommy?" Cass asked, stretching out in her bed and leaning against her pillow.

Meredith turned to her with a smile. "What's up, baby girl?" she asked, tucking a strand of Cass's hair behind her ear.

"Mommy, why isn't Daddy coming home for Christmas?" she asked softly. "Did I do something bad?"

Meredith immediately moved next to Cass and pulled her into her arms. "No, sweetheart, you did nothing. You've been so good this year," Meredith said. "Daddy's just working really hard."

Cass looked away from Meredith. "Daddy's always working really hard," she murmured.

Meredith sighed and looked at Cass sadly. "I know," she said. "But you know what?" She waited for Cass to look at her and mustered her best smile. "It's Christmas tomorrow! And Santa's coming tonight to bring you lots of presents."

Cass's smile slowly grew as she thought of the prospect of Santa. "Really?" she asked.

Meredith smiled, something that felt so foreign to her. "Really," she answered. "So you better get to sleep otherwise Santa is only going to bring presents for Nate."

Cass immediately pulled her covers over her head and shut her eyes tightly. "I'm sleeping," she said, her voice muffled through the blankets.

Meredith laughed and pulled the blankets down. "Goodnight, sweetheart," she said as she kissed Cass's forehead. "Love you lots."

"Love you, Mommy," Cass mumbled as Meredith shut off the lights.

Meredith walked down the hallway quietly, not wanting to wake Cass and Nate. She walked into her room and to the closet door, knowing that Derek had hid the 'Santa' presents for Cass and Nate on the shelves they couldn't reach. She stood on her tiptoes to reach for the presents, overwhelmed by the scent that was so uniquely Derek. Meredith tried not to think about the fact that he hadn't answered her call in over three days.

Meredith tiptoed downstairs quietly with the presents in her arms and set them neatly around the tree. She stood back and sadly admired her work, noting that although she had tried the best to re-create the beautiful tree Derek decorated every year, hers fell short.

She considered calling Derek again, but looked at the time on her phone and opted against it and instead took the cookies and milk to the kitchen and put them away. Meredith walked up the stairs slowly and climbed into bed, completely exhausted. She closed her eyes and turned towards Derek's side of the bed, grasping his pillow in her arms and she knew that like the night before and the night before that, she wouldn't be able to sleep.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Meredith watched the raindrops trickle down the windowpane and sighed. She felt her eyelids close, but she couldn't sleep. She hated admitting it, but she missed the way Derek held her when they slept, his arms providing her a warmth no blankets could. She missed waking up to him and kissing goodnight. She sighed again and suddenly wished she had told him all of that the morning he left instead of demanding that he leave the house.

Her eyes immediately opened when headlights swung around and glared through the window. Meredith noted the direction they came from and knew they didn't come from the road they normally took home but through the path from the water.

4:47. Meredith felt her heart beat faster as she realized the time. It would even be beneath Mark to show up this early in the morning, especially in the rain. She got out of bed quickly, pulling one of Derek's sweatshirts over her head and closed the door. As she walked quickly down the hallway closing both Cass and Nate's doors completely, she suddenly wondered why they ever thought it was a smart idea to live in the middle of nowhere. Even if she called the police, there was a good chance that if someone wanted to kill them, they would have no trouble doing so and fleeing even before enforcements arrived.

Meredith walked towards the front door, her heart beating faster with every step she took. She wasn't sure what she would do if she ever came face to face with someone who wanted to kill her. She wondered if she should put her fists up like Izzie had shown her one drunken night a long time ago when she had insisted every girl should know the basics of a good punch. Meredith went over the guidelines in her head frantically as she heard the thunder rumble outside.

Meredith stifled a scream as she heard the kitchen door close softly. Horrified, she realized that she had forgotten to lock it, a habit that resulted from keeping that door unlocked so that Cass and Nathan could access the backyard easily from the kitchen. She wondered briefly where Hershey was throughout all this.

She followed the stranger's footsteps towards the stairs and wondered if she should run back to the kitchen for a knife but decided against it, just in case it really was Mark playing a sick and twisted joke. As he turned towards the foyer by the stairs, Meredith instantly took off running towards the stranger, deciding the best plan of attack was to tackle him and get rid of whatever weapons he possessed.

As her body collided with his and they collapsed onto the floor, Meredith knew instantly that no one was coming to do away with her.

"Meredith, are you insane? What was that for?"

Meredith stood up in disbelief and embarrassment, wishing she had gotten a closer look at the intruder before displaying her arsenal of Thanksgiving football skills. "I thought you were a killer," Meredith said stupidly as she helped him up.

Derek turned on the lights behind him and rolled his wrist, wincing. "Would a killer really have the keys to the kitchen door?" Derek asked sarcastically. Meredith suddenly felt her cheeks heat up as she realized she did in fact lock the door after she had put away the milk and cookies.

She looked at Derek for the first time since he had arrived home. His hair was dripping with rainwater and his eyes were paired with dark circles underneath. She didn't even want to imagine how long he had travelled for to make it home on time for Christmas. She exhaled slowly and launched herself at him, hugging onto him tightly. Meredith felt Derek's arms come around her waist and pull her to him tightly and that warmth that she had so missed spread throughout her body.

"You're not mad?" Derek whispered, scooping her hair away from her face.

Meredith relaxed her hold on him and shook her head against his shoulder. "I love you," she murmured in return.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Meredith's eyes opened as she heard Cass's shouts come from the hallway exclaiming Christmas morning to her family.

She smiled to herself as Derek groaned and pulled her into him, burying his face into her hair. Meredith giggled and allowed herself to relax in Derek's embrace, shocked when she realized she couldn't remember the last time that they had woken up this way.

"I miss this," Meredith said to him softly.

"Mmm," Derek agreed, closing his eyes. "I actually need to talk to you," he said suddenly.

Meredith turned to face him, her eyes closed as well. "About?"

Cass's shrieks for Meredith and Nate interrupted and Meredith sighed and rolled out of bed, wincing as her feet hit the cold wood floors. "Come down later," Meredith suggested, pulling the sweatshirt sleeves over her hands. "They don't know you're home yet."

Derek laughed softly as he got out of bed, grabbing his bathrobe draped over one of the chairs. "The house is freezing," he commented as Meredith smiled at him and closed the door.

Meredith nodded knowingly as she saw Cass and Nate's doors thrown wide open. She walked down the stairs quickly, the delighted squeals growing louder and louder with each step. "You didn't wait for me?" Meredith asked in mock offence as she sat with them on the floor and turned on the electric fireplace. During mornings like these, she was glad that Derek insisted they have one.

Cass shook her head no, completely concentrated on unwrapping one of her Barbies from its packaging.

"Mommy, look!" Nate said excitedly, crawling onto Meredith's lap, holding up a model of a race car. "Santa brings me car!"

Meredith smiled and silently thanked George for the idea. "Let me see," Meredith said, humouring Nate. He held up the car right in front of Meredith, swinging it back and forth. "That's very cool Nate!" Meredith said, kissing her son's cheek. "Did Santa bring you anything else?"

Nate climbed off Meredith's lap and back into the pile of ripped wrapping paper. "What about you, sweetheart?" Meredith asked, looking at Cass. "What did Santa bring you?"

Cass gestured to the books and dolls spread in front of her as she clutched a large Crayola crayon and paint set to herself. "Santa gave me all of this," Cass said in excitement and wonderment as she looked at her treasures on the floor.

Meredith examined them slowly, nodding in appreciation. "Santa brought you a lot of presents," Meredith remarked.

Cass nodded. "I know," she agreed.

"You must have been really good this year."

"I was," she said. Meredith stifled a laugh and brushed some of Cass's hair away from her face.

"What's for breakfast?" Cass asked as she reached for another present from the pile. Meredith distinguished it as one of Izzie's and knew straight away it was designer couture.

"Uh," Meredith said, unsure of how to answer. "There's cereal."

Cass made a face. "Again?" she asked.

"Or we could make pancakes," Derek said casually as he walked down the stairs into the living room.

Cass shrieked instantly and threw the present she was working on to the ground and jumped up, running towards Derek. He smiled as Cass ran towards him and swung her into his arms, hugging her tightly. "I love you, Princess," Meredith heard Derek whisper to Cass as she squeezed him.

Meredith smiled as Nate got to his feet, stumbling as he attempted to run to Derek. "Hey!" Derek said as he knelt to Nate's height, sitting Cass on one knee and pulling Nate onto the other. "I missed you, buddy."

Nate nodded and stuck his thumb inside his mouth, a habit that Meredith knew he did when he didn't want to speak. With his available arm, Nate hugged Derek tentatively, looking away from Meredith.

Derek smiled as he hugged both Nate and Cass close to him, grateful that he had made it home on time for Christmas. Meredith crossed her arms and tilted her head to the side, perfectly content with watching the scene her family created.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Meredith and Derek carried Cass and Nate up the stairs to their rooms that night, both of them exhausted from trying to stay up as late as their parents and their aunts and uncles at Christmas dinner.

Derek carried Cass to her room and expertly pulled down her blankets with one hand as he placed her lightly under them. He watched her gentle breathing and realized that the years of carrying Cass to her bed as she fell asleep in the car were slowly coming to their end. He knelt by her bedside, tucking some of her hair behind her ear and noticed the dark strands of brown mixed in with the blonde in her hair.

"Daddy?" Cass whispered, her syllables slurring together.

"What's up, Princess?" Derek asked softly.

Cass shifted and turned her head away from him, towards her window. "Daddy, don't go away again," she mumbled.

Derek stood, completely taken aback by his daughter's words. He kissed her forehead and whispered goodnight to her, making sure that he left her door ajar.

"Hey," Meredith said as she walked out of the bathroom brushing her hair. "Is Cass asleep?"

Derek nodded and closed the door quietly. Meredith narrowed her eyes at him. "Are you okay?" she asked.

Derek nodded again. "Yeah, I'm fine," he said, slipping his dinner jacket off his shoulders and draping it over a chair. "It's just…" his voice trailed off and Meredith raised her eyebrows.

"Derek," Meredith said again, "What's wrong?"

Derek shook his head as he put on his tee shirt and sat down on his side of the bed. "I gave chief to Mark," Derek said suddenly, turning to face Meredith.

Meredith froze, her eyes and her heart barely moving. "You did what?" she asked eventually.

"Well, not completely," Derek said, walking over to her, afraid that she might collapse. "He'll be working with me, so it's more like we're both going to be chief." He paused, trying to find the right words. "Co-chiefs," Derek said.

Meredith shook her head, trying to process the information. "What?" she said again, the only words that she could come up with.

Derek sighed. "Mer, it's not a big deal. I'm still chief. Mark's just…helping me."

Meredith breathed in deeply and worked the information through her head. "When were you going to tell me?" she asked.

"This morning," Derek said immediately. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about. But I didn't want it to ruin Christmas. I wanted this day to be perfect for you and Cass and Nate."

Meredith looked at him, still shaking her head. "You're unbelievable," she said eventually with a smile, walking over to hug him.

Derek breathed a sigh of relief as she hugged him tightly. "Are you sure?" she asked him softly. "Derek, this is your dream."

Derek smiled and nodded. "I want to be chief, I do," he began as Meredith released her embrace and let her arms wrap over his shoulders. "But this is more important to me than anything else. Being here for birthdays and Christmases and everything in between. The rest doesn't matter so much."

Meredith sighed and tilted her head, her eyes still locked with his. "And I'm still chief," Derek said cockily. "So I still get to boss you around anyhow."

Meredith laughed and hugged him again. "Thank you," she whispered to him.

Derek pulled back, holding her gaze intensely for a few moments before kissing her. "I love you," he said to her, pulling her as close to him as possible.

"I love you, too," Meredith whispered as Derek covered her mouth with his again, their desire and passion both evident. As Derek eased Meredith gently on their bed and undid her jeans button, Meredith realized happily that she couldn't have wished for a more perfect Christmas.

**A/N- I had to put in the fluff. It's Christmas after all. So sorry for the wait, but I hope I didn't disappoint or lose any readers! Please review if you have something you'd like to say, good or bad. I really do appreciate what you have to say. And the more reviews, the faster I write….**

**Thanks so much, and I hope to have the next chapter up soon!**


	8. Graveyard Shift, Seven

**Disclaimer- I wish**

**A/N- It's been too long, I'm so sorry! School's been driving me insane, but it's no excuse. Thank you so much for the reviews and support from everyone; it means so much to me. So, here it is, the next chapter! Just a quick recap: Cass is seven years old, Nate is three. I hope you enjoy and sorry again for the wait!**

Derek smirked as he ran up behind Meredith and slipped his hand into hers. "Hey," he said, turning her to face him, kissing her quickly.

Meredith smiled and squeezed his hand. "Hey, Chief," she whispered into his ear.

Derek laughed and kissed her again. "You don't have to call me that," he teased back to her nipping her earlobe gently.

Meredith shrugged. "I know," she said. Meredith took a fleeting look around the hallway and moved in closer to Derek, fisting her hands in his lab coat. He held her gaze, threading his hands through her hair. She waited for him to kiss her and when he didn't, Meredith went on her toes and kissed him deeply.

"God, I can't believe Cass and Nate aren't scarred for life," Izzie said sarcastically, bouncing her daughter on her hip. Meredith pushed Derek away from her and heard him clear his throat uncomfortably at her side.

Meredith smirked. "Hey, Iz," she said as she tickled Samantha's stomach, earning a loud laugh and wriggling.

Izzie sighed and tightened her grip on Sam. "Sweetheart, stop moving," she said.

Meredith let her hand fall to her side and she felt Derek's subconsciously intertwine with hers. "So anyway," she said, giving a pointed look at Derek. "Alex and I are having a Halloween party tomorrow."

Meredith laughed instantly. "Alex and I?" she questioned.

Izzie rolled her eyes. "Fine, just me," she said. "But Alex will be there. Babysitting." She shook her head and pulled down Sam's top. "You should all come," she suggested.

Meredith looked at Derek who shrugged, telling her wordlessly it was up to her. "We're not dressing up," she answered for both of them.

Derek laughed and Izzie sighed. "Fine," she said, running off quickly to chase her next target down the hallway. Derek turned to Meredith with a smile. "You should dress up," he suggested quietly as they walked down the hallway. "Wear something sexy."

Meredith nudged him slightly and felt the blood rise to her cheeks. "Seriously?" she asked.

Derek smirked. "Seriously," he said. "Sexy cowgirl or something. Plus you have those boots in the closet you never wear."

She nudged him again. "Derek," she warned, looking around to see if anyone is listening.

Derek laughed as he led her into his office and locked the door. "I'm kidding," he said. He gently pushed her against the door, capturing her lips in a kiss.

"What are you doing?" she said softly between kisses.

He smiled and kissed her again. "Finishing what you started," he said, moving them expertly around the room to shut the blinds. "Before Izzie interrupted."

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"Cass, sweetheart, did you do anything in school today for Halloween?" Meredith asked as she used her fork to push broccoli closer to Cass.

Cass shrugged. "Libby's mommy brought in cupcakes," she said pushing the broccoli away from her. "And we watched Charlie Brown's Halloween as well."

Derek raised his eyebrows at Cass and she grudgingly shoved the broccoli into her mouth. "We watched that movie when I was still in school," Derek told Cass.

She looked at him smugly and tilted her head to the side. "It's that old?" she asked innocently.

Derek laughed instantly extremely proud of her quick wit. "I'm not old," Derek replied.

Cass raised her eyebrows at her father and Meredith laughed at the sheer resemblance between the two. "Okay," Cass said with a shrug.

Derek smiled and turned to Nathan. "What about you buddy?" he asked. "Did you do anything in school today?"

Nate nodded enthusiastically as he shoved mashed potatoes into his mouth. "We watched Charlie Brown's Halloween too," he said.

Meredith nodded and took a sip of her water. "So," she began, her hand moving down to her stomach. Derek eyed her out of the corner of his eye and moved his arm around her shoulder. "How would you guys feel if we went to Aunt Izzie's tomorrow for a party before trick or treating?"

She watched Cass and Nate look at each other before answering. "Okay," Cass answered enthusiastically. "Is Uncle Mark going to be there?"

Derek smiled at the bond he had never really understood between his children and Mark. "I think so, Princess," he said to her.

Cass smiled widely and looked back down at her dinner. "Are we still going trick or treating tomorrow?" Nate asked.

Derek nodded. "Sure, buddy," he said. "We promised, remember?"

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"How do I look?" Cass asked dramatically as she swept into her parents room, twirling twice.

Meredith laughed and walked towards Cass, kneeling to her height. "For a witch, sweetheart, you look very pretty," Meredith said to her, folding down the tops of Cass's black ugg boots. Meredith eyed Cass's thin black dress, separating into ragged strips at the skirt and sleeves that billowed off her elbows, only covering half her forearms. "Take your black jacket," Meredith called from the bathroom, carrying her makeup bag out and dumping its contents on the bed.

"Wow," Cass said, jumping on the bed grabbing for a stick of eyeliner that rolled towards her.

Meredith sat cross legged beside Cass and carefully picked out a dark eyeliner and applied a small line under Cass's eyes, making sure she didn't get to close. "Is that okay?"

Meredith asked, raising her eyebrows. Cass nodded and jumped off the bed, making a beeline for the mirror. "Cool," Cass breathed, her eyes widening. "I want more."

Meredith laughed and picked out a silvery eye shadow next, one she never wore but kept for occasions such as this. "What's that?" Cass asked through her closed eyes.

"This," Meredith said, concentrating hard on applying the powder perfectly, "is called eyeliner. And mommy hates wearing it, but it looks good on you," she said slowly, brushing the powder over and blowing gently. "Go and look."

She watched Cass's smile break over her reflection in the mirror. Cass ran back over to the bed and grabbed more items. "I want to use all of them!" she said enthusiastically.

Meredith smiled. "I think that's too much, baby girl," she said. She picked up a light lip gloss and showed Cass. "Just one more," she compromised.

Cass pouted in jest. "Okay," she said.

Meredith silently applied the lip gloss, looking at Cass's blue eyes. "Sweetheart," Meredith began, closing the lip gloss tube and placing all the items back in the bag. "How would you feel about having a brother or sister?" she asked.

Cass narrowed her eyes and looked at Meredith. "Nate's my brother already," she said, confusion in her voice.

Meredith bit her lip. "I mean another brother or sister," she said slowly.

Meredith felt the understanding settle in the room as Cass connected.

"Hey, Mer," Derek called from downstairs. "Mer!"

Meredith sighed and got up from the bed. "What?" she called back, looking at Cass sitting like stone on the bed.

"Have you seen my black jacket?" Derek asked.

Meredith groaned and leaned against the door frame. "Check the banister," she yelled back.

Cass shook her head. "It's in Daddy's office," she said quietly. "On the couch."

Meredith breathed a sigh of relief, grateful that Cass hadn't lost her power of speech. "Derek!" she yelled back. "It's in your office on the couch."

She waited until she heard Derek call back that he had found it before closing the door.

"Cass?" Meredith said, sitting back on the bed. "Cass, sweetheart, are you okay?"

Cass breathed in slowly and nodded. "Yeah," she said suddenly, lightly. "When do I get my sister?" she asked.

Meredith narrowed her eyes. "In about five months," she answered. "But, Cass, are you sure you're okay with this?"

Cass shrugged and slid off the bed. "Yeah," she said. "It's going to be cool."

Meredith nodded, slowly. "Okay," she said out loud, partly to herself and partly to Cass.

Cass walked out of the room and grabbed her black coat, slipping it over her dress. "Let's go, Mommy!' she said enthusiastically. Meredith shook her head and switched off the lights to the bathroom and the room, surprised by Cass's reaction.

Derek smiled as Cass sped down the stairs and stood in front of him, waiting for his approval. "You're too pretty to be a witch, Princess," Derek said, brushing some of Cass's hair away from her eyes.

Cass rolled her eyes and tilted her head to the side. "I know," she sighed dramatically.

"She's got your ego, Derek," Meredith muttered to him before looking over to her son.

She laughed when she saw Nate decked in full Yankees regalia. "You look very handsome, buddy," she told him as she straightened his hat before he and Cass ran out the door.

"Thanks, Mommy!" he called as he raced Cass to the car, followed by the argument of who won.

She smiled and took Derek's hand as he closed the door behind them. "I told Cass," she said as they walked slowly to the car.

Derek nodded in thought and looked at her. "How'd she take it?" he asked.

Meredith shrugged and leaned her head on Derek's shoulder. "Surprisingly well," she said. "I don't think she's going to run away this time."

Derek laughed gently and turned to face her. Meredith raised her eyebrows at him and fixed the lapel of his jacket. "We should talk to Nate soon," he said, pulling open the door for her.

"We should," she agreed.

Meredith listened to Cass and Nate's excitement as they talked about what candy they hoped to get from trick or treating that night.

"Mommy, tell me a Halloween story," Cass asked suddenly when Derek turned onto the main road.

Meredith frowned and shifted in her seat. "Mommy's aren't that interesting, sweetheart," she said, crossing her legs.

Cass shrugged. "Daddy, can you tell me a story?" she asked.

"Hm," Derek said, thinking. "Okay. So, when Uncle Mark was younger, he really liked to pull pranks on people," Derek explained. "Especially on Halloween, he would scare your aunts and grandma all the time."

"And you," Meredith added in softly with a smile.

Derek rolled his eyes. "Yeah," he corrected. "And me too."

Cass and Nathan laughed loudly in the backseat. "Anyhow, there was one Halloween, we were about eight, when I decided to scare Uncle Mark."

Nate kicked his feet against the seat. "How?" he asked excitedly.

"Well, Uncle Mark was coming to Grandma's house for dinner and Grandma and your aunts had gone out for a bit. So I switched off all the lights, took Aunt Nancy's hairspray and waited for Uncle Mark to come."

"And?" Cass encouraged.

"And when Uncle Mark came, the house was dark and completely silent. I waited for him to walk by the stairs and when he did, I jumped out with my Frankenstein mask and the can of hairspray," Derek said with a laugh. "Uncle Mark screamed so loud and ran away so fast that he ran into the door, and, um, fainted."

Meredith burst out laughing, never having heard the end of the story before. "Derek, you knocked Mark out?" she asked.

Derek shrugged, smiling widely. "It was a couple of minutes," he answered.

Meredith laughed, shaking her head. "I'm going to ask Uncle Mark later," Nate announced.

Derek smiled. "Just remember that whatever Uncle Mark tells you about that night, he's probably lying."

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"Oh, thank god, you made it!" Izzie exclaimed as she bounced a crying Sam on her hip. "Stop crying," she muttered to Sam.

Meredith smiled and reached out to shift Sam into her arms, bouncing her and patting her back. Cass smiled slyly at Meredith before following Nate into the house.

"What was I doing wrong?" Izzie asked as Sam's cries silenced.

Derek shrugged. "It's just the way you hold them sometimes," he said, placing his hand on Meredith's back.

Izzie rolled her eyes. "Great," she started, groaning. "Now she doesn't like the way I hold her."

Meredith sighed and handed Sam back to Izzie who gripped onto her mother tightly, resting her head on her shoulder. "See," Meredith said with a smile, smoothing down Sam's blonde hair.

"I see Mark and I think he's corrupting Cass," Derek whispered into Meredith's ear. Meredith giggled as Derek kissed her cheek and walked towards Mark.

Izzie and Meredith both smiled as they saw Cristina saunter up to them, sloshing her drink in her cup. "Mer, you made it!" she called drunkenly.

Meredith frowned. "It's five thirty, Cristina, and you're already drunk."

Cristina looked at her watch and did a double take as she noticed the time, and then she shrugged. "Let's get drunk!" Cristina said, pulling Meredith with her to the array of drinks.

"Here," Cristina said, pouring a generous amount of tequila in a plastic cup.

Meredith shook her head, the strong smell instantly repelling her. "I have to drive later," she lied, backing away from Cristina.

Cristina shrugged, handing the cup back to her. "Get Derek to drive."

Meredith looked to Derek quickly. "He's already drinking," she replied when she saw Derek holding a beer bottle.

Cristina scrutinized Meredith closely before downing the tequila. "You're missing out," she said, burping and walking away.

Meredith sighed and walked over to Derek, slipping her hand in his. "You okay?" Derek asked her quietly, handing her a glass of water.

Meredith nodded and took the cup gratefully. "We should probably tell people soon, Derek," she said.

Derek nodded, taking a sip of beer. "Okay," he said, squeezing her hand reassuringly. "When you feel you're ready to," he said.

Meredith took a long sip of her water and breathed in deeply. "I'll tell them tomorrow," she decided.

Derek nodded and kissed her temple quickly. "Okay," he said. "We can talk to Nate tonight."

They heard Cass's screams next and Derek narrowed his eyes. "I'll be right back," he said to Meredith, squeezing her hand once more.

He followed the sound to the television room to find Mark holding a mask, laughing loudly and Cass sitting rigid, breathing sharply. Nate looked unharmed.

"Mark, what did you do?" Derek asked, sitting next to Cass.

Mark laughed loudly and threw the mask to Derek. "I wanted to try out your Halloween prank," he said.

Derek sighed and rubbed Cass's arms. "You okay, Princess?" he asked.

Cass nodded and breathed deeply. "I'm fine," she said, reminding Derek of Meredith.

Derek laughed. "You really are your mother's daughter," Derek said quietly, standing up.

Mark smiled at him sheepishly. "I see why you enjoyed that," he said with a smile.

Derek rolled his eyes. "Don't scare them again," he said, bringing his beer bottle to his lips.

Mark laughed and followed Derek back outside. "So when were you going to tell me?" Mark asked.

Derek turned to face Mark. "Tell you what?" he asked.

"You and Grey," he said quietly with a smirk. "And the baby."

Derek shook his head with a smile and looked to Meredith, laughing with Lexie and Alex. "How did you know?" Derek asked.

Mark snorted and popped the cap off a beer. "Because you have that stupid smile on your face," Mark answered. "And you just told me."

Derek laughed, but he knew the smile that Mark was talking about. "Hey, don't tell anyone," he told Mark. "Mer will do it when she's ready."

Mark shrugged and walked towards Lexie. "Your face says it all, man."

Derek smiled and headed to Meredith, placing his hand on the small of her back. "Mark knows," he whispered to her.

Meredith's eyes widened. "You told him?" she asked.

Derek laughed. "No, he guessed. Something about a stupid smile."

Meredith giggled and kissed Derek quickly. "That's true," she said. "Izzie guessed too."

Derek didn't look surprised. "How did she know?"

Meredith shrugged and took a sip of water. "Water instead of tequila, your overattentive-ness…"

He laughed. "Sorry."

Meredith kissed him again. "It's fine," she said. "I think it's sweet."

Derek shrugged, smiling. "I try."

Cass ran up to them suddenly and grabbed onto Derek tightly. Derek smiled and rolled his eyes. "What did Uncle Mark say to you?" he asked knowingly.

"Is the headless horseman going to get me tonight?" she asked seriously.

Meredith sighed and frowned at Mark who simply winked back at her. "No, the headless horseman is not going to get you," Derek answered. "Uncle Mark is lying."

Mark smirked as he walked over with Nate on his shoulders, tugging Cass's hair. "Was I right?" he asked.

Cass looked up at him and shook her head. "Daddy says you're a liar," she answered knowledgably.

Mark shrugged. "And I'm corrupting them," he said to Derek, downing his beer and placing the bottle on the table.

Derek shook his head at Mark and took Cass's hand. "Ready to go trick or treating?" he asked.

Cass and Nathan both nodded enthusiastically. "Let's go!" Nate encouraged loudly.

Mark lifted Nate off his shoulders and set him on the floor next to Cass. "Have fun guys," he said, kissing Cass's forehead and slapping high fives with Nate. "I'll see you tomorrow."

He turned to Meredith next, a mischievous smile on his face. "Good job on getting knocked up again," he said clapping his hands together.

"Mark," Derek warned immediately, coming to Meredith's defense.

Meredith smiled. "Is that Mark Sloan for I'm happy for you?" she asked.

Mark shrugged nonchalantly. "Close enough." He hugged Meredith and clapped Derek's arm. "Congratulations," he said to them quietly.

Derek smiled at him. "Thanks, man," he said.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDM**

"Nate!" Meredith called as Nate took off down the street. "Nathan, come back here!"

They watched Nate's steps slow down and backtrack to them. "Sorry," he said with a smile.

Derek nodded in understanding. "No more running, okay buddy?" he said. Nate nodded. "You can walk with Cass and Aunt Izzie."

Meredith smiled and ruffled Nate's hair as he went to join Cass and Izzie. "So," she began, when everyone was out of earshot. "Do you want a boy or girl?"

Derek smiled at her, a smile that was reserved for specific conversations such as this one. "Mer, you know it doesn't matter to me," he said, taking her hand in his. "A girl with your eyes or a boy with your hair," he said, looking at Cass's sparkling blue eyes and Nate's dark hair. "Either one."

Meredith smiled as she looked to Cass and Nate as well.

"Mommy, mommy!" Cass said, running up to Meredith and Derek holding a candy pack. "I got Reese's Pieces!"

Derek laughed. "Those were my favorite, Princess," he said to her, kneeling down to button up Cass's coat.

Cass looked surprised. "Really?" she asked.

Derek nodded and kissed her nose. "Really," he answered.

Cass looked up to Meredith. "Mommy, what was your favorite?"

Meredith shrugged, unable to answer Cass's question. "Mommy didn't really have a favorite," she said.

"Oh," Cass said, shrugging it off. She handed the small package of Reese's Pieces to Derek telling him that he could have them before sprinting after Nate and Izzie to the next house.

Derek laughed and tore open the package, offering Meredith the first pieces.

"Did you really not have a favorite Halloween candy?" Derek asked, throwing up a candy piece in the air and catching it in his mouth.

Meredith was silent, rolling the candy piece on her fingertips. "I never really did the Halloween thing."

She could feel Derek's eyes on her as she popped the candy in her mouth. "What do you mean?" he asked eventually.

Meredith shrugged. "My mother didn't want me begging strangers for candy, so I never went. Plus, I never had a costume. And when I got older, there was Jose. It kept me company," she said, dismissing the subject.

Derek sighed and squeezed her hand. "I'm sorry," he said to her quietly.

Meredith shook her head, but smiled as she saw Cass and Nate comparing candy together and laughing over which was better. "As long as Cass and Nate know it's okay," she said.

They continued walking down the street, stopping at each decorated house. Meredith smiled each time she saw Cass and Nate's happiness as mothers holding toddlers in their arms placed a candy bar in their plastic pumpkins.

"Here," Derek said suddenly, handing her the package of Reese's Pieces. "Happy Halloween."

Meredith laughed instantly and took the bag from him with a smile. "You're corny, Dr. Shepherd," she said, moving closer to him and kissing him quickly. "Thank you," she whispered.

Derek shrugged and wrapped his arm around Meredith's waist, pulling her closer. "You're welcome, Dr. Shepherd," he replied with a smile.

Meredith split the remaining candy pieces in half and handed them to Derek. "Best Halloween ever," she whispered to him.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Derek jolted awake as he felt something tug on the back of his shirt. "Daddy," he heard Cass whisper softly.

He turned over to see Cass's eyes wide, hugging onto Jack tightly. "Cass, what's wrong?" Derek asked, blinking to try to stay awake.

"The headless horseman is going to get me," Cass said. "I saw him."

Derek did his best not to laugh and pulled himself away from Meredith. He lifted Cass onto the bed, placing her between him and Meredith. "I'll make sure that he doesn't get you, okay?" Derek said.

"Mommy's snoring really loud," Cass complained as Derek drifted off to sleep again.

Derek smiled, unwilling to admit to Meredith that after years of sleeping in the same bed, her snoring had become a comforting sound to him.

"Here," Derek said, pulling Cass into his arms and covering her ears with his hands. "Better?"

Cass nodded sleepily and held on tightly to Jack. "I love you, Daddy," she murmured sleepily.

Derek sighed and kissed the top of Cass's head. "I love you more, Princess," he said, hugging Cass tightly.

Derek felt Meredith roll over and sit up slightly. "Is she okay?" Meredith asked, concerned laced into her voice.

He nodded. "I'll tell you tomorrow," Derek said quietly. "Go back to sleep."

Meredith lay back down and stroked Cass's hair, whispering I love yous into her ear and laid her hand over Derek's forearm, her actions speaking louder than words.

For the rest of the night, Meredith and Derek made sure that Cass knew she was safe and loved, that despite a new brother or sister and the headless horseman she felt like the most important, safe and loved person on the planet.

**A/N- So that was Halloween! I hoped you liked it; hopefully it was a bit lighter than the last chapter. And I couldn't help but bring in another 'chatty Shepherd.' After all, they're going to have five! You'll see him/her in the next chapter. But I wanted to write MerDer having the 'baby' conversation, and I do hope they have it in the near future of Grey's! **

**Thanks so much for reading, and if you have anything to say, please review! They really do help with morale/writing…**


	9. Her Father's Daughter, Eight

**Disclaimer- I don't own Grey's Anatomy.**

**A/N- So I'm not sure if this could actually happen in the real world, and my guess is eh, probably not. But it makes for cute fluff, angst and drama, and I guess we can all use some of that! I think in this chapter, you will really get some insight onto Cass's character, and she's about eight here. I hope you enjoy it! I took a stab in the dark with this, so please let me know what you think.**

"Derek?" Meredith called from the kitchen. "Is that you?"

Derek smiled, draped his coat over the banister and rested his bag on the side of the stairs. "Were you waiting for someone else?" he asked, pulling her into his arms and brushing his lips against hers gently.

Meredith wrapped her arms around Derek's neck and held his gaze. "Yes," she whispered with a laugh before going on her tip toes and kissing him deeply. They were interrupted by Cass, Nate and Brett's loud laughs.

They both smiled at the sound. "I'm going to go say hi," Derek said, loosening his grip on Meredith.

She nodded with a smile. "Tell them dinner's ready," she said, taking the pizza box in her hands.

Derek took the stairs two at a jump as he followed the sound of the laughter to Nate's room. "Hey guys," Derek greeted, opening the door to the room. He was bombarded with a mess of cards, plastic toys and a cured Cavity Sam lying haphazardly on the ground. He had the urge to laugh when he saw Meredith's old Anatomy Jane scattered everywhere.

Cass and Nate looked up from the doctor's kit they were playing with briefly. "Hi, Daddy," they said simultaneously.

Derek sat on the floor next to Nate and ruffled his hair. "That's a lot of band-aids, buddy," Derek said, eyeing the lines of band-aids on his son's forearms.

Nathan shrugged. "Cass says I need them,"

Derek laughed and scooped Brett into his lap, kissing her blonde hair. "Hi munchkin," he said, trying to keep Brett from wriggling. "You don't need band-aids, right?" he asked, bouncing her on his lap.

"Oh, Daddy I almost forgot!" Cass said reaching for her sprawled bag on the floor. She pulled out a crumpled piece of paper from her bag and handed it to Derek who identified it immediately as a permission slip. "So can I?" she asked immediately.

Derek smiled as he read through the sheet. "Sure," Derek agreed pulling out a pen from his coat pocket and filling out the sheet. "So is that why you're practicing?" he asked, gesturing to the band-aids on Nate.

Cass smiled sheepishly. "Maybe," she said with a shrug.

The door opened and Hershey trotted in, taking his place between Cass and Nate. "Oh, sorry," Derek said immediately as he saw Meredith.

Meredith shrugged and sat down next to Derek. "It's fine," she said. Brett immediately reached out to her and Derek placed her on Meredith's lap.

"Mommy, guess what?" Cass asked, wrapping her plastic stethoscope around her neck just like her parents.

Meredith smiled, pretending not to see the signed permission slip on the floor. "What?" she asked.

"Daddy says I can go to work with him!" Cass said excitedly.

Brett reached up to try to tug Meredith's hair, which she avoided smoothly. "Really?" she asked, looking to Derek.

Cass nodded enthusiastically. "That's why I'm practicing," she said, showing Meredith Nate's line of band-aids.

Meredith laughed when she saw them. "Well, Dr. Cass Shepherd," she said, standing up and balancing Brett on her hip. "Why don't you go scrub in and go eat dinner?"

Cass jumped up off the floor and ran to the bathroom, turning the water on at full blast and Meredith could hear Nate yelling to her not to eat all the pizza as Cass skipped down the stairs.

Meredith caught Brett's hands just as they were about to grab her hair. Derek laughed and took Brett into his arms, letting her grab at the collar of his shirt. "Do you think it's a good idea?" Meredith asked, picking up the permission slip on the ground.

Derek looked at it and sighed. "She wants to, and she seems excited about it, but…" his voice trailed off as he shook his head.

"I don't want her seeing something she shouldn't have to at eight years old, Derek," Meredith reasoned.

"I know," Derek said. "But I don't want her to have to sit in a classroom all day while all the other students are with their parents."

Meredith read over the permission slip again and handed it to Derek. 'Okay," she said as they walked out of Nate's room down to dinner.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"I'm ready," Cass announced excitedly when she saw Derek with Brett walking down the stairs.

Derek took one look at Cass and smiled, the shirt, sweater and scuffed converse she was sporting telling him that she was trying to imitate Meredith.

"You look very smart, Princess," he commented as he placed Brett on the ground and helped her with her coat.

Nate followed down the stairs next, dragging his bag behind him. He did a double take when he saw Cass and sat on the steps to tie his shoes. "Why do you look like Mommy?" he asked eventually.

Derek tried to hide his laughter as Cass rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically. "Because I am going to work with Daddy and I need to look smart," Cass said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Brett sat next to Nate on the stairs and looked at Cass. "Cass pwetty," Brett commented generously, smiling at her sister.

Cass smiled and looked at Nate with raised eyebrows. "Brett thinks I'm pretty," she said.

"Cass, you're very pretty," Derek assured her while looking up the stairs. "Mer!" he called.

On cue, he heard the bedroom door close and saw Meredith hurrying down the stairs. "Sorry," she said, slipping her coat over her shoulders. Meredith smiled widely when she saw Cass, a miniature version of her. "You look very cute, sweetheart," Meredith said, pulling Cass's hair out of her ponytail and running her hands through it so that it mirrored hers.

They drove to the sound of Cass's voice saying how excited she was and how good she would be because she had practiced so hard.

As they pulled up to the school, Nate sighed in relief. "Bye buddy," Meredith and Derek both said, kissing him on the forehead.

Nate said goodbye to Meredith and Derek and Brett and raised his eyebrows at Cass. "Have fun," he said to his sister with as much enthusiasm as he could.

Derek laughed as he and Meredith watched him enter the school doors before pulling away.

"So, Daddy, what are we going to do first?" Cass asked as she tried to undo Brett's car seat buckles the minute Derek turned the key in the car.

Derek smiled at Cass's enthusiasm and helped her with Brett's buckles. "Well, Daddy needs to do some paperwork first," he said "And after that we'll go on rounds."

Cass nodded seriously. "Oh," she said as she pressed the button to lock the car. "What are rounds?" she asked.

"Rounds are when a doctor checks on the patients," Meredith explained to Cass as she attached her pager to the waist of her jeans. "And the doctor sees how the patients are feeling."

"Oh cool!" Cass said, taking Derek's hand as they crossed the parking lot. "Do I get to do that?"

Derek laughed and caught Cass's eyes looking up at him expectantly. "Yes, you get to do that," Derek said to her. "But you can't really say anything because Daddy could get into a lot of trouble if you do."

Cass shrugged it off. "Okay," she said.

They heard a pager next and Meredith and Derek both looked to theirs. "It's mine," Meredith said with a sigh. She kissed her daughters and husband quickly before racing into the hospital calling back to them that she would meet them for lunch at one.

Cass smiled. "I haven't seen Mommy do that in a long time," she said.

Derek laughed. "Yeah," he said simply, walking into the hospital holding Cass's hand and carrying Brett.

Cass yelped next as Mark swung her into the air and placed her on her back.

"Mark!" Derek warned as he turned to see a terrified Cass holding onto Mark for dear life.

Mark grinned and set Cass on the ground and she grabbed back onto her father's hand. "Surrounded by girls," Mark said quietly to Derek. "I thought that was my thing."

Derek laughed. "These are my ladies, Mark, not the girls you pick up," he said, pulling Cass closer to him.

Cass looked up at Mark and Derek, their conversation going way over her head. "Uncle Mark just picked me up," she said in confusion.

Derek looked slightly horrified before he shook his head. "It's not the same thing, Cass," he said.

Mark laughed loudly. "By the way, man," he said as the elevator doors opened to the day care floor. "There's a patient I could use your help with."

Derek nodded as he opened the door to the center. "Page me when you need the consult," Derek said, placing Brett on the ground. He kissed her forehead and tucked her hair behind her ears. "I love you, Brett," Derek said to her softly.

Brett took her thumb out of her mouth long enough to wave to her father, uncle and sister walking away. "Buh-bye!" she said happily.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDM**

"What's in there?" Cass asked as Derek pulled open the filing cabinet.

Derek smiled and pulled out three patient charts, and closed the cabinet. "Patient stuff," he said, sitting down on his black swivel chair.

Cass skipped towards him, looking at the notes that he was writing. "What's aneurysm?" she asked.

Derek looked at his daughter, incredulous that an eight year old could read and pronounce aneurysm. "Question is," Derek said lifting Cass to sit on his lap. "How do you know the word aneurysm?"

She shrugged it off like it was the most normal thing to know the word. "You and Mommy say it all the time," she reasoned. "And it's in those boring magazines you read."

Derek laughed as he signed off on a patient chart and closed the yellow folder. "Princess, you're too smart," Derek said.

Cass smiled happily and read over her father's notes. "So what is an aneurysm?"

Derek signed off on another patient chart. "An aneurysm is when an artery in your brain becomes really big and needs to be operated on."

Cass looked over the notes again trying to understand them. "So it's bad," she stated.

Derek nodded. "Yeah, it's bad Cass," he said, standing up and shrugging on his lab coat. Derek took his stethoscope off the coat rack and handed it to Cass, the memory of her and Nate playing with a plastic stethoscope etched in his memory. "Here," he said. "Try using a real one."

Cass shrieked and grabbed for the stethoscope, placing the ends in her ears. "Come here Daddy," she instructed.

Derek smiled and knelt in front of Cass as she spun to face him. She placed the metal plate on Derek's scrub top. "I don't hear anything," Cass said, disappointment evident in her voice.

Derek laughed and guided Cass's hand slightly to the left. "There," he said breathing in deeply.

He watched the smile spread over Cass's face as she heard the familiar sound. "That's so cool!" she breathed.

Derek nodded with a smile. "Ready to go on rounds?" he asked, standing up and offering Cass his hand.

"Yeah," she said, hopping off the seat and taking Derek's hand and handing him the stethoscope.

Derek smiled and placed it around her neck. "Keep it today," he said, holding the door open for her.

Derek could swear he saw the bounce in Cass's step as she walked with him to round.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Meredith smiled widely as she saw Derek and Cass walking down the hallway hand in hand.

"Hi Doctor Shepherd," Meredith said, straightening the stethoscope draped on Cass's neck. "How's your day going?"

"I heard Daddy's heartbeat!" she said excitedly.

Meredith laughed and handed the chart to Derek. "That's great!" she said.

Derek quickly flipped through the chart. "Okay," he said, walking into the patient's room.

"Mr. Ames," he said professionally, holding out his hand for the patient. "I'm Derek Shepherd, Chief of Surgery and this is Meredith Shepherd, head of Neurosurgery."

The patient held out his hand for Meredith and she smiled politely and shook the patient's hand.

"Married?" the patient guessed, looking between Derek and Meredith.

They smiled knowingly and nodded. "And who is this?" he asked, humoring Cass standing silently next to Derek.

Cass held out her hand like her parents. "I'm Cass Shepherd," she said with a smile. She looked up at Derek and Meredith. "I'm their daughter."

The patient laughed heartily, along with everyone else in the room. "She's smart," Mr. Ames said.

Meredith looked at Derek and raised her eyebrows. "We know," they said simultaneously. Cass looked back at them and smiled innocently, batting her eyes.

"So what are you going to do to me today?" the patient asked Meredith.

Meredith took the chart from Derek and stepped forward. "Well," she began. "I'm first going to make an opening in your skull and drill some small holes, called burr holes and this will expose a covering of the brain called the dura mater. I'll then locate the artery and the aneurysm and clip it," she said.

The patient's eyes widened and he whistled. "Sounds dangerous," he said.

Derek nodded in understanding. "All surgeries carry a certain amount of risk," Derek said. "But this is a fairly routine procedure and Dr. Shepherd is very good at her job."

Mr. Ames nodded slowly in understanding. "What do you think Miss Cass?" he asked her.

Cass smiled and stepped forward. "Daddy's right," she said seriously. "Mommy is very good at her job."

Mr. Ames laughed again. "Okay, then," he said looking to Meredith. "Let's do this thing."

"Okay," Meredith said, scrawling quickly in the chart. "Mr. Ames, I do want you to understand the risks of this surgery," she said.

He shrugged her off. "What's life without a little risk?" he asked.

Meredith smiled and nodded, stealing a glace at Derek. "Yeah," she agreed quietly. "I'll see you in the OR at three."

The doctors filed out of the room one by one as Cass waved goodbye to the patient.

Cass frowned the moment she stepped out of the room. "Sorry, Daddy," she said quietly.

Derek shook his head and pushed Cass's hair out of her eyes. "Why?" he asked.

She looked confused. "I thought I wasn't supposed to say anything," Cass said.

Derek laughed. "He asked you questions, it's okay," he told Cass. He watched his daughter breathe out a sigh of relief.

"Okay," Meredith said, pressing buttons on her pager. "I'll see you later," she said kissing Derek quickly. She brushed her lips over Cass's forehead and smiled at her. "Have fun Doctor Shepherd," she said as she walked off in the other direction.

Derek looked at Cass looking slightly overwhelmed. "Ready to round more?" he asked.

Cass simply nodded and took Derek's hand. "You can tell me if you get tired, Princess," Derek said to her.

Cass shook her head no instantly. "No, I like this!" she exclaimed instantly.

Derek nodded, sure the pride he was feeling showing through. "Okay," he agreed opening the door to the next patient's room. "Mr. Holden," he said, shifting the patient's chart to his left arm. "Good morning."

The patient snorted and Cass immediately shifted to stand behind her father. "Good morning?" he asked.

Derek ignored the comment and placed the patient's films under the light board. "I have good and bad news," he said, switching on the light.

"Yeah?" the patient asked gruffly.

"The bad news is that you have a subarachnoid hemmorhage, which, put simply means that you're bleeding into your brain."

The patient snorted interrupting Derek. "There's good news?" he asked.

Derek nodded. "Yes. The good news is that we can operate."

The patient shook his head. "No," he said immediately. Derek saw Cass's head snap up from staring at the ground. "No surgery."

Derek breathed in deeply. "Mr. Holden, I know that surgery might be a scary thought, but I need you to understand that without this surgery you're risking more headaches, seizures, and death."

"So I'll die!" the patient said loudly.

Derek sighed and closed the chart. "Mr. Holden," he said quietly. "I'm not going to pressure you into a surgery right now, but understand that if we don't do this soon, the risk of death will continue to get worse,"

The patient shook his head no. Derek shook his head and took Cass's hand. "I'll be back later, then," Derek said quietly.

Cass and Derek walked silently down the hallway, her hand holding his tightly. "Why didn't Mr. Holden want surgery, Daddy?"

Derek sighed. "I think he was just scared, sweetheart," he answered.

"I'd be more scared of dying than of surgery," Cass commented.

Derek frowned, wishing that Cass wasn't thinking of either dying or surgery. "Cass, sweetheart, you shouldn't think about that."

Cass shrugged. "Why not? You and Mommy do," she said indignantly.

Derek opened the door to his office and ushered Cass in. "It's our job to do that," he said.

Cass hopped on Derek's desk chair. "I don't mind," she said happily.

Derek smiled sadly, hoping that Cass would always remain this happy. He felt his pager buzz suddenly and read the distinct numbers of 9-1-1 calling him to the pit.

"Dammit," he muttered, looking briefly at Cass. "Daddy has to go to the pit," he said quickly.

Cass shrugged and stood up. "Can I come?" she asked.

Derek shook his head sadly. "I don't want you seeing this," he explained to her as he pulled open the door. "Stay here."

He tried to block out the sounds of Cass's protests as he ran towards the pit, assessing the traumas. "What happened?" he asked as Meredith ran up to his side.

"Four car pileup on the freeway," she said as she examined a patient's pupils and sighed. "A lot of blood."

"Get him to CT, Mer," he instructed after looking at the patient. He heard Meredith instruct interns to wheel the gurney down to CT as he threw open the door to Trauma One.

"What do we have?" Derek asked, glancing at the chart briefly.

"56 year old male in the passenger seat, nearest point of impact," a resident informed him. "Severe head injury."

Derek took one look at the patient and snapped on a pair of gloves. "I can see that," he muttered, checking the pupil reactivity. "Get him straight to OR," Derek instructed after a brief examination.

The sound of v-fib followed and Derek's hands immediately went to the patient's chest, giving compressions. "Someone get me the paddles!" he yelled over the noise of the heart monitor. He was barely aware of the defibrillator being placed in his hands as he called out a charge.

"Clear!" he said as the surge of electricity jolted through the paddles and his hands. Derek continued for another ten minutes before ripping off his gloves violently. "Time of death, 11:17," he said eventually.

The residents one by one lowered their instruments and equipment and peeled off their gloves as well, tossing them into the used materials as they left the trauma room.

"Dammit," Derek swore again, looking at the dead patient on the table. He looked up suddenly and was both horrified and surprised to see Cass looking back at him. "Cass, what are you doing here?" he asked eventually shaking his head. "I told you I didn't want you to see this."

Cass shook her head and backed towards the door and before Derek had the chance to go after her, she was out of his sight.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"Did you find her?" Meredith asked as she scrubbed in for her surgery.

Derek shook his head and gripped the scrub sink tightly. "No," he said. "I've checked everywhere. My office, your office, closets…" his voice trailed off.

Meredith sighed. "Did you check the day care center?" she asked.

Derek thought for a moment. "No," he said eventually. "I'll go check." Derek pulled open the door but paused before walking out. "Mer, how old were you?" he asked. "When you first saw someone die?"

Meredith looked up to the ceiling in thought. "I was five," she said eventually. "My mother was driving me to school and we passed this car crash on the road. She got out to help the driver and he died on the road."

Derek frowned. "I'm sorry," he said.

Meredith shrugged. "You were twelve," Meredith said knowingly. "And it was your father."

Derek nodded. "Yeah," he said. They both looked at each other silently, no words needed. "I'll page you when I find her," Derek said eventually.

"Derek," Meredith called as he turned for the door. "We can't protect her forever," she told him quietly.

Derek breathed in deeply and leaned against the door frame. "I know," he said. "I wish we could." He walked towards Meredith and kissed her quickly, the need to simply feel her overwhelming. She squeezed his hand in support before he left the scrub room.

Derek ran towards the day care center, looking left and right for Cass.

"Oh, Dr. Shepherd," the day care nurse called, bouncing a toddler on her hip. "Your other daughter came here about half an hour ago."

Derek sighed in relief. "Thanks," he said as he spotted Cass playing aimlessly with Brett on the floor.

He sat down silently beside her and squeezed her shoulders. "Having fun?" Derek asked quietly.

Cass shrugged and handed Brett and graham cracker. "He died, Daddy," Cass said softly, as if she didn't want Brett to hear.

Brett laughed loudly and broke the graham cracker into bits, shoving them into her mouth.

Derek nodded and checked his watch quickly. "I know, sweetheart, and I didn't want you to see that."

Cass looked at him, blue eyes blazing. "Why not?" she asked suddenly. "You and Mommy see it all the time."

Derek sighed and wished at that moment he had chosen to be a teacher or a writer. "It doesn't mean that you have to, Cass," he said gently.

Cass made a face and Brett who giggled loudly. "Sorry for running away, Daddy."

Derek kissed her forehead lightly and brushed her hair with his hand. "It's okay," he said. Derek checked his watch again and sighed. "Listen, I have to check on more patients, but you can stay with Brett if you want," he said.

Cass stood up immediately and adjusted the stethoscope around her neck. "I'm fine," she said. "I can go."

Derek sighed, wishing that Cass would stay with Brett but not wanting to smother her. "Alright," he agreed, remembering what Meredith had told him. He pushed himself off the floor and kissed the crown of Brett's head before offering his hand to Cass.

"Where are we going now?" Cass asked, trying to keep up pace with Derek.

Derek pointed down the hall. "We're going to see if Mr. Holden has changed his mind," he said.

"Oh!" Cass said excitedly. "I hope he has!"

Derek laughed gently. "Me too, Cass," he said, leading them into the patient's room.

"Mr. Holden," Derek greeted as he walked into the room. "How are you feeling?"

The patient grunted. "Beside like crap?" he asked. Derek looked towards Cass and wondered if he should ask her to stand outside and wait for him.

In the corner of the room, a girl looked up from her coloring book. "Sorry," Mr. Holden muttered.

"Hi," Cass said, walking to the girl. "I'm Cass."

The girl smiled at her and looked back to her coloring book. "I'm Mona," she said. "That's my dad."

"Oh," Cass said seriously. She looked back to Derek. "That's my dad."

Derek smiled and looked through the chart again. "Mr. Holden, I just wanted to ask if you changed your mind about the surgery," Derek asked.

The patient shook his head immediately. "No," he said immediately. "No surgery."

Mona threw her pencils down. "Daddy!" she exclaimed.

Mr. Holden breathed in sharply and shook his head. "Don't interrupt me, Mona," he said. The patient looked back to Derek. "No surgery," he said, finality in his voice.

Derek sighed. "Okay," he said closing the chart. He held out his hand for Cass, trying to smile at the patient's daughter. "Come on, Cass," Derek said.

Cass stood rooted in her place. "Mr. Holden, I think you should have the surgery," Cass said weakly.

"Cass!" Derek said sharply, warning her.

Mr. Holden raised his eyebrows at her. "What did you say?" he asked.

Cass shifted and twisted her hands. "I said I think you should have the surgery."

The patient snorted. "Who do you think you are?" he asked her harshly.

Derek shook his head and walked to Cass, grabbing her hand into his. "Mr. Holden, I'm sorry. She's young and she doesn't know what she's talking about and-"

Cass pulled her hand out of Derek's. "Mona needs you," she said simply.

The patient looked between Cass and his daughter. "I saw someone die," Cass said slowly walking towards the bed. "And I know that I don't want my Daddy to ever die because I need my Daddy and I love my Daddy."

Mr. Holden was silent, looking between Cass and Mona. "She loves you because you're her Daddy," Cass explained. "Like I love my Daddy."

Cass and Mr. Holden looked to Mona. "What do you think?" he asked Mona slowly.

Mona looked up from her coloring book. "I don't want you to die," she said simply.

Mr. Holden nodded, looking to the ceiling. "Okay," he said to Derek. "If we do it now."

Derek nodded and called for an intern to assist. "Mr. Holden, I think you're making a very wise decision," he said, writing quickly in the chart and handing it to an intern. "Prep him and take him to the OR," Derek instructed.

Derek took Cass's hand silently, leading her outside. "Daddy?" Cass said quietly, looking up at him.

Derek sighed and looked at Cass, not knowing if he should punish her for speaking to a patient when she wasn't supposed to or scoop her up and cradle her and never let go.

Meredith ran up to them next, untying her scrub cap. "Oh, good you found her," Meredith said, taking Cass into her arms and stroking her hair.

"Yeah," Derek said. "Can you take her for a couple hours, I have a surgery," he said, running down the hall before Meredith could even answer him.

Meredith sighed and took Cass's hand. "I'm sorry, sweetheart," Meredith said.

Cass shrugged. "I did something bad," she said simply.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"15 blade," Derek said, holding out his hand to his right. He felt the cool metal press against his palm and he skilfully twisted the blade in his hand and concentrated deeply on the brain in front of him.

"I heard his daughter convinced the guy to have surgery," Derek heard an intern whisper loudly behind him.

He almost laughed. Even his eight year old knew how to whisper better than the intern did.

A gasp of shock followed. "Really?" someone asked.

"Yeah. I can't even convince patients I know how to put in an IV and the girl can convince this guy to have major surgery."

There was a short pause. "She has a good pedigree," the other intern answered.

At this, Derek's head snapped up and he turned to face the two interns. "Did you want to say something?" he asked them.

They both shook their heads quickly and looked back down at their notebooks.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Derek ran down the hall towards his office, not caring who saw him sprinting through the hospital.

"Shh," Meredith said to him as he threw open the door. She was holding Brett in her lap, breaking pieces of graham crackers for her. "Cass was exhausted."

Derek sighed and sat on the table opposite Cass, brushing her dark blonde hair away from her face.

"How'd the surgery go?" Meredith asked, balancing Brett on her hip and taking Nate's hand.

Derek smiled slightly. "Good," he said. "No complications."

Meredith smirked as she closed the door, promising ice cream to Brett and Nate as they walked down the hall.

Derek breathed in deeply, the scent of Cass's strawberry and candy shampoo filling him completely. "Cass," he said gently, nudging her shoulder.

She awoke immediately, a light sleeper just like him. "Hi, Daddy," she said groggily, sitting up. "How was the surgery?"

Derek nodded. "It was really good," he said. "Mr. Holden should be fine." Derek paused and thought through his words carefully.

"I'm in trouble, right?" she asked quietly.

Derek was careful not to smile. "You came down to the pit when I told you not to," he began. Cass looked at her hands folded in her lap. "You spoke to a patient when I told you not to. And you didn't listen when I told you to stop."

"Yeah, I'm in trouble," she whispered to herself.

Derek let the hint of a smile cross his face. "But I'm proud of you, Princess," he said.

Cass looked at her father, shocked. "Really?" she asked.

"You saved a man's life, Cass," Derek said, taking Cass hand into his. "And even though I told you not to say anything, you managed to convince a man to have surgery that will save his life. And now Mona will also have her father," Derek explained.

Cass nodded slowly. "I am so proud of you, Cass," Derek said again, moving over to the couch and lifting her onto his lap.

Cass hugged him immediately as if she were holding on for her life. "I could never, ever live without you either," Derek whispered to her, hugging his daughter tightly.

Derek was surprised when he saw the tear tracks on Cass's face, but he knew better than to ask about them.

She brushed them away with the back of her hand. Derek sighed, looking at his eight year old daughter having to deal with so much more than an eight year old should have to. "You're going to be extraordinary someday, Cass," he told her quietly, meaning every word.

Cass shrugged. "I just want to be like you, Daddy," she said honestly.

Derek shook his head, incredulous at how she had seemed to grow up overnight. "Come on," he said simply offering her his hand. "Let's go find Mommy, Nate and Brett."

Cass took his hand happily as Derek hung up his lab coat and flicked off his lights to his office. As they walked towards the elevators, others couldn't help but notice a girl with a stethoscope draped around her neck, every inch her father's daughter.

**A/N- So this was a huge shot in the dark, but I hoped you liked it! It was definitely fun to write, especially as Cass is getting older and developing thoughts, her own opinions and learning how to break the rules. And there's also a new Shepherd! Brett is about one in this chapter and she will be appearing in the following chapters as well. Thanks for reading and please review if you have the time! Thanks so much, again. Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon!**


	10. Death and all his Friends, Nine

**Disclaimer- Yeah, at this point, I'm not sure I want it… dead people?**

**A/N- Lo-ong update. Seriously, it really is. Just a recap, Cass is nine, Nate is five and Brett is two. Hope you like it! Happy reading!**

**Thanks to all those who read and reviewed! **

Meredith groaned as she heard the telephone ringing for the thousandth time that day. "Cass! Nate! Can one of you get the phone please?" she asked, although knowing that she would have to leave the kitchen eventually. Meredith quickly grabbed the bowl out of the microwave, placing it quickly on the counter and shaking the heat off her hands.

"Hi Aunt Kathleen!" Nate said cheerfully. Meredith narrowed her eyes and wondered why Kathleen would be calling the house. It was rare that any of Derek's sisters did, they would normally call his office or cell.

"Daddy's not here," Nathan continued looking towards Meredith. "Aunt Kathleen wants to talk to you," he said handing the phone to Meredith.

Meredith groaned to herself before taking the phone and ushering Nate off to play. "Hi, Kathleen," she said as cheerfully as possible.

Meredith felt her heart stop when she heard Kathleen sniffling on the other line. "Hi, Meredith," she said weakly, blowing her nose once. "Do you know where Derek is?"

Meredith chewed her lip, not having an answer to her question. "No, he should be at the hospital. Have you tried his office and cell numbers?" she asked.

Kathleen blew again and Meredith felt a familiar sense of dread wash over her. "He wasn't there," she said.

"Did you try Mark?" Meredith asked.

"He didn't pick up either."

Meredith sighed and knew that they were probably both in surgery. "Well, can I take a message? I can tell him when he comes home."

Kathleen was now openly crying on the phone. "He'd probably rather hear it from you," she said incoherently and told Meredith the news.

Meredith froze, now painfully aware of Cass, Nate and Brett watching her closely. "Oh, god," Meredith whispered. "I'm so sorry," she said.

Meredith quickly switched to the portable phone and walked towards the laundry room where the washer was rumbling loudly. "Could you tell him to call when he comes home?" Kathleen asked Meredith before hanging up.

Meredith nodded, even though Kathleen couldn't see her. "I will," she said lamely. "I'm so sorry," she said again before Kathleen hung up the phone.

Meredith stood staring at the receiver wondering how she would tell her children and Derek. She jumped when she heard a knock on the laundry room door and briskly pulled the door open. "Hey guys," she said softly, lifting Brett into her arms.

Cass wasn't convinced. "Mommy, why did Aunt Kathleen call?" she asked.

Meredith sighed. "It's, uh," she paused, trying to find the right words. "Mommy has to discuss this with Daddy first, okay?" she asked.

Cass and Nate nodded reluctantly. "Okay," Nate said deliberately slowly, drawing out his syllables.

Meredith tried her best to smile at them and lead Cass and Nate to the kitchen. "Don't worry about anything," she said, handing them each a plate with a quesadilla. "Everything is going to be fine."

Cass silently got cups from the cupboard while Nate retrieved the milk and Meredith wondered if she who she was assuring more; her children or herself.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

As the headlights swung around through the living room window, Meredith felt her heart begin to beat faster. The news was playing softly in the background, but she hadn't heard a word of the world events that were being reported.

She counted 97 seconds before she heard the front door open followed by Derek's voice. "Mer?" he called softy, flicking the hallway lights on.

Meredith breathed sharply and turned the tv off as she stood up. She walked towards the hallway, wringing her hands as she saw Derek, completely euphoric over a surgery.

"You should have seen that surgery, Mer," he began, unbuttoning the top two buttons on his shirt. "I swear that guy's head was literally off his body."

Instead of making a smart remark about the possibility of that, Meredith shook her head. "Was Mark with you?" she asked suddenly.

Derek frowned. "Yeah. And Hunt too," he said. "Why?"

Derek looked at Meredith closely, biting her lip and wringing her hands. "Mer, what's wrong?" he asked eventually, walking closer to her.

"Kathleen called today," she began, removing Derek's hand from hers. "And she tried calling your office and your cell but I guess you were in surgery with Mark and the army guy because she ended up calling the house and you weren't here and-"

"Mer," Derek said, cutting her off. He knew that Meredith rambled on account of nervousness and she hardly ever referred to Owen Hunt as 'the army guy' ever since he and Cristina had become a couple. "What's wrong?" he said.

"Oh, god," Meredith breathed, taking Derek's hand back into her own and squeezed it. "Derek, Kathleen called to tell me your mom died today," she said eventually. She immediately felt like kicking herself after for lack of tact in her word choice.

It was like watching a deer caught in the headlights. Meredith saw Derek's good mood slowly slip away as he detached their hands. She tried to ignore the sting that she felt when he did that.

"Derek?" she said after the silence became unbearable. "Derek, are you okay?" she asked softly.

He shook his head. "Meredith, you just told me my mom died. Give me a minute," he said harshly.

Meredith stood completely still not knowing what to do. "Okay," she whispered quietly.

"When did Kathleen call?" Derek asked eventually.

She flicked a glance at her watch; one that Derek had given her last Christmas, complete with a cheesy note at the back. "About an hour and a half ago," she said.

Derek nodded slowly and pulled his phone out of his pocket, walking towards his office. "Have you told them yet?" he asked.

Meredith shook her head no, despite Cass, Nate and Brett's constant questions during dinner. "No," she said. "I can tell them if you want. Or you can tell them."

Derek shrugged. "You should tell them," he said simply, turning away from her again.

"Derek," she called suddenly. He turned warily to face her. "I booked tickets," she said stupidly. "I didn't know if you wanted us to come or not, but the funeral is on Saturday," she said. "I didn't know if you wanted me to, and so I, uh, yeah-" she finished lamely.

"Okay," he said fiddling with the buttons on his phone.

"Derek," she called again. He didn't turn, but she could almost see the annoyance on his face as he stopped. "I love you," she said softly.

She waited for the words to come back as they always did, but he simply walked down the hall away from her and shut the door quietly to his office.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Meredith sighed with relief when she opened Cass's door to find her, Brett and Nate huddled on the bed with Hershey in front of them and a flashlight. "Hey guys," Meredith said, not even pretending to be mad. She turned on Cass's pink bedside lamp.

"Can you tell us now?" Nate asked, not even beating around the bush. Cass nodded in agreement.

Meredith breathed out slowly, wondering when this day would end. "Your grandma died today," she said.

Cass and Nate looked shocked white Brett climbed on her lap. "What's died?" she asked innocently.

"When someone dies, their body stops working and they kind of go to sleep," Meredith said, trying best to explain death to a two year old.

"So grandma's sleeping?" Brett asked. Meredith noticed the tears threatening to spill in Cass's eyes.

"Yeah, sweetheart, except she's not going to wake up."

Brett's eyes went wide. "Ever?" she asked.

Meredith nodded sadly. "She's never going to wake up," she finalized. Meredith saw the tears rolling down Cass's cheeks and wondered when she had learn to become a silent crier. "Cass, baby, are you okay?" she asked.

Cass nodded slowly. "Is Daddy home?" she asked instead. Meredith had to give it up for the girl who was more concerned for her father than her own feelings.

"Yeah, sweetheart," she said, running her hands through Brett's hair. "He's downstairs."

"Can I go say hi?" Cass asked immediately.

Meredith frowned. Besides still being on the phone with Kathleen or Mark, he could be half drunk already. "I don't think that's such a good idea, sweetheart," she replied cautiously.

Cass's face fell but she nodded. "Okay," she said.

"Can we sleep in here tonight?" Nate asked quietly.

Meredith nodded immediately, glad that they weren't making this more difficult than it already was. "I'll bring some blankets," she said.

Meredith set Brett on the bed and walked out to the linen closet, pulling out all the sleeping bags, sheets and blankets she could find. She carried them all back to Cass's room and spread them all over the floor.

Meredith stepped back to admire her makeshift bed and smiled when she saw it looked surprisingly comfortable. Nate and Brett hopped down from Cass's bed and buried themselves under the mass of blankets.

Meredith crawled to Nate's side, kissing his forehead and brushing his hair out of his eyes. He really was a mini-Derek, she noted with a slight smile. She leaned over next to kiss Brett and then Cass. "I love you," she said to all of them as she turned off the bedside lamp. Meredith didn't even bother closing Cass's door at all.

Looking over the banister, Meredith saw all the lights off besides Derek's office. She sighed and walked back to their room slowly, making sure that she took double time brushing her teeth and putting on her pyjamas.

It was an extremely silent night and she could hear everything, from the flick of the lights downstairs to Derek's footsteps on the stairs. She sat upright in bed when she heard the bedroom door open hours later. "Derek?" she called, even though she knew it was him.

He wasn't even halfway across the room before Meredith smelt the scent of Jose Cuervo. Derek rarely drank tequila, mainly because he hated the taste and Meredith could guess that it wasn't just a shot that he had consumed.

"Are you okay?" she asked as he collapsed into bed still wearing his jeans and shirt.

He turned away from her so that he was inches away from falling off the side of the bed. "No, I'm not okay, Mer," he snapped at her.

She normally hated it when Derek snapped at her and she made sure he knew that. Instead, she moved closer to him and took his hand into hers. She felt him resist, but she held on tightly and his muscles eventually relaxed into hers.

"I'm going tomorrow," Derek said into the silence. "I talked to Hunt and he said he could take over for Mark and me until we get back."

Meredith nodded against him. "Do you want us to come?" she asked, snaking her arm around Derek's waist.

She felt him shrug. "It's up to you," he said.

"Do you want me there?" she asked.

She was answered with silence and she couldn't help but feel a hit to her ego.

"Yes," Derek said eventually. "I want you there."

Meredith nodded and kissed his shoulder, running her hand along his arm.

"Sorry," he said eventually, tiredness laced into his syllables.

Meredith said nothing but kept running her hand up and down his arm. "I love you," she answered.

She waited again for him to say it back, but throughout the night he didn't so much as once turn to face her.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDM**

"Here," Meredith said, handing a Jolly Rancher each to Cass, Nate and Brett. "It'll help." She tried to ignore her own fear of planes as it tilted towards the sky.

They each opened the Jolly Ranchers without a word and continued looking at the in flight magazine.

Meredith turned to Derek staring blankly ahead at the seat in front of him. "Derek. Are you okay?" she asked.

Derek sighed. "Meredith, I'm fine. Stop looking at me like I'm going to fall apart," he snapped.

Meredith sighed and wished that she could tell Derek to stop snapping at her. "Okay," she said simply. "Sorry."

Nate shoved the duty free catalogue on Derek's lap pointing to a metallic mini refrigerator. "Can I get that?" he asked enthusiastically.

Derek swiftly looked at the magazine and closed his eyes. "No, Nate," he said.

Meredith frowned, knowing that Derek normally humored Cass and Nate when they asked for unreasonable purchases.

Meredith fished through her bag and pulled out her Ipod and a coloring book. "Here," she said handing the Ipod to Nate to share with Cass. "Why don't you listen to something," she suggested. They took it silently, not wanting to create more tension than there already was.

She handed the coloring book and a couple pencils to Brett next and instructed her to color.

"Where we going 'gain?" Brett asked after a long period of silence.

Derek sighed. "We're going to New York," Meredith answered quickly.

Brett nodded and went back to her coloring. "I could have answered that," Derek said to her eventually.

Meredith sighed, not enjoying the double standard he was using on her. "I know," she said simply. Meredith closed her eyes and looked away from Derek, wondering how much more she could take.

They were silent for most of the plane journey, saying the few odd words to each other. When they reached New York, Derek stalked ahead of them, letting Meredith take care of Brett, Nate and Cass and various pieces of luggage.

She felt exhaustion take over her as she balanced Brett on her hip, her bag on her other shoulder held Nate's hand with her left hand. By the time they had reached Derek standing silently with their bags, she felt as though her back was going to break.

He had the decency to look slightly sorry when she placed Brett on the ground with a wince. "Brett, hold Cass's hand," Derek instructed.

Meredith and Derek each took one bag as he walked ahead to the car rentals. She tried not to yawn as Derek quietly signed off for the car and took the keys. "Let's go," he said brusquely, walking back towards them to lead them to the car.

"Seatbelts," Meredith reminded as she pulled her own over her body. She turned to Derek who silently turned the key in the ignition and pulled out of the parking lot.

"Are you okay driving?" Meredith asked tentatively.

"Meredith," he said, looking at her angrily. "Stop. I'm fine driving, I'm fine walking, I'm fine."

Normally, she would have snapped right back at him and told him to stop treating her like his doormat. "Okay. Sorry," she said instead.

Meredith sighed silently when she saw how tightly Derek gripped the wheel, the muscles in his hands and arms extremely tense. She wanted to take his hand in hers and relax his muscles and tell him everything was going to be okay, but she wasn't willing to be snapped at again.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Cass was the only one to wake up when they pulled up to the hotel. "Are we here?" she asked sleepily, leaning forward onto the chair in front of her.

"Yeah," Meredith whispered as she leaned back to unbuckle Nate and Cass's seatbelts. Derek pulled open the passenger seat door and lifted Nate into his arms, leaving Meredith to carry Brett.

"Sweetheart," Meredith said turning to Cass, still groggy from her nap. "Can you please carry Mommy's bag?" she asked.

Cass obliged and stood at Meredith's side silently, not once complaining about the weight.

Derek stepped back from the reception and handed one of the key cards to Meredith and walked to the elevators without a word. Meredith sighed and placed her hand on Cass's shoulder guiding her to follow her father.

They rode the elevator and walked to their room in silence. Derek pulled down the sheets on one of the double beds and laid Nathan down, untying his laces and slipping off his shoes. Meredith did the same with Brett, placing her next to Nate.

"I'll go get the bags," Derek said, walking out the door before Meredith had the chance to answer.

Meredith sighed and sank down on the bed. She smiled when Cass climbed up beside her and rested her head on her shoulder. "Are you hungry?" Meredith asked, suddenly remembering how hungry they had been in the car.

Cass shrugged. "A little." Meredith stood up and took the hotel binder on the desk, looking for the room service section.

"What do you want?" Meredith asked scanning the options. "There's pasta and macaroni and chicken," she said.

"I guess macaroni," Cass answered looking at the room service menu. Meredith nodded and chose a burger for her and Derek before picking up the phone and dialling.

The door opened suddenly and Derek wheeled in their bags and placed them in the hallway. He walked over and kissed Cass quickly on the forehead before turning to Meredith. "I need a drink," he said to her quietly before turning for the door.

Meredith sighed but knew better than to stop him. When the door closed, Cass turned to Meredith. "Why is Daddy so mad?" she asked simply.

Meredith tried to smile the best she could. "He's not mad, sweetheart. Daddy's just really sad right now."

Cass looked sceptical. "He doesn't seem sad," she replied. Meredith couldn't help but see Cass's point.

"I know," she said, unsure of how to explain to her daughter that when her father was upset he brooded more than anyone else. "Daddy's just having a really hard time now and we all need to be really good and help him, okay Princess?" Meredith said, using Derek's nickname for Cass. It sounded foreign when she said it.

"Am I not being good?" she asked worriedly.

"No," Meredith answered, quickly playing with the ends of Cass's hair. "You're being incredibly good."

They sat in silence until the room service came, the ordeal of the whole day finally catching up with them both. Meredith paid, pulling two twenties out of her bag and told the waiter to keep the change.

She made sure Cass was settled and eating before cutting less than half of the burger and taking a bite. In an instant, she realized just how hungry she was, having not eaten since before they left for the airport in the morning.

Meredith turned on Nickelodeon, too tired to entertain Cass in any way. They ate in listening to Spongebob's annoying laugh and crazy adventures through the sea. When they were done, Meredith placed the half eaten burger, fries and Cass's plate on the table neatly and sat against the headboard of the bed.

She stretched her legs out and pulled Cass into her arms, stroking her hair and whispering to her that it would be okay, even if she wasn't sure of it herself.

It was close to two in the morning when Derek stumbled through the door. Without a word, he unbuttoned his shirt and let it fall to the ground and slipped a tee shirt over his head. Meredith sighed as she tucked Cass into the blankets tightly and stood up, picking up Derek's shirt and hanging it up on one of the hangers.

"I ordered food," she said simply, not looking at him. "There's a burger and some fries left."

Derek shook his head and collapsed onto the couch, much to small for his height. "No, thanks," he muttered turning away from her.

Meredith breathed out slowly, knowing that he only had a coffee in the morning and alcohol. "Derek, you should eat something," she pushed.

"Meredith, I said I'm not hungry!" he said forcefully. "Just let me sleep." She wasn't even surprised when he snapped at her.

Meredith shook her head and leaned to kiss his cheek and brush some hair out of his eyes, half expecting to be swatted away. "Love you," she whispered to him before climbing into bed next to her daughter.

As she turned off the lights and rested her head on the pillow, she wondered why Derek had ever asked her to come in the first place.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Meredith jolted awake at the sound of Derek's cell phone. She quickly grabbed it before it woke anyone else and glanced at the contact quickly before answering it.

"Hey," she whispered into the phone. "It's Meredith."

She could see Mark's confusion on the other line. "I'm downstairs in the lobby," he said eventually. The tiredness she heard in Derek's voice was evident in Mark's as well.

"Okay," Meredith said, looking at her watch. 6:05. They didn't need to be at the cemetery until ten. "I'll be down in a minute."

Meredith disconnected the phone and slipped on her Uggs and Derek's sweatshirt before grabbing a key card and closing the door.

She braided her hair to one side in the elevator in attempt to look presentable, but looking in the mirror, she knew it was an effortless cause.

The elevator door opened to the lobby and Meredith saw Mark leaning against the opposite wall. "Hey," she said sadly.

Mark dragged his bag behind him and leaned against the wall of the elevator Meredith held open. "Hey, Grey," he said. "How's Derek?"

Meredith sighed and shook her head. "Hung over and not good."

Mark smirked. In all the years he had known Derek, he had never been the type to get raging drunk no matter what he was feeling. "He can't look worse than you," Mark said ruefully.

Meredith laughed tiredly. "I couldn't sleep," she admitted.

"Because you were worrying about Derek," Mark said. It was a statement, not a question.

Meredith shrugged it off. "Someone has to," she said. The elevator doors opened slowly and Meredith stepped out first. "What room number are you?"

Mark looked at the key cards in his hand. "807," he answered eventually.

"Okay," Meredith said nodding. "We're in 802 if you need anything."

Meredith watched Mark walk towards his room and close the door before she went back into her room. Everyone was still sleeping soundly and as she climbed back into bed, she knew it would be no use trying to sleep again and decided on a long shower instead.

Meredith locked the bathroom door and turned up the water as hot as it would go before stepping in. As scalding as the water was, she welcomed the heat and allowed the water to relax her tense and aching muscles.

When she stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around her body, Meredith was glad for the fogged up mirror. She didn't need to see how exhausted and terrible she looked at the moment.

It was 7:15 by the time she unlocked the bathroom door with her hair dried and her black dress and pumps. She walked towards Nate, Brett and Cass and gently shook each of them awake. "Hey," she said, kissing each of their foreheads. "It's time to get up."

Meredith was surprised when they rolled out of bed without protest and retrieved their toothbrushes from her. "Cass, help your sister," she said quietly to Cass as they all walked to the bathroom.

Meredith heard the water turn on in the bathroom and began looking for their funeral clothes. Nate had a small suit reserved for special occasions and a tie to match and Cass and Brett had similar dresses to her own: plain black with short sleeves. She laid out the suit and dresses on the bed and debated over which shoes Brett and Cass should wear. Meredith decided eventually that Cass was old enough to wear a proper pair of ballet flats but Brett could wear her black uggs.

When Cass, Nate and Brett had finished brushing their teeth, they stood in front of Meredith silently. She passed Cass her outfit and told her to go change first. She came out in record speed but surprisingly neatly dressed. Meredith handed Nate's suit to him next and told him to do the same as she helped Brett with her dress.

"You both look very pretty," Meredith complimented Brett and Cass as they stood in front of her. She sat down on the bed, trying not to wince as she felt pain shoot up and down her back. Meredith patted the bed in front of her and took the hairbrush from the nightstand.

Cass and Brett climbed up onto the bed. Meredith pulled Cass's curls back into a ponytail and tied a black ribbon around it and brushed out Brett's hair. The bathroom door slammed suddenly and Meredith tried to contain her laughter as Nate walked out of the bathroom with his tie hanging loose and his jacket thrown sloppily on his shoulders.

"Why don't you girls go to door 807 and see who's there," Meredith suggested. Cass and Brett both brightened up at the thought of a mystery and ran towards the door.

Meredith kneeled in front of Nate with a smile and pushed up the knot of his tie. "Is it going to be sad?" Nate asked cautiously.

Meredith sighed and placed her hands on her son's shoulders. "Yeah, buddy," she said, not wanting to lie to Nathan. "But it's okay for everyone to be sad sometimes." As if on cue, they both looked to Derek still sleeping on the couch.

"Is Daddy sad?" Nate asked.

Meredith smiled sadly. "Yeah, Nate. Daddy's very sad right now." Nate looked worried, only ever having known Derek as a happy, loving and affectionate father. "Daddy won't always be sad," Meredith assured him.

"I hope not," Nate agreed, taking Meredith's hand. She saw his face instantly brighten as he spotted Mark in the hallway dressed in a charcoal suit.

"Huh," he said looking to Meredith with a smirk. "You don't look half dead."

Meredith was too tired to come back with a witty remark. "Thanks," she said instead. They allowed Cass, Nate and Brett to run ahead and press the elevator buttons as they trailed behind slowly.

"Derek still sleeping?" he asked shoving his hands into his pockets.

Meredith sighed. "The minute he wakes up he'll be hung over," she said. "I'd rather he be sleeping."

Mark shrugged. "If it were me, I would have kicked his sorry ass out of bed an hour ago."

Meredith looked away, the thought having crossed her mind more than once. "I never really got the whole losing parents thing, you know?" she began. Mark pressed the button for the hotel restaurant and watched the elevator doors close. "It's never been that difficult for me. But Derek watched his father die when he was twelve. And now Elizabeth too." She shrugged, not even knowing if Mark was listening to her. "So I'm just…helping him. I'm helping him."

Mark nodded understandingly. "You should tell that to him," he said taking off his jacket and hanging it on the back of his chair. Meredith shrugged. "Come on," Mark said to Cass, Nate and Brett. "I'll show you how to blow up waffle batter with the waffle iron."

Meredith smiled as they walked off smiling, glad that someone could still make them feel like this wasn't the end of the world as they knew it. Meredith chose an apple from the fruit selection and bit into it slowly.

When Mark, Cass, Nate and Brett all sat down with waffles that looked very close to normal, Meredith wrapped her apple core in her napkin and placed it on the table.

Mark frowned at her. "That's it, Grey? No wonder you're so thin," Mark said.

Cass looked up at him curiously, placing a syrup soaked bite in her mouth. "Why do you call Mommy Grey, Uncle Mark?"

Mark looked at her as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Because that's her name," he said simply.

Cass looked confused. "Daddy calles Mommy Mer," Cass pointed out. Meredith didn't have the heart to tell her that it seemed like ages since Derek had last called her Mer. Meredith felt her concentration focus in and out as Mark and Cass discussed the different types of nicknames.

"Can you stay with them?" Meredith asked Mark, suddenly as she looked at her watch. "I should probably go wake Derek."

Mark nodded okay and Meredith swiped a travel size box of museli and a water bottle before heading back towards their room.

She placed the water and muesli on the coffee table and retrieved two Alka Seltzer plus pills from her bag before kneeling on the floor.

"Derek," she whispered, trying to be as quiet as possible. His eyes opened slowly and he groaned the minute the light hit his eyes. "It's eight fifteen," she said.

"Meredith," Derek muttered rubbing his temples and grabbing for the water bottle on the coffee table. "Too loud."

"Sorry," Meredith said, backing up and sitting on the bed. "We should probably leave by nine if we want to make it to the cemetery in time." She hated having to bring up the funeral to him first thing in the morning.

Derek groaned again as he sat up slowly, taking the two pills from Meredith in silence and dropping them straight into the bottle.

She watched quietly as he drank half of its contents, making a face as he screwed the cap back on. "That's disgusting," Derek commented dryly.

Meredith shrugged. "It isn't supposed to taste good," she responded. Derek looked at her intently from his spot on the couch as if to ask or challenge her what to do next.

"Mark, Cass, Nate and Brett are downstairs eating if you want to go," Meredith began. "Or there's a box of muesli for you, too."

Derek ran his hand down his face and stood up. "I'm not hungry," he said.

Meredith sighed, anticipating the answer. "Derek, you should eat something. You didn't eat last night."

She wasn't surprised when Derek shouted at her, but still jumped when he raised his voice. "Meredith, stop it! Stop trying to feed me, stop asking me if I'm okay, stop trying to take care of me! Just leave me alone!"

Before Meredith had a chance to oblige to his request, Derek had slammed the door of the bathroom and turned the shower on full blast.

As hurt as she felt, Meredith went over to their suitcases, placed Derek's suit on the bed and knotted most of his tie for him before closing the door to their room quietly. Despite being yelled and snapped at, Meredith needed to make sure that this day was as easy for him as possible.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

He hadn't looked at her once during the funeral. While Meredith was more concerned about if her husband was capable of driving or if he was going to break down in the next minute, Derek had kept his eyes glued to the coffin.

Elizabeth's house was now a swarm of people that she had known and each of them made their way around to Derek and his sisters, standing in an exclusive huddle, hugging them and offering their condolences. Each sister had their husbands glued to their side as if their life depended on it, but yet Derek looked perfectly content standing on his own.

Meredith smiled gratefully as Mark walked up to her and offered her a glass of water. "I wonder why he asked me to come," Meredith told him wryly.

Mark shrugged. "He needs you, Grey." They both looked at Derek shaking hands with an elderly man. "He doesn't have the best ways of showing it, but he needs you."

Meredith wished that she could believe Mark's words. She drank deeply from her cup and looked through the glass doors where the children were sitting watching a movie.

"Oh, my god," Meredith heard Mark say and she instantly looked up at him.

"What?" she asked frantically. She saw his face go slightly red, a completely uncommon occurrence for Mark Sloan.

He cleared his throat, the common male non-verbal cue that said: this is something I don't want to tell you. "That's Mariah Harte," he said to Meredith, his eyes following a tall and leggy brunette.

The name hit Meredith quickly, the times when she had laughed over the girl's love notes in very feminine handwriting to Derek in his high school yearbook suddenly not as funny. "_That's_ Derek's high school girlfriend?" she asked quietly.

Mark snorted. "She did not look like that in high school," he said in amazement. "Damn, she aged well."

It seemed that every woman Derek had been paired with in the past had legs that went on for miles and hair that always looked shiny and fabulous. Meredith watched as Derek's eyes widen when he saw his old girlfriend and to Meredith's surprise, Derek smiled the first genuine smile she had seen in days.

She kissed each side of his face next, and Meredith couldn't help but notice the dangerous proximity Mariah had to kissing his mouth. She waited for Derek to step back, to tell her to stop, but he smiled again and laughed at something she whispered to him.

Meredith didn't know if it was the ease that they talked to each other with, the way Mariah had placed her hand on Derek's arm or the fact that he was doing nothing to stop her that made Meredith snap. "Could you hold this?" she asked, passing Mark her half empty glass and walking off before he had a chance to stop her.

She wanted to go over to the leggy girl and pull her hair or walk up to Derek proudly and kiss him senseless but she made a beeline to the bathroom instead, locking the door quickly and sliding down to the floor.

Meredith was careful not to make a sound as she cried in case there was someone on the other side listening. At Elizabeth's house, it was difficult to find space to be completely isolated. She told herself they were tears for Derek's dead mother, tears of sorrow for his loss. But she couldn't ignore the reality; after she had took care of him, of their children, the nights she spent worrying about him and whispering that she loved him into his ear, she still wasn't the one who made him laugh and smile.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"Nate, eat your broccoli," Derek said as he watched his son push the vegetables back and forth on the plate.

"Why?" he challenged, and Meredith groaned inwardly. She wished that Nate had chosen a better time to be difficult.

Derek raised his eyebrows. "Because I said so."

Cass looked down at her own plate and quickly shoved the pile of corn kernels into her mouth before she was told to do the same.

"I don't like stupid broccoli," Nate muttered as he violently speared a piece and shoved it into his mouth.

Derek's hand stopped midway as he reached for his glass. "What was that?" he asked, his voice dangerously low.

Nate looked at him darkly. "Nothing," he muttered.

Derek took a long sip of water. "That's what I thought," he said.

The waitress stopped at their table, her pen poised and ready for writing and Meredith was grateful for the diversion. "Can I get you anything else tonight? Desserts, drinks?" she asked, her voice honeyed and artificial.

"Let's get ice cream!" Cass suggested, looking up from the kernel she was staring at on her plate.

Derek shook his head, ignoring her request. "Just the check, please," he said to the waitress, pulling a credit card out of his pocket.

She nodded and walked off, her ponytail swaying as she did. "Why can't we have ice cream?" Cass asked indignantly.

"Because," Derek said. "You already had a lot of candy at Grandma's house. And Nate didn't finish his broccoli."

Cass opened her mouth to protest but Meredith caught her before she did. "Cass," she said, her voice warning her.

Cass sat back in her chair, sulking until the waitress brought the receipt back. "Thanks," she said to Derek as he slipped the credit card back into his wallet.

As they walked to the car, Meredith realized that they would be lucky if they didn't enter into a huge argument before they left for Seattle in the morning.

Cass slammed the door with extra force and deliberately shoved the metal end of the seatbelt hard into the catch, trying to make as much noise as possible.

"When we goes home?" Brett asked quietly into the silence.

Meredith turned to smile at her. "Tomorrow, sweetheart," she answered. "Okay?" Brett nodded at her happily.

"Good, 'cause I don't like it here anymore," Nate muttered, staring out the car window intently.

Meredith quickly looked to Derek to see if he heard Nate's comment and if he did, he was doing a good job of not letting it affect him.

"Nathan," Meredith warned, using his full name for effect. Nate looked at her apologetically for an instant and then back out the window.

As they drove past an array of stores on the street, Cass slammed her hands against the window, causing the whole car to jump. "It's a Coldstone! Can we go?" she asked.

Derek sighed as he slowed the car down at a red light. "I already said no ice cream."

"That's not fair!" Cass exclaimed loudly. "I finished all my corn and I only had two Reeses Pieces at-"

"Dammit, Cass, be quiet!" he shouted, suddenly his hands gripping the wheel tightly. "I don't care how many pieces of candy you had, I don't care if you finished your corn, I don't care if you don't like it here, just be quiet!"

The car was completely silent as the light went green and the car lurched forward.

"Derek, stop the car," Meredith said suddenly, her voice quivering.

Derek looked at her as if she were insane. "What? Meredith we're almost back to-"

"I said stop the goddamn car!" she screamed, slamming her hand on the dashboard. Meredith tried to ignore the shooting pain in her hand as Derek pulled over to the side of the road.

Meredith threw her door open so hard that she was sure that it was going to break off its hinges. He had crossed the line. Yelling at her, treating her like crap, even flirting with another woman was one thing, but yelling and swearing at her children when they hadn't deserved it was another.

She pulled open the door to the back seats and unbuckled Cass, Nate and Brett, pulling a shell shocked Cass into her lap and moving Nate and Brett close to her. None of them had ever had Derek yell at them, or anyone else in that way before, they probably didn't even think he was capable of it.

"Shh," she whispered to Cass, even though she was crying completely silently. The tears dripped onto Meredith's neck, each one branding her, making her feel worse and worse. "It's okay," she whispered as she rocked them slowly.

The rest of the drive to the hotel was silent and quick, and when they reached Meredith opened the back door and told Cass, Nate and Brett to wait at the entrance for her.

It was a silent challenge seeing who would break first.

"Mark and I are going to the bar," he said eventually, his hands still gripping the wheel tightly.

Meredith almost laughed in disgust. "Right," she said sarcastically, opening the door. "Of course you are."

She slammed the door more loudly than she should have. "What is your problem?" he called after her, rolling down the window.

Meredith could have slapped him. "My problem is you," she hissed at him before lifting Brett to sit on her hip and taking Cass's hand.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Meredith had been watching the untouched ice cream that she ordered for Cass slowly melt as she replayed the day over and over in her head.

The yelling in the morning. The funeral where Derek refused to touch her. The leggy girl at Elizabeth's house. The yelling in the afternoon. The tension at dinner. The yelling at night.

She had never once doubted the security of her family before this. Now, she wasn't so sure.

Meredith scooted back on the bed and sighed when she looked at Cass. She had cried herself to sleep, and Meredith hadn't known if it was because she was gravely upset or completely shocked and scared. She brushed some hair that stuck to Cass's tear stained face behind her ear and whispered that she loved her again.

Meredith felt an intense amount of guilt wash over her as she realised that she shouldn't have brought them along. Elizabeth was their grandmother, but having to deal with someone's death and the aftermath of a death were two completely different things.

The distinct laughter of Derek and Mark jolted her out of her thoughts and she realized with horror that they were probably drunk out of their minds. Grabbing a key card, she quickly secured the door and groaned when she saw her husband and his best friend stumbling down the hallway.

"Un freaking believable," she muttered as she walked up to them.

Mark was the first to notice her and gave her a goofy smile. "Grey!" he exclaimed, much louder than he should have. "Lookin' sexy."

Derek immediately gave him a punch in the shoulder and Meredith assumed that if they had been less drunk, it probably would have hurt. "Looking wasted," Meredith replied, holding out her hand. "Give me your key."

Mark smirked at her. "Nah," he slurred. "We're not even going out yet, I'm not giving you my key."

Derek laughed at his comment, slapping Mark on the shoulder. "We're not going out," Meredith told him warily, moving around him. "I'm married, remember?"

As Meredith was about to grab his wallet, Mark turned. "Really?" he asked as if he were genuinely surprised. "Who's the lucky guy?"

Meredith laughed sarcastically and grabbed Mark's wallet. "He's an ass," she said, shrugging. She fished through the stacks of condoms with a face and pulled out the key card. "He's an ass that likes to drink when he's being an ass."

Somehow, Derek knew that she was targeting him and his eyes narrowed. "Like you- like you don't have experience with drunkness," he slurred, colliding with the wall as he made his way to Mark's room.

Instead of replying that she hadn't been drunk in years and that his comment was a cheap shot, Meredith simply shook her head and opened the door. "Get in," she said furiously to both of them.

They surprisingly obliged and both collapsed onto the same bed. She considered leaving them there and chalking one up to Karma but she sighed and shook Derek.

"What?" he asked her sleepily.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Unless you want to wake up next to Mark, move to the other bed," she said.

Derek sat up slowly and stumbled across the room, running into the chair as he did so. Meredith groaned as she turned them each on their sides and ran back to check on Cass, Nate and Brett.

Meredith noted that it was near the early hours of the morning before she rested her head against the wood desk and fell into a fitful slumber.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"Shit," Meredith heard and she snapped awake. She turned quickly to see Mark Sloan holding his head in his hands, rubbing his temples.

Meredith simply raised her eyebrows at him and shook her head. "I will give you twenty bucks if you can remember anything from last night," she said.

Mark narrowed his eyes at her. "Shut up, Grey," he said as she threw him a water bottle. "I actually do remember something."

Meredith was impressed. "Right," she said.

He snorted at her and threw the blankets off himself, stumbling slightly as he stood up. "That girl was at the bar. Mariah Harte. And I hooked up with her," he paused to think for a moment. "Or Derek hooked up with her. Either way one of us did."

He seemed to not connect the dots as he swayed into the bathroom.

Meredith felt as if the floor had just been pulled from under her. She stood at the foot of Derek's bed, wondering if the man she had been married to for ten years would really do that.

"Derek," she said suddenly, slapping him with the nearest magazine her hand touched.

He jolted awake and groaned. "What?" he mumbled.

Meredith felt like slapping him again. "We're leaving for Seattle soon. Get up."

A look of understanding and surprise crossed Derek's face. "I can't go back," he said stupidly.

Meredith wondered how much floor was left to be dropped. "What?" she snapped.

Derek groaned and leaned against the headboard. "I told you. My sisters and I need to settle my mom's will and the house."

She was livid. Extremely livid. She considered slapping him to death with the magazine, but decided against it. "You didn't tell me anything!" Meredith yelled. "You haven't even looked at me or touched me since your mother died, let alone talked to me!"

She was getting to him. Derek stood up and Meredith was surprised when he didn't stumble. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're an jackass!"

Derek looked hurt for a brief second but Meredith stood staring him down. "What did you say?" he asked her.

Meredith quirked an eyebrow at him, suddenly emboldened. "You want me to say it again?"

"No!" he shouted suddenly. "I want you to explain why you think you have a right to call me that!"

Meredith could have laughed. "Don't even go there," she said, her voice dropping in decibels. "I have taken your crap from the first day, Derek! The first day! You snap at me and you yell at me and you generally treat me like crap, and I don't say anything because I know that you need me to not say anything. Fine! Treat me like crap! Whatever! Did you really have to take it out on Cass, Nate and Brett?"

Derek had the decency to look shocked. "What?" he asked slowly.

Meredith shook her head at him, the hate she was feeling replaced by tears she was careful not to spill. "They don't understand what's going on, Derek," she said. "All they know right now is that you're sad and that they want to help you. They've been so worried about you and turn around and yell at them and scare them out of their minds."

She was pleased when he had no response. "After a day of treating everyone like crap, Cass asked you for ice cream and you yell and swear at her. After staying up night after night and taking care of your drunken ass when you're hung over you hook up with someone else." Meredith shook her head at him, one lone tear working its way down her cheek.

Derek walked towards her wanting to take her hand in his, but she stepped back and turned towards the door. "We're going back to Seattle, and you're going to stay here" Meredith told him, holding the door open. "I don't care anymore."

Derek cringed as the door closed quietly.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

After countless question about Derek, an exhausting plane ride and drive back to the house in the wilderness, Meredith had gotten Cass, Nate and Brett showered, cleaned and sleeping.

Meredith called Cristina first because she would tell Meredith what she wanted to hear.

"He hooked up with someone else," Cristina clarified slowly.

Meredith nodded. "Yes," she said. She could practically see Cristina shrugging on the other line.

"So what do you want me to do? I mean I could kill him, but Owen knows some pretty cool stuff that I'm sure would hurt even more."

Meredith didn't even want to think about it. "I don't want to kill him," she said.

Cristina snorted. "I do."

Meredith called Izzie next, knowing that she would be the more reasonable of the two.

"Meredith, I swear to God this better be good because-"

"Derek kissed someone else," she blurted out.

Meredith heard Izzie telling Alex to go away because it was in fact, something good. "Derek kissed someone else?" she asked. Meredith heard Alex's shock from behind Izzie and her telling him and mind his own business.

Meredith felt a mix of rage, jealousy and hurt boil inside her as she heard the phrase repeated to her again. "Yeah."

Izzie was silent for a long period of time. "I don't buy it," she said eventually. "He wouldn't do that."

Meredith was shocked. "He was drunk! And crap like this always happens to me anyhow."

Izzie snorted. "I hate to break it to you, Mer, but you actually don't have the worst life in the world."

Rather than spew the whole story about Derek treating her like crap one more time, she told Izzie that Brett was calling for her and that she'd see her tomorrow at work.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Mark and Derek sat holding cups of coffee, Mark celebrating the fact that Elizabeth had in fact left something for him in her will.

"You are such a jackass," Mark said.

Derek could have punched him. "You're not helping," he muttered.

Mark shrugged. "Seriously man. Did you not see how tired Meredith was?"

Derek frowned. "We're surgeons. We're always tired."

Mark rolled his eyes. "Take a closer look," he said simply.

Derek suddenly looked up from his coffee cup. "Why the hell were you looking at my wife so closely?" he asked.

Mark lifted his hands in surrender. "We're friends, man. And it's hard not to notice when she looks like night of the living dead."

"Hey!" Derek said, setting his coffee cup down on the table. "That's my wife you're talking about."

Mark sat back against his chair and raised his eyebrows as if to challenge Derek. "For how much longer?" he asked.

Derek had no answer.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Four days later, Derek crept into the house, the first time he had ever felt scared coming home. He left his bags in the hallway and made his way upstairs. At the top of the stairs, he was suddenly afraid of what he would find. Empty rooms? Divorce papers?

Derek walked to Cass's room first, pushing open the door slowly. He felt his heart immediately constrict as he saw his nine year old hugging onto her pillow and Jack tightly. Hershey lay at the foot of her bed and he patted the dog, grateful to see him. "Hey, boy," Derek said softly.

He noticed a framed photo on Cass's nightstand that hadn't previously been there. It had been a photo from three years ago, when he and Meredith were required to attend a hospital benefit. Cass had claimed his tie was twisted and had Derek humored her and let her fix it. Meredith had caught the photo at a prime moment; Cass was being cute and Derek was halfway between laughing and smiling.

He looked at the photo with a smile and then Cass, her eyes pinched together tightly. Derek wondered how far he'd be willing to go if he could erase that image of him in Cass's mind.

"Cass," he whispered, his voice dry. He placed a hand on her hair, still wet and smelling like strawberries and kissed her forehead. "Sweetheart, wake up."

Cass stirred and looked at him, blinking twice. "Daddy?" she said in a voice that said she wasn't quite sure if he was really there.

That one word broke his heart. It was his job, his job to be her father and never treat her the way he had. "Hey," he said, smiling. If only he could keep his voice from quivering.

Cass sat up slowly, the blankets pooling around her. She launched herself at Derek, her arms wrapping around his neck and hugging tightly. "I missed you, Daddy," she said simply.

He hadn't cried at his mother's funeral in order to be strong for his family, but Derek wasn't so sure now. He deserved wrath and anger from her.

"I'm sorry," he said in return. _For a whole lot of things_.

Derek moved to sit on her bed, stretching out his legs and cradling her in his lap. Cass was still holding onto him tightly, unwilling to let go. "I'm sorry I yelled at you in the car, Cass," Derek said. Cass pulled away, her eyes wide and vacant.

He paused, looking for the right words. "I was sad and kind of angry. But I shouldn't have yelled at you and I'm sorry."

Cass looked at him, her eyes still vacant. "Are you still sad?" she asked.

Derek shrugged but answered truthfully. "Sometimes," he said. "But it's okay to be sad sometimes."

The silence was long and painful. "Mommy's sad all the time," Cass said eventually.

Derek felt his heart freeze. "I'm going to make sure Mommy's not sad anymore, okay Princess?" he promised.

Cass nodded slowly and he reached to the floor to present her with a paper bag. "Since you didn't have any the other day," Derek said with a smile as Cass pulled out the tub of ice cream and a spoon from the bag.

She laughed and inspected the label. "Coffee," she said, reading out the word. Derek smiled. Besides him, Cass was the only one in the family who liked coffee ice cream.

Cass opened the tub eagerly and dug her spoon in, taking a large bite. "There better be some for me when I get back," Derek warned as he kissed her forehead.

Cass looked doubtful and Derek laughed. "I love you," he reminded her.

"I love you too," Cass said softly as he closed her door, just in case things between him and Meredith got ugly.

He walked down the hallway, the sense of dread heightening with each step he took. Derek debated about knocking on the door and decided against it.

As he opened the door, he regretted his decision and wished he had knocked. "Mer?" he called, surprised at how foreign the name sounded when he said it. Derek wondered how long it had been since he had called her Mer.

If she was surprised to see him, Meredith didn't let it show. She sat up and leaned against the headboard, pushing away the pillow that she had been holding onto. To his surprise, Derek realised it had been his pillow that she had been gripping onto so tightly.

"Derek," she greeted plainly, crossing her arms. She was wearing one of his shirts, too.

He didn't know where to begin. "I was afraid about what I would find here," Derek said and immediately cringed. Out of all the things in the world to say, that ranked as one of the worst.

Meredith still didn't look shocked. "Sorry to disappoint," she said. "I didn't bring home some Fabio, if that's what you're thinking."

Derek looked to the floor, knowing she was making a reference to something he had never really forgiven himself for.

"Sorry," Meredith whispered.

Derek shrugged and sat down near the foot end of the bed. "I deserved it."

They sat holding each other's gaze and Derek finally understood what Mark was talking about. She was completely exhausted. Black shadows dominated her face and her eyes lost that twinkle he loved so much. She looked pale and Derek was sure that after three children, no one should look that thin. "I'm sorry," he said eventually.

Meredith raised her eyebrows at him. "For?"

"I was a jackass," he admitted. "I treated you like crap. You took care of me, you took care of Cass, Nate and Brett and I treated you like crap. You deserve better than that Mer, and I'm sorry."

She waited for him to continue. "I was distant. And upset and angry. And you were there, you were hovering and didn't want you to be, even though I needed you to be. I needed you, Mer. Even though I had a bad way of showing it, I needed you. But you didn't deserve any of the last six days and for that I really am sorry. You've been incredible through all of this and what I did to you was..." he paused. "I'm sorry, Mer."

She sat silently, her eyes glued at her hands folded in her lap.

Derek eased himself off the bed, turning for the door. He would giver her space until she was ready to talk about this again. "I didn't kiss her," he said suddenly. "Mark might not remember that night, but I do, and he was the one who kissed her, not me." He paused, his voice suddenly forceful and passionate. "I would never do that to you, Mer."

This got a reaction from Meredith. "Okay," she said nodding slowly.

He sighed and pulled open the door. "Mer, I love you," Derek said quietly, surprised at how long it was since he said those words. "I know I haven't said it for a while, but I love you."

As he was about to close the door, Derek heard his name from Meredith, a small desperate sound, almost as if she didn't mean to say it.

Hopeful, Derek opened the door. "Yeah?" he asked.

"Can you stay with me?" she asked quietly, looking down at her hands. "I mean you don't have to if you don't want to but-"

Derek walked to her and cut her off with a kiss. He started off slowly, running his hands through her hair and by the time they were out of breath, Derek was balanced over Meredith on their bed, her legs hooked around his.

"I love you, too," Meredith whispered back to him. Derek smiled and kissed her again and again, each time whispering to her that he was sorry, that he loved her and that he always would.

**A/N- That was definitely the longest update yet. I think this borders on too long, sorry about that! Think of it in lieu of no new Grey's this week. I hope you liked it, I wanted to try something different than the happy stuff and death is something we all have to deal with. Sorry for the return of ass-y Derek, but let's face it, we see a lot of him on the show anyhow, and if my instincts are right, he's going to be back next week... If you enjoyed/hated it, please let me know! Reviews are always so helpful! (And motivating…)**

**Thanks so much everyone!**


	11. New York State of Mind, Ten

**Disclaimer- I don't own Grey's Anatomy**

**A/N- Thanks so much for the response for the last chapter! It really does help my writing so much, thanks to everyone! Sorry about the delay on this one. I really did mean to get it up sooner, but this was one of those chapters that needed to be perfect. Or as close to, anyhow. This is the fourth rewrite, hopefully you'll enjoy it!**

**This chapter is a little different for the others, I hope you like it! Happy reading!**

Meredith whipped her feet off Derek's desk as she heard the door open. "Hey," she said sheepishly, her face slightly red.

Derek smiled as he placed his charts on his desk and moved to kiss Meredith quickly. "You looked comfortable," he commented, sitting on the edge of the desk, facing her.

Meredith smiled again. "Your chair is more comfortable than mine," she said, signing off on her chart.

Derek scanned the case briefly. "Mind if I scrub in?" he asked.

Meredith raised her eyebrows but nodded. "Sure," she said.

"So," Derek said conversationally, pulling out a folded piece of paper from his lab coat pocket. "Do you want to go to New York?"

Meredith narrowed her eyes and looked at the leaflet. "Why?" she asked eventually.

Derek smiled. "There's a conference in New York next weekend. Come with me."

Meredith bit her lip and looked through the pamphlet again. "Derek, I don't know," she said softly. "What about Cass, Nate and Brett?"

"Well, I was hoping that we could ask Lexie to take them. Just for the weekend." Derek answered.

Meredith sighed leaning back in the chair. "Derek…" she said, her voice trailing off.

Derek smirked and took her hand. "Mer, come on. You haven't taken a break from the hospital since my mother's funeral." He leaned down and captured her lips quickly, weaving his fingers through her hair. "Come with me to New York," he said, his hands now resting gently on her shoulders.

Meredith raised her eyebrows, smirking at his double meaning. "Okay," she said eventually.

"Okay?" he repeated, a question in his voice.

Meredith nodded. "Yes," she said, her voice light. "I'll go." She stood up and grasped the lapels of his coat, pulling him forward to kiss her.

Derek smiled and wrapped his arms tightly around her waist. "Thank you," he whispered to her. Meredith nodded and kissed him again quickly before grabbing her chart and pulling open the door. "I'll see you in the OR, Chief," Meredith said smirking and winking at her husband as she walked out of his office.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Derek stood at the bottom of the stairs, looking at Nate and frowning.

"Dad, why do girls take such a long time to get ready?" Nate asked looking up at him.

Derek smiled, torn between laughing and groaning. "I wish I knew, buddy," Derek answered honestly. He looked up the stairs, listening for some semblance of readiness. "Cass, Brett!" he yelled eventually, looking at his watch. "Let's go!"

He heard the two nearest doors slam first and saw Brett and Cass hurrying down the stairs, Cass carrying Brett's and her bag. "Sorry, Daddy," they said simultaneously.

Derek smiled, marvelling at how they looked so alike as they looked up at him. "Don't worry," he said, looking up the stairs for Meredith who had yet to come down.

Nate sighed, sitting on the bottom step. "I don't get girls," he muttered.

Derek looked at him sympathetically. "I still don't sometimes," he said to Nate as he walked up the stairs.

"Mer," he called, knocking on the door of their room. "We're going to be late," he said.

He heard Meredith groan and he frowned as he opened the door to reveal the complete disarray that was their room. "I don't know what I'm doing," Meredith muttered as she threw a black dress out of her suitcase.

Derek smiled at the image of his wife frantically throwing mountains clothes around. "Mer," he said walking up to her, avoiding the clothes strewn around the room. He took both her hands in his and turned her to face him. "Mer, calm down."

She dropped the dress and sighed. "Sorry," she murmured.

Derek shrugged and picked up the dress from the floor. "You should take this," he said as he placed the dress in suitcase.

Meredith sighed and sat on the bed. "I'm not so good at packing," she said, watching Derek as he picked up some of the clothes from the floor and tossed them into the suitcase.

"It's fine, Mer," he said, zipping her suitcase. He placed it on the ground and kissed her forehead quickly. "Ready to go?" he asked.

She looked around at the avalanche of clothes on the floor. "Leave them," Derek said, anticipating her worry. "We can get them when we get back."

Meredith ran her hands through her hair and nodded. "Yeah," she said. "Okay."

They walked down the stairs, smiling at their children huddled around an Ipod. "Are you ready to go?" Meredith asked, crouching down behind Brett and kissing her cheek.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"You okay?" Derek asked, taking Meredith's hand.

She sighed and nodded. "I'm fine."

Derek felt Meredith squeeze his hand tightly as the plane ascended and he squeezed back and kissed her cheek. "I love you," Derek whispered to her over the roar of the plane's engine.

He saw the knife edge of her smile. "I love you, too," she said.

In response, Derek smiled and pushed up the arm rest between them. He placed his arm around his shoulders and instantly, Meredith turned into him, molding herself perfectly against him.

Derek knew that Meredith would be less than excited about the real reason why he had asked her to come to New York with him, but as he breathed in the scent of her hair that fanned across his shirt and she snaked her arm to hug his waist, Derek couldn't help but feel that maybe, she would like New York after all.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Meredith narrowed her eyes as she looked at the entrance where the car was stopped in front. "Derek, we're at the Plaza," Meredith stated unamused, looking between her husband and the hotel.

Derek smirked and opened the car door and walked quickly around the back to open Meredith's as well. "I know," Derek said, taking Meredith's hand.

Meredith frowned and adjusted her bag on her shoulder. "Why are we at the Plaza?" she asked as they walked into the white marble lobby.

Derek shrugged. "We're staying here," he said.

He felt Meredith freeze as he tried to walk forward to the check in desks. "What?" she asked, slight panic laced in her voice. "Why?"

"Mer," he said easily, turning to her and smiling confidently. "We're in New York. We're alone. Just enjoy it, okay?"

Meredith sighed, taking in the sight of the ornate lobby. "Okay," she agreed slowly.

Meredith stood back as Derek approached the check in desk and looked at the marble pillars and dripping chandelier on the ceiling. She couldn't remember the last time that she and Derek had gone away alone together; they had gone away to their cabin last year for a couple days between Christmas and New Year's but a vacation with Cass, Nate and Brett hardly constituted as a romantic getaway.

Meredith jumped slightly as Derek placed his hand on the small of her back. "Sorry," he said, taking her hand. "Ready to go?"

Meredith nodded and led him towards the elevator bay. "This is nice," she said as Derek pressed the glass arrow.

"What is?" Derek asked as they stepped into the elevator.

"This," Meredith said gesturing between them. "New York, the Plaza, being alone. It's nice," she said.

Derek smirked, knowing that Meredith had somewhat guessed his intention for bringing her to New York in the first place. "Yeah," he agreed eventually.

Meredith suddenly turned to face Derek and pushed him against the side wall of the elevator, kissing him deeply. She felt his smile as he spun her quickly and pinned her against the wall, holding her shoulders gently. In response, she draped her arm around his neck and pulled him closer, so that there were only centimeters, millimeters of space separating them.

When the doors opened, Meredith's face was entirely red and Derek was wearing his trademark smirk.

"Don't look like that," Meredith said, looking at Derek's confident expression.

"Like what?" he asked.

"Like you've just gotten some," Meredith stated plainly as Derek held open their room door for her.

Derek shrugged as he flipped on the lights. "Well, you just kissed me," he said knowingly. "In an elevator."

Meredith's eyes widened as she looked around the room. "This isn't a normal room, is it?" she asked sceptically.

Derek smiled and stood behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close to him. "No," he whispered, trailing kisses up and down her neck. He felt her heartbeat quicken beneath his lips. "It's one of the suites."

Meredith turned and locked her arms around his neck. "You're trying to get in my pants," Meredith stated blatantly, the hint of a smirk on her lips.

Derek shrugged and slipped an arm around her waist. "Is it working?"

Meredith shrugged and raised an eyebrow slightly. "So far." She would never admit that she was willing to push him to the bed and surrender in that moment.

Derek looked over to the well lit skyline of Fifth Avenue and led Meredith towards the window. Meredith observed the fluorescent lights methodically as Derek pushed her hair over one shoulder and continued his descent on her neck, kissing his way down to her shoulders. "It doesn't seem like you," she said suddenly.

"What doesn't, Mer?" he whispered.

"This," she said gesturing across the window. "New York. I can't imagine you here," she said.

Derek leaned against her shoulder and looked to the park and the lights in front of them. "It's not me," he said eventually. "Why do you think I bought the land in Seattle? I like having the sun rise through our window and not having it obscured by buildings and I like being able to fish at three in the morning if I want to."

Meredith smiled, not needing to be told this. "I know," she said softly.

Derek laughed. "It is," he said. "Want to go for a drink?"

It didn't take a genius to figure out that the Plaza was one of New York's more expensive, more luxurious landmark hotels, and Meredith imagined that the bars and restaurants within were of the same caliber. She looked over at Derek, in attire he deemed as 'smart casual'. Meredith had personally named it 'so-sexy-I-could-jump-him-right-now' but there was no denying that if Derek wanted to run in the New York crowds, he could, and easily.

"I could get used to this," Meredith joked as she unzipped her suitcase and pulled out her black dress. She winked at him before closing the door of the bathroom softly.

He smiled and shrugged on his dinner jacket and dress shoes. He knew Meredith was put off but shows of luxury and ostentation. She liked their house in the wilderness where if she blew up the macaroni and cheese in the microwave, the neighbors wouldn't hear about it, and she liked the seclusion of their cabin in the woods, but Derek was glad that Meredith still seemed okay with New York, or was at least humoring him if nothing else.

"Are you ready?" Meredith asked as she stepped out of the bathroom, tossing her travelling clothes in a pile on top of her suitcase.

Derek did a double take when he saw his wife. She had let her hair loose from its ponytail and it now cascaded in gentle waves down her back. Her black dress exposed just enough of her legs and her chest and made him want to throw the drinks idea out the window and never leave their room. She wore little makeup, Derek could detect lip gloss and just a hint of mascara. "You look beautiful," he said simply, offering his hand to her.

Meredith reddened and took his hand. "Thanks," she said.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

The piano played softly in the background but Meredith could still hear the way Derek's voice dripped with suave and charm when he spoke to the maitre d'. She looked over his black dinner jacket and blue shirt and thought that Derek really did know how to work with fashion. The blue brought out the deep color of his eyes and the jacket gave a sophisticated, debonair look. As the maitre d' led them to their table, tucked away in a corner next to a large window, Meredith felt that on Derek's arm, she fit right into the New York crowd.

"So what's good here?" Meredith asked conversationally as she flipped through the menu of different champagnes.

"The champagne," Derek said, and Meredith rolled her eyes, telling him that she could have figured that out for herself. She heard Derek order a glass of the Henriot as she concentrated on the menu. Eventually, she ordered a glass of the Henriot as well.

The drinks arrived almost as soon as they had ordered, and Meredith felt her heart quicken as she saw the way that Derek looked at her, like he was seeing her for the first time.

He leaned forward over the small drinks table, his champagne glass held elegantly in his fingers. "Having fun?" Derek asked.

Meredith simply nodded and kissed his cheek. "It's different from everything we've ever done," she commented.

Derek nodded, knowing exactly what Meredith meant. As surgeons, wining and dining Meredith had never really been an option; the number of dates they went on before probably didn't exceed double digits. Their honeymoon was really four days off in their new house and after they had married, nights out quickly became take- out. The rare vacations they took had been trips to their cabin or beach house or to his mother's.

Derek jolted out of his thoughts as his phone rang. Meredith watched his hands as he flipped open and held his phone, the same hands that were used to save lives and hold her in the dead of night. "Cass," he said to Meredith. "Hi, Princess," he greeted, looking at his watch. "What are you still doing up?"

He could practically see his daughter's sheepish grin on the other line. "Aunt Lexie and I were watching a movie," she said.

"That's fun," Derek said. "How are your brother and sister?"

"They're already sleeping," Cass answered.

"That's good," Derek replied. "Why don't you say goodnight to Mommy and go to bed?" he suggested.

"Okay," she sighed, knowing that her bedtime was inevitable. "I miss you, Daddy," she said.

Derek smiled sadly. "I miss you too, Cass," he said quietly. "I love you."

Derek handed the phone to Meredith who eagerly accepted it. "Hi, baby girl," Meredith said, placing her empty champagne flute on the table. "Are you having fun?"

"Aunt Lexie and I just watched The Princess Bride!" Cass said excitedly.

Meredith smiled, feeling sorry for Lexie. "That sounds like fun," she said. "I miss you, Cass," she said.

"I miss you too, Mommy," she said. Cass quickly filled the silence between them. "Can you bring me back something pretty from New York?"

Meredith laughed. "Yes, I'll bring you back something pretty," she said. She checked her watch as well and calculated the time in Seattle. "Go to bed, sweetheart," Meredith said.

Cass sighed dramatically. "Okay," she said. "'Night, Mommy. I love you."

"I love you too," Meredith answered before the line switched to Lexie. "Hey," she greeted.

"Hey!" Meredith was surprised when she heard the energy still laced in Lexie's voice. "How's New York?"

Meredith instantly eyed her surroundings. "Unlike Seattle," she answered. "Thanks again for watching them."

"It's no problem. It's pretty quiet around here, anyhow." Meredith thanked her again before disconnecting the call.

Derek was smiling at her when she looked across at him. "Cass wants something pretty?" he asked, completely amused.

Meredith laughed lightly. "Doesn't she always?"

Derek looked up at the ceiling in thought. "I have an idea," he said eventually. He drank the rest of his champagne and stood up. "Ready to go?"

Meredith nodded and took his hand. Derek spoke quietly to the maitre d', telling him to charge the tab to their room bill.

"If I didn't know you better, Derek, I'd say you were made for this life," Meredith commented as they walked up the stairs, towards the elevator.

Derek shrugged. "I grew up just outside Manhattan and for eleven years after that, this city was all I knew." They walked down the hall, hand in hand towards their room. "It becomes a part of you when you're here for so long."

Meredith smiled as Derek led her into their room. "But I do know you well," Meredith whispered as she slipped off her heels.

Derek nodded, sitting in one of the armchairs around a pristine drinks table. "You do," he agreed.

Meredith smiled and unzipped her dress halfway. "I'm going to take a shower," she said.

Derek nodded and heard the jet of water turn on. He counted five minutes, all the while smirking, before he opened the door to the bathroom as quietly as he could. Through the steam covered glass walls of the shower, Derek could make out the form of his wife; her back turned towards the door. They had always been adventurous when it came to sex, some of their better memories being in supply closets, in the hot tub at the cabin, in the woods. It was strange to admit, but it was a part of who they both were.

Kicking off his shoes and letting his dinner jacket fall to the floor, Derek opened the door to the shower and pulled a shocked Meredith into his arms.

"Derek!" she exclaimed, smiling as the water drenched his hair and his dinner attire. "What are you doing?"

Derek laughed and gently pinned Meredith against the marble wall of the shower. Anticipating his want, she quickly worked the buttons in her fingers as Derek brushed his lips over every inch of her face and neck.

"This is who I am, Mer," he said to her. "You know me."

"I do," Meredith whispered as she wrapped her arms tightly around Derek's neck and he pinned her legs around his waist.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDM**

Meredith blinked twice before sitting up in the large bed and looking for Derek. She picked up the folded piece of paper on his pillow in his messy script and read through it quickly. She smiled at Derek's instructions telling her that he had gone to the conference, to spend as much as she'd like on his credit card and that he would meet her at 727 Fifth Avenue at twelve. She raised her eyebrows, wondering where that could possibly be.

She chose a pair of black jeans and a green top and a scarf before slipping Derek's credit card into her wallet safely. The fact that it was his platinum card didn't go unnoticed.

The crisp December air was biting as Meredith walked aimlessly down Manhattan's Fifth Avenue. She observed the designer names and although the promise of anything she wanted burned in her wallet, she couldn't bring herself to enter.

She felt her phone buzz in her jacket pocket and flipped out the screen, looking at her text.

_You'd better have bought something sexy when I see you- D_

Meredith blushed fiercely, looking around the street consciously. _Just you wait_, she texted back as she entered the decorated hall of Saks.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Derek smirked to himself, unwilling to admit that he was slightly worried at his wife's reaction when she realized where they were. Eventually, Derek saw Meredith approaching on the street, looking up at the numbers on the stores for 727.

Meredith walked up to him, a sheepish smile already gracing her face. "It's not all for me," she said immediately, gesturing to the several bags draped on her arms. "There was this big store with a basketball on it, and I found that jersey that Nate really wanted and Saks had these really cute shoes that Cass would love and you know those dolls that Cass and Brett play with? American Barbie or something?"

"American Girl dolls?" Derek supplied, trying to hide his smile.

Meredith eyes were bright. "Yeah! Those dolls. Well, there was a whole castle or something of those dolls and their little clothes and motorcycles...and I'm rambling," she realized suddenly.

Derek smiled and kissed her cheek, effortlessly transferring her bags into his hands. "It's fine," he said. "Although I hope there's something here for me."

Meredith rolled her eyes playfully. "There's a large pink bag that says Victoria's Secret, Derek. That's for you."

Derek laughed and Meredith looked at the display, noticing for the first time where they were. "Tiffany's?" she asked, incredulous.

Derek nodded and led her into the store. "I want to pick something out for Cass and Brett."

"Oh," Meredith said as they walked towards the elevators. It opened to the third floor where Derek led her out. "Cass did want something pretty," she remembered.

Derek smiled. "My sisters all had letters when they were younger," he said. "I thought it would be nice for Cass and Brett to have them as well."

Meredith looked into the glass displays at the silver jewelry. "Letters?" she asked as they browsed the cases.

"Yeah," Derek said, pausing and pointing at a set of necklaces with engraved letters on round silver plates. "What do you think?"

Meredith smiled widely and genuinely when she saw them, knowing that both her daughters would treasure them. "Derek, they'll love them," she said honestly.

He nodded and asked the assistant to show them the necklaces in 'B' and 'C'

She instantly saw the image of her two daughters with matching silver necklaces, playing with their dolls. Although she knew that Cass and Brett both loved her Anatomy Jane deeply, Meredith would never intentionally force it on her children and require they learn the parts of the anatomy by age six.

Meredith smiled as the necklaces were placed on a velvet board. "Are they for you?" the sales assistant asked Meredith sweetly.

Meredith slipped arm through Derek's easily and shook her head. "No, they're for our daughters," she said, examining the necklaces.

The sales assistant sighed. "How nice," she said. "These make great Christmas gifts."

Derek nodded and picked up the 'B' necklace, looking at it closely. "What do you think, Mer?" he asked.

Meredith looked between the sales assistant, Derek and the necklaces. "We'll take the 'B' and the 'C'," she said without hesitation.

Derek smiled and pulled out his wallet from his pocket and fluidly handed the sales lady his American Express.

"Oh," Meredith said, pulling out her own wallet and handing Derek back his card. "I hope I didn't max it out," she said quietly.

Derek laughed as the assistant ran his card through and wrapped the necklaces in identical turquoise boxes and white ribbons. "I don't care if you did," Derek answered.

Meredith smiled as she accepted the twin bags. "Thanks," she said. They entered the elevator, heading back down towards the ground floor.

Derek hoped that this next part would go off with little protest, although he couldn't see it happening that way. Meredith and luxury was one thing. Meredith and jewelry was a whole different story. "Come on," he said leading her through the cases of diamond jewelry.

He stopped in front of a case of platinum bands studded with diamonds. "Could I see that one?" he asked the sales assistant standing in front of them, gesturing to one of the rings.

The sales assistant nodded and placed the ring on a velvet board. "This is the Channel set ring, baguette diamonds. Very popular."

Derek smiled as he picked up the ring and handed it to Meredith. "Try it on," he said.

Meredith's eyes widened as she looked at the ring. "What? Derek, no," she said rambling her multitudes of excuses.

Derek shook his head and took Meredith's hands in his. "Mer," he interrupted swiftly, running his fingers over her wedding band. "I think the last time I gave you a piece of jewelry was when I put this ring on your finger. And that was more than ten years ago." Meredith raised her eyebrows and nodded, realizing he was right. "You're my wife and I love you, Mer," he said quietly, picking up the ring. "So, if you see something here you like, I'd like to get it for you."

Meredith debated her options back and forth in her head and eventually and held her hand towards Derek. "Fine," she sighed dramatically, unable to mask the smile on her face.

Derek smiled too and slipped the ring above her wedding band. "Do you like it?" he asked.

Meredith held out her hand, twisting it from side to side. "There are, uh, a lot of diamonds," she said nervously. Derek nodded and slipped the ring off her finger, handing it back to the assistant with his thanks.

"You know," Derek said lightly as they continued through the cases of gems. "You're the only one I know who would protest against diamonds."

Meredith shoved him lightly. "It's why you love me," she said quietly. Meredith looked through the rings, trying to find something simple with less than 18 karats, but it seemed impossible.

Derek paused over a platinum band with single diamond set in its center. "What about that one?" he asked her.

Meredith looked at the ring he was pointing at and held her hand over the glass counter. A sales assistant, anticipating her want handed her the ring. "Baguette diamond in eighteen karat white gold," the assistant said.

Derek watched her slip on the ring as she held her hand out for both of them to see. "Derek, what do you think?" Meredith asked, her voice quivering.

Derek smiled as he took her hand in his. "You could wear any ring here and it would be beautiful on you," he said honestly. "But that one looks great."

Meredith narrowed her eyes and caught the white tag swinging between her fourth and fifth finger and Derek quickly caught her hand. "The price doesn't matter, Mer," he said to her quietly. After years of working as the Chief of Surgery for one of Seattle's finest hospitals and a world-class neurosurgeon no less, money had slowly and surely started to accumulate in large sums, despite a house in the wilderness and two vacation homes.

Meredith sighed and looked at the ring again. "Do you like it?" Derek asked. She nodded, still looking slightly worried, unwilling to admit that words like eighteen karat and white gold were scaring her. Derek turned to the assistant speaking softly. "We'll take it," he said quietly.

"Derek," Meredith muttered, looking at the ring again. Sterling silver for their children was one story, but a diamond ring just for kicks was another. "I don't know," she said, uncertainty laced in her voice.

"Meredith," Derek said seriously, placing the ring on the velvet and taking both her hands. "I want to do this for you. If that ring makes you happy, and if you like wearing it, I want to get it for you," Meredith swallowed, the whole experience of being dropped in the middle of a high end diamond retailer finally sinking in. "But, if you don't, then we don't get it," he said. "Don't worry about the price." Meredith looked at the ring again biting her lip and Derek knew that he had targeted her concern. "Mer," he said again, calling her attention. She looked at him, her eyes wide. "I want you to get whatever you want. You can get a thousand diamonds or none. It's up to you. Whatever ring you want in here, it's yours."

Meredith breathed in deeply, looking at the ring again. "Okay," she said eventually.

Derek smiled and kissed her cheek. "Okay," he whispered, nodding at the assistant who presented a small blue velvet box. Derek handed over his card again without hesitation, his eyes never leaving Meredith. He picked up the box and opened it in one fluid motion, holding Meredith's left hand towards him. He felt himself smiling like an idiot as he secured the ring above her wedding band, marvelling at how beautiful it looked on her.

Meredith watched as Derek effortlessly signed off for the ring, not even taking a look at the price listed above his signature. "I love you," she whispered to him alone, taking her box and bag from the counter.

Derek smiled easily at her and kissed her temple. "I love you, too."

The winter air was biting as they left Tiffany's, but Meredith smiled at the ostentatious decorations that was New York's Fifth Avenue during the holiday season. "So," Meredith began. "How do you know rings so well?"

If she didn't know him better, Meredith could have sworn that Derek was blushing. "My sisters," he said eventually. "Growing up with them, I always had to hear about their perfect engagement rings, wedding bands." Derek shrugged as a cab pulled up to them on the curb. "I guess it stuck."

Meredith laughed as Derek held the door open for her and gave an address for downtown Manhattan.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"When you said lunch, I thought we'd be going to a fancy restaurant," Meredith said, swinging her legs back and forth on the ledge of a viewfinder. She brushed the hot dog crumbs off her fingers and reached out for a sip of Derek's coffee.

Derek shrugged, looking out onto the grey waters. "I like this more," he said simply.

Meredith took a sip of the coffee and was surprised when she tasted her favorite drink, not his. "Did you come here a lot?" she asked quietly, leaning back into him. "When you lived here?"

Derek placed his arms around his wife, letting them rest on her stomach. "As often as I could," he said. They were silent, watching the waves move the water back and forth. "Look," Derek whispered to her quietly, pointing into the distance.

Meredith squinted and laughed as she figured out why Derek had brought her here. "Ferryboats," she said out loud. "You brought me to Pier 17 to watch the ferryboats."

Derek laughed too, one that Meredith felt vibrating through his entire body. "It was my favorite place to come when I lived here," he answered, his hand stroking over the new piece of jewelry on her finger.

Meredith sighed, finally finding some semblance of the Seattle Derek who she knew so well. "It's very Derek," she said eventually.

Derek smiled, understanding her meaning completely. "This is the me you know," he said to her, dipping down to kiss her neck.

Meredith shivered at his warmth. "This is the you I know," she agreed.

Meredith counted five ferryboats crossing the water before they spoke again. "So this is why you brought to New York?" she asked quietly, squeezing his hand. "To wine and dine me at the Plaza and buy me jewelry and watch the ferryboats?" she was laughing even before she finished talking.

Derek shrugged. "I can't remember when we've ever done this, Mer. I've never really taken you to fancy restaurants and hotels or bought you diamonds." Before she could protest that she didn't need high class dining or diamonds, he silenced her with a kiss. "I know, it's not us," Derek continued. "But I wanted to do it for you just the same."

Meredith's head swam as her heart raced from what Derek had said to her. She shook her head incredulously at the fact that even after eleven years of being married to him, Derek could still make her heart race and her head spin. "This is us," Meredith offered, gesturing to the water in front of them.

Derek was faintly aware of the sky darkening as he unravelled his scarf from his neck and placed it around Meredith's neck. "We should go," Meredith eventually said as they watched the Brooklyn Bridge light up. "We'll be late for dinner."

Derek sighed as he stood up and took Meredith's hand, taking one last glace at the bridge and ferryboats before leading them back to the street.

"Thank you," Meredith said suddenly as Derek hailed a cab.

He turned to her, a question in his eyes. "For what?"

"This. New York, the Plaza, Tiffany's, ferryboats." Meredith was acutely aware that she was rambling. "Thank you, Derek. I know it's not us and that I've probably drained your bank account and-"

"Mer-" Derek interrupted, holding open the taxi door. "For once in our lives, people aren't dying in front of us, we're not being paged in at three am and it's just you and me." He shrugged and followed Meredith into the taxi. "You deserve this, Mer."

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"Derek," Meredith groaned as she felt him kissing his way up and down her neck.

"What?" Derek murmured, turning her towards him.

"It's early," she muttered.

Derek smiled as he pulled Meredith over him. "It's ten in the morning," he said.

At this, Meredith's eyes shot open. "What? Really?"

Derek nodded and brought her down to kiss him again. "I ordered breakfast. It should be here soon," he said.

Meredith smiled and pushed his dark hair away from his face. "So you're looking for something to do in the meantime?"

Derek smirked at her double meaning and pinned Meredith beneath him. "Maybe," he said.

Meredith laughed and locked her arms around his neck. "You have a one-track mind, Derek," she murmured to him.

Derek silenced her with a kiss, slowly running his right hand down her leg and securing it around his waist. "Only with you," he promised.

"Derek," Meredith breathed, trying to ignore his hands working their way under her shirt. "We shouldn't."

Derek pushed up the thin cotton and moved to kiss the exposed skin. "Why not?"

"Because," she began, playing with the hem of his shirt. "We need to pack and you ordered breakfast and if the-"

Derek rolled his eyes. "Stop," he whispered to her. "And just go with it."

She felt Derek's hands move to the waistband of her sweatpants and he expertly pushed them over her hips. "Be flexible, right?' she murmured eventually.

Derek laughed quietly and helped her slip her tee shirt off. "Exactly," he said, brushing his lips across her neckline.

Meredith moaned at his touch. "God, I love you," she whispered, twisting her legs around his.

Derek smiled, knowing that he would never tire of hearing those words from her. "I love you too, Mer."

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"So," Meredith began, twirling her coffee cup in her hands. "Did you ever take anyone on one of those boats?" she asked, gesturing to the rowboats crossing underneath the bridge.

Derek leaned against edge of the bridge and looked down at his shoes, unable to meet Meredith's eyes. "Uh," he began, trailing off, knowing that lectures of just how cheesy he was were imminent.

Meredith laughed and stood beside him on the bridge. "I knew it. You so did."

Derek smirked. "It was one date and it never happened again."

Meredith laughed again, one that was completely carefree and peaceful that made Derek laugh as well.

Meredith sighed and moved closer to him, pulling his arm around her shoulders. "This has been incredible, Derek," she said to him softly.

He kissed her temple lightly in response. "It has," he agreed. "Thank you for coming."

Meredith looked up at him in shock. "I should be thanking you," she said eventually. "You've treated me like a queen or a princess or whatever and its been amazing."

Derek squeezed her shoulders. "I meant what I said, Mer. You deserved this."

She kissed him quickly and looked at the watch on his wrist. "Ready to go home?" she asked.

He smiled, thinking immediately of his son and daughters waiting for them in Seattle. "Yeah," he said quietly, taking Meredith's hand and walking back in the direction of the hotel, leaving New York behind.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"Mommy! Daddy!"

Meredith and Derek turned to see Brett running down the stairs them followed by Cass and Nate. Already, Nate's stride ate up both Cass and Brett's.

Derek smiled and swung Brett into his arms, balancing her expertly on his hip. "Hi, sweetheart," Derek said to her softly, straightening out her wild curls. "Did you miss me?"

Brett nodded and wrapped her arms tightly around Derek's neck. "I missed you _this_ much, Daddy," she said, spanning her arms as wide as she could.

"Really?" Derek asked. "I missed you twice as much as that."

Meredith smiled at their interaction and hugged both Cass and Nate tightly when they reached the bottom of the staircase. "What about me?" Meredith asked. "Did you miss me?"

Cass nodded seriously and told Meredith that she most definitely did.

"Hey Dad," Nate said, standing in front of Derek, his Sonics hat proudly on his head. "The Knicks lost!"

Derek smiled, and pretended to look offended. As hard as he had tried, the only New York team he had gotten his children to follow was the Yankees, much to Meredith's dismay. "The Knicks still rule," Derek argued back, humoring Nate. If the Sonics win could bring out that smile and enthusiasm in his son, he could only hope that they would win more this season.

Derek smiled as he saw Lexie watching them in the living room doorway. "Why don't you guys go say thank you to Aunt Lexie?" he suggested, placing Brett on her feet.

Cass, Nate and Brett took off running towards Lexie and Meredith and Derek both smiled as Lexie hugged each of them individually.

They ran to the car with their overnight bags on their shoulders. "Ready to go?" Meredith asked, holding open their car door.

Cass, Nate and Brett nodded and as they pulled away from Lexie's house, the energy in the car slowly dwindled; dropping into sheer silence as they turned onto the road leading up to their house.

"Cass," Meredith whispered when she assumed that Cass was the only one left still awake.

Derek lifted his eyes to the rearview mirror. "They're sleeping, Mer," he said.

Meredith sighed. "This is perfect."

Derek took her hand. "What is, Mer?"

"This. You and me. Them. Our lives."

Derek smiled and looked at Cass, Nate and Brett sleeping on each others shoulders, perfect miniatures of him and Meredith.

"I love you so much, Mer," he whispered to her.

Meredith smiled and squeezed his hand. "I love you too, Derek."

As they approached their house, one that they had built together more than eleven years ago, Meredith and Derek both smiled. They had three perfect children, a perfect house, and as far as they were concerned, in that moment, their lives were perfect, too.

**A/N- So after eleven years of marriage, I thought Meredith and Derek deserved a weekend getaway. I took them to Manhattan because I wanted to show the New York side of Derek that we never really see much on the show. Derek and Meredith never really go about anything in the conventional way, which is why I wanted to write this perfect, couple-y, normal getaway. I also hope the rating is alright for this story; I don't think I'll ever be able to bring myself to write a full fledged sex scene (I'm working on it though, maybe when I'm older) but if anyone feels like the rating should be changed, please let me know. For me, this chapter was about discovering the other sides of the characters we haven't seen yet, and also to address some of the issues that maybe won't even go away after eleven years of marriage, like Meredith's rambling. In the end, what I wanted to show is that despite the people who they were, they are still Derek and Meredith.**

**So I hope you enjoyed it! Writing MerDer romance/fluffiness was so much fun. Thanks again, and please review if you have anything to say. I really appreciate it. Sorry for the long author's note!**

**Thanks again and to everyone, have very happy holidays and a wonderful New Year!**


	12. Let the Games Begin, Eleven

**Disclaimer- I couldn't conjure up the intensity that looks like the next episode.**

**A/N- There really isn't an legitimate excuse for not updating for this long but I'm so very sorry. I've just really wanted to get this chapter right and I think I've rewritten it about five or six different times. I'm still not completely satisfied with this chapter, but at this point, I don't know if I'll ever be. **

**Thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews and to all you lovely people who left suggestions and tips, they have most definitely been taken into consideration.**

**Just a recap- Cass is 11, Nate is 7 and Brett is 4. Thank you all for your patience and your constant support, you make writing this story such a joy even when it is difficult. I hope you like this chapter!**

**MDMDMDMDMDMDDMDMDMDMDMMDMDMDMDMDMD**

The rain was pouring once again, drumming down loudly on the car. In the backseat, Nate and Brett had their father's Ipod split between them.

"Why is Cass playing in the rain?" Nate asked, running his hand over the condensation on the windows.

Derek looked out the window at Cass sprinting across the field, her soaked ponytail bouncing on her back and he smiled. He saw Cass turn towards the car and wave briefly before turning her attention back towards the ball at her feet.

Derek watched as Cass dribbled the ball around the two defenders and kick it easily into the goal before the whistle was blown. The team huddled around in a circle as the coach spoke to them and when they were dismissed, the girls ran, swinging their bags in their arms towards their parents' cars. Cass, however, walked towards the car calmly.

"Ew, Cass, you're all wet," Brett said as Cass slid into the front seat.

"I know," Cass panted. "I don't care. The first game of the playoffs is tomorrow."

Derek started the car and continued back towards the house. "That was a nice goal you scored," Derek commented.

Cass didn't try to hide her smile. "I scored three goals today. Coach said that I could start tomorrow."

"Really?" Derek asked. He wasn't at all surprised, Cass was the best on team and it wasn't just his bias speaking.

"Yeah," Cass said. "Are you coming tomorrow?"

Derek smiled at her. "I'll be there," he promised. "But Mommy won't be able to come."

Cass sighed. "I know," she said. "But you're going to be there, Daddy?"

"I promise I'll be there, sweetheart." Derek said.

"I'm going," Nate chimed in from the back.

"And me," Brett said.

Cass turned back to Nate and Brett and smiled, even though she was dripping from head to toe. "Thanks," Cass said softly.

Cass turned back so that she was facing front and exchanged her muddy cleats for flip flops. Derek could practically feel the pride emitting from his daughter.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Derek was exhausted; after a night shift at the hospital and back to back surgeries in the morning, he was ready to collapse. But the important thing was that he was here for Cass's game.

"Hey," Derek said as he sat down beside Nate and Brett. "How was school?"

"Good," Nate and Brett said simultaneously.

Derek leaned forward on the bleachers when the whistle blew and picked out Cass with the number eleven and 'Shepherd' stamped across the back of her jersey.

As the ball was thrown into play, the crowd was on their feet. Almost instantly, Cass had manoeuvred her through the players to the ball and take it under her control. Derek could hear the crowds yelling Cass's name.

Derek noticed that Cass's attention never wavered from the ball in front of her. He and Meredith never imposed medicine on any of their children but he couldn't help but feel that Cass would make a wonderful doctor one day; focused and driven.

He could hear Brett and Nate shouting Cass's name as she neared the goal and Cass's pace increased as she tapped the ball with her foot and chased after it.

And almost as fast as she was running, Derek watched a girl with a blue jersey, almost a head taller than Cass shove her in the back. Cass instantly fell over the ball at her feet and crashed into the goal post. The crowd silenced as the players and coaches from both teams surrounded Cass, and when she didn't stand up, Derek knew something was really wrong.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"Stay here," Derek said, trying to keep his voice as level as possible so as to not scare Brett and Nate. Derek pushed his way through the masses of parents all standing up to see what happened to Cass.

"Excuse me," Derek said, trying to get through the coaches huddled around Cass.

"Sir, you can't be here, we've got this-"

"I'm her father," Derek interrupted, kneeling down in front of Cass. "Cass, what hurts?" he asked, looking for any immediate signs of concussion or blood.

Cass was crying loudly and Derek could hear the whispers of the coaches and players around them. "My- my leg," Cass sobbed, burying her face into her jersey.

"Cass, sweetheart, listen to me," Derek said, quickly brushing Cass's hair away from her wet face. He had never heard Cass cry the way she was crying now as she rocked on the ground holding her leg.

Cass shook her head no and continued to cry, harder.

"Cass," Derek repeated, tipping her face up so that she had no choice but to look at him. "This is very important. I need to see what's wrong with your leg before I can fix it. Can you let me look at your leg?"

Cass nodded slowly through her tears and began to move her hand away from her leg before grasping back onto it tightly and shaking her head again.

Derek sighed. "Here," he said, holding his hand out to Cass. "Squeeze my hand so I can feel it too, okay?"

Slowly, Cass moved her hand off her leg and grabbed onto her father's hand. Derek breathed a sigh of relief when he saw no immediate bone break, and as he gave the once over to her swollen leg, Derek diagnosed it as fracture.

_Screw protocol_, he thought. _She's my daughter_. "I'm going to carry you to the car, okay sweetheart? We'll go to the hospital and I promise I'll fix your leg."

Cass latched her arms tightly around Derek's neck and as he lifted her, she began to cry louder and squeezed his neck tightly. He had broken his nose once, thanks to Mark, along with his leg and a couple of ribs thanks to his motorcycle back in the day. He had dealt with the pain just fine but the thought of his daughter in that much pain made him physically sick.

"Sir, what are you doing?" the coach asked Derek.

If he hadn't been holding Cass in his arms, Derek would have punched the coach, thrown his many medical awards and licenses in his face. "I need to get her to a hospital," Derek responded in a voice that told the coach he knew best.

"Sir, we have a qualified nurse right here," he said gesturing to the aging woman behind him and we can call and ambulance if you'd like but.-"

"Look," Derek said harshly, cradling Cass closer to him. "I am the chief of surgery at Seattle Grace Hospital and I am qualified enough to set my daughter's leg in the field. She's in pain and by the time the ambulance gets here…" Derek trailed off, not wanting to think about the end of the sentence. "I don't care about your protocol. I'm getting her to a hospital."

He turned quickly and walked back to the bleachers where Nate and Brett were already waiting for him with Cass's bag. "Is Cass okay?" Nate asked quietly.

Derek attempted a smile at his son and daughter, knowing that telling them Cass was fine would just be empty words. "She'll be okay," he said eventually, leading them across the field into the parking lot.

Nate and Brett quickly opened the back doors of the car and Nate threw Cass's bag in the back. Derek gently placed Cass on the back seat and helped her adjust her seatbelt.

"Daddy," Cass whispered as Derek clicked her seatbelt. "Can you make it better?"

Derek made sure Cass was looking him square in the eye before answering. "I promise that I'll make it better."

Cass nodded slowly. "Okay," she said quietly and to Derek's amazement, her crying ceased just slightly.

Derek checked Brett's seatbelt quickly before closing the back door. "Nate, come sit in front with me."

Nate's eyes widened, knowing that getting to sit in the front seat was a special privilege.

"Nate, call your Mom and put the phone on speaker please," Derek said, pulling his phone out of his pocket as he reversed out of the parking space.

The car was quiet, save for Cass's soft cries and hiccups.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Meredith drummed her fingers on the countertop of the station and with each passing breath, she felt as though her heart was going to pop out of its cavity. About ten minutes ago, Derek had called telling her to try to clear CT and that everything was fine, but the voices on top of voices and the crying, most of all, convinced her otherwise.

Meredith identified Cass's cries before the ER doors were thrown open. "You told me everything was fine," Meredith accused running up to Cass's side, trying to find the injury.

"I didn't want to worry her," Derek said quietly to Meredith. He placed Cass on the gurney nearest to him and unlocked her loose grip around his neck. "I think it's a fracture, but I can't be sure until I get the CT," he said.

"How does this happen at an eleven year old's soccer game?" Meredith asked frantically. Instead of arguing the fact that the ER was filled with kids and teenaged sports injuries daily, Derek shrugged.

"I couldn't see much from where we were sitting but it looked like someone pushed her over the ball and she crashed into one of the goalposts." By this time, they had reached the elevator bays and as the elevators on the left and right side simultaneously opened, Derek asked Meredith to take Nate and Brett up to his office and meet him down in CT.

It was the time of day, in Derek's opinion, that held the least amount of emergent cases. It was too late for lunch time injuries and still a little early for rush hour and the stillness and silence of the hallways only proved his theory.

"Daddy?" Cass called. Her voice sounded loud in the silence. "Can I still play soccer?"

At the question, Derek had almost stopped pushing the gurney along, but he continued to force one foot in front of the other. He had broken news a hundred, a thousand times worse than this to his patients before but right now, this was Cass's world. If he told her she couldn't play, he would shatter that completely. "Let's wait and see, sweetheart," Derek said eventually.

CT had already been cleared and as they prepped Cass for the scans, Meredith approached, running. "Where is she?" she asked immediately. "Is she okay? What's taking so long?"

Derek reached for Meredith's hand and grasped it firmly in his. "She's getting the CT scan and she's fine."

"How do we…" Meredith began and trailed off. Derek knew the question that was hanging in the air but it wasn't one he wanted to think about. "How do we tell her that her season is over?"

He'd done this thousands of times before, but when it came to his own daughter, he was lost. Be detached, lay out the problem, seem sympathetic but don't get involved. "Like any other patient," Derek said eventually. "We'll tell her like we'd tell any other patient."

Meredith shook her head and locked her eyes on his. "She's not just another patient, Derek. She's your daughter. It's not the same."

Derek looked to the floor, stretching out the muscles in the back of his neck; he wouldn't know it looking at her but Cass had a strong grip. "I know," he said eventually.

Cass was wheeled out of CT and the scans were handed to Meredith who tore at the like an unopened Christmas present. "It's a greenstick fracture," Meredith said the minute she held the scan up to the light. Derek sighed. He knew it would be something of that sort but he couldn't help but pray it was something much simpler than that.

"Daddy," Cass called from her gurney, her voice still thick with tears. Derek and Meredith were instantly at her side as the gurney was pushed along to an exam room.

"What's up, sweetheart?" Derek asked, taking Cass's hand in his own.

"Daddy can you fix my leg?" she asked again. Derek looked to Meredith before shaking his head.

"Cass, I don't think that's a good idea. Daddy isn't really good at fixing bones." Meredith said slowly.

Cass shook her head. "No, Daddy!" Cass's cries escalated as the gurney was pushed towards the exam room. "I want you to fix my leg."

Derek looked at Meredith on the other side of the gurney. "Okay," Derek agreed. "I'll fix your leg." He tried to ignore Meredith scrutinizing gaze.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

For close to an hour, Derek had been watching Cass sleep. He didn't understand how other parents did it; how they could leave their child sleeping alone in a room and know that they would be okay through the night.

"How is she?" Meredith asked softly, kneeling at the other side of Cass's bed and brushing the stray strands of hair away from her face.

"She's fine. Her leg will heal in four to six weeks and after that, it will be like it never happened."

"But?" Meredith asked. Derek smiled; he wasn't sure who else would have sensed his continuation.

"But she'll miss the rest of the season, the season that she's been training for every day." Derek shook his head, racking his brains for a solution "There has to be something more I can do for her."

Meredith sighed and looked towards Cass's casted leg, propped up on two throw pillows. "There's nothing more we can do," she said softly. "These things just take time."

Derek brushed a hand over his eyes and shook his head. He couldn't remember the last time he slept. "I could have done something," Derek said slowly.

"You couldn't have done anything. Kids push kids, that's the way they play and Cass was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Derek," Meredith said, waiting until his attention was fully on her. "This wasn't your fault."

A loud, hacking cough cut through Derek and Meredith's conversation and their attention was instantly diverted to Cass. "When did we come home?" she asked quietly.

Meredith smiled and moved to sit on the edge of Cass's bed. "A couple hours ago. Are you hungry?"

Cass nodded slowly. "Is there any macaroni left from last night?"

Meredith nodded and kissed her forehead, grateful that Cass hadn't requested something more complicated like lobster or kung pow chicken. "I'll go get it for you," she said quietly, leaving the room.

Cass looked to her leg on the pillows. "It feels weird," she commented lightly, tapping her fingers on the plaster of the cast. Derek attempted a smile. "So when can I play soccer again?"

There was nothing left to do but to answer the question. "Cass," Derek began slowly, trying to translate all the medical terms into eleven year old talk. "You won't be able to play soccer again until after the season is over."

He watched the expressions on Cass's face change from happy to confused to angry back to confused. "But my leg doesn't hurt so much anymore. I can play because you fixed my leg, Daddy."

"Sweetheart, your leg won't be perfectly fixed until you've worn the cast for six weeks."

The metaphorical lightbulb switched on automatically and Derek watched as the confused expression Cass was wearing turn into one of anger. "I won't be able to play in the playoffs," she said.

"I'm sorry, Princess," Derek said. Cass shook her head at him, her eyes glossing over.

"You said that you could fix my leg. You promised you could fix my leg, Daddy. You promised." It broke Derek's heart to hear the accusation in Cass's voice and to see the clear tears spill over once again.

In a medical sense, he had fixed her leg and very well for a neurosurgeon who could count the number of bones he had set in the last decade on his hand. But as Cass turned away from him and nestled herself under her blankets, Derek felt as though he had broken his promise to her in every which way.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"What's wrong?" Meredith mumbled, half asleep.

"Nothing," Derek answered back automatically. He was glad for the dark; if Meredith could see the expression on his face, it would have been a dead giveaway.

"I can hear you thinking," she said, somewhat indistinctly.

"That's impossible." In questions such as this, it was easiest to find the loophole out, although Meredith often caught him in the act.

"Derek, seriously. What's wrong?" Meredith turned in his embrace so that she was facing him in the darkness.

He sighed. "I promised Cass that I would fix her leg. In the car. And medically, I did. But that doesn't change the fact that she still won't be playing when it comes time for the game."

Meredith reached for his hand. "That was all you could have possibly done for her, Derek. You can't magically heal the fracture in her leg, you can't travel through time and stop the accident from happening."

"Mer, I'm a doctor. I'm supposed to fix things but I can't fix this. I can crack open a skull and clip and aneurysm but when it comes down to it, I can't fix this for Cass." Derek turned so that he was lying flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling. The color they had chosen for their room was an off white, but with the way the lighting streaks had been occurring lately, it may as well have been purple.

"You did fix her leg," Meredith said. "Medically, you fixed Cass's leg. You're not God, Derek. There's only so much that you can do before there's nothing else to do."

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"Cass! Breakfast!" Derek was sure he had shouted the same thing three minutes ago and before that, another five minutes ago. It was time that he couldn't afford to be wasted; Meredith had already gone ahead to see to the morning rounds but he needed to be on time for his first consult, which did not look like it was going to happen.

"I was coming," Cass muttered, propping her crutches sloppily on the side of the table. "The stairs are really hard."

"Sorry," Derek said immediately, handing her the box of Lucky Charms. He had forgot about the fact that moving down stairs, or anywhere for that matter with crutches, multiplied the time dramatically. Cass shrugged, looking in the vast emptiness that was her cereal bowl. "How are you feeling about school today?" Derek asked, placing the milk carton in front of Cass. In the living room, Nate and Brett's laughs echoed to them from the cartoons and Cass scowled in the direction.

"Not good," she said. Derek sighed. All weekend long, it had been attitude and tears and anger, followed by even more attitude.

"Well, you seem to be better on your crutches," Derek complimented.

"They hurt my arms," Cass rebuffed quickly. Suddenly, her voice turned sweet and the tone raised in pitch. "Daddy, I don't think I can go to school."

Derek had expected this all weekend, but was still nonetheless, slightly surprised when he heard it. Cass had always loved school, no matter how she was feeling or how early she had to get up. In that respect, she had been an easy child. "Why's that?" Derek asked.

"'Cause I'm really slow on my crutches and I'll be late to class because I won't be able to make it up the stairs on time."

Derek pinched the milk carton shut and placed it back in the fridge next to the orange juice. "Don't you think that's a little overdramatic, sweetheart?" The death glare that Cass shot him said that, no, in fact she did not.

"Daddy, please don't make me go," she said. On cue, her eyes became glossy again.

In theory, it might be a smart idea for Cass to go with him to the hospital instead. She could practice using her crutches in his office and in the hallway with her crutches and there wouldn't be mobs of school kids trying to get to class and accidentally knocking her over. "Fine," Derek agreed. "But hurry up because Nate and Brett still need to get to school."

Derek tried to ignore the little triumphant smirk that Cass wore, one that very much resembled Meredith's when she coerced him into giving her a surgery or ordering pizza for dinner instead of cooking something.

He ushered Brett and Nate towards the door while Cass chased her soggy cereal around in its bowl before pushing it away from her before having taken a single bite. Derek knew where this was headed; an hour from now Cass would complain that she was starving, refuse to eat the hospital food and wind up with a slew of different chips and candy instead.

"Are you going to get people to sign your cast?" Nate asked, examining the white, clean plaster.

Cass shrugged. "I don't know yet," she said sadly. Derek sighed, the attitude and the hostility he had been receiving seemed to be reserved for him alone.

"Can I sign it?" Brett asked. Through the rearveiw mirror, Derek saw the smallest of smiles crack across Cass's face and even though it was for a brief period of time, it made him smile too.

"Sure," Cass said easily. "You can use my sharpies when we get home."

The quickly decreasing number of cars in front of the school told Derek that they were probably a little late. "Mommy will pick you up later," Derek reminded Nate and Brett as they opened the car door.

"Cass, you're not coming?" Nate asked.

Cass shook her head. "I can't walk, remember?"

Nate shrugged. "Feel better." He slammed the door and Derek instantly felt the hostility in the car grow.

The rest of the car ride was silent. The parking lot was already full and Derek was forced to park nearer the back than the front. Cass placed her crutches outside the car first before balancing on them to help herself out of the car.

"Do you want me to carry you?" Derek asked. He watched Cass's frustration pan out before nodding. He kneeled so that Cass could easily climb onto his back. Her arms wrapped tightly around his neck and Derek made sure to hold her under her knees to minimize any pain. Cass draped her crutches over her shoulders as Derek carried her into the hospital. Derek could feel all eyes on him as he and Cass made their way towards his office.

"Derek," Meredith called, running up to him with three charts in her arms. "The Wards have been waiting for over half an hour- Cass what are you doing here?"

Derek gave Meredith a look that told her not to continue her questions and took the chart from her. "Can you take Cass to my office, please?" he said instead. Derek took Cass' crutches from her and placed her on the ground. He saw Meredith narrow her eyes at him.

"Yeah," Meredith said eventually.

Derek adjusted his bag on his shoulder and kissed Cass's forehead quickly. "I'll see you later, sweetheart."

Derek tried to ignore the sting he felt as Meredith and Cass walked away without a word.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"Cass is spinning circles in your office," Meredith said softly.

Derek turned and saw Meredith at his side; he hadn't even heard her approaching. "She's alone?" he asked.

"One of the nurses is watching her. I left the door open." Derek nodded as Meredith raised the light on the scanner.

"Are you going in?" Meredith asked, observing the scans.

"Yeah," Derek said. "Surgery is scheduled for one. Scrub in with me?" He nudged Meredith slightly.

She smiled and stepped closer to the scans. "Okay," Meredith agreed. While Meredith's eyes were concentrated on the scan of the brain in front of them, Derek was concentrated on her.

"Derek," Meredith breathed as he kissed his way around her neck. "What are you doing?"

Derek smiled. "This," he said quietly, kissing his way up to her mouth and capturing her lips. Meredith sighed as she wrapped herself as close to Derek as possible and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck.

"On call room?" Meredith whispered breathlessly, looking towards the door. Derek smirked and lead Meredith towards the door just as a pager went off.

"Seriously?" Derek muttered as he shot a death glare to the pager.

Meredith sighed and kissed Derek quickly. "I'll page you later," she said before walking off, throwing in a wink for good measure.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Meredith sent Derek a look that told him to say something as Cass pushed her chicken around her plate, a sulk evident on her face.

"Are you excited for the game tomorrow?" Derek asked Cass conversationally.

Cass narrowed her eyes. "What game? I'm not going."

Meredith gave Derek another look before calmly placing her fork on the side of her plate. "You don't want to go to the game?" Meredith asked.

Cass shook her head. "I don't want to go if I can't play."

Meredith sighed. "Don't you think that you should go anyhow so that you can support your team?"

Cass shook her head. "I don't want to," she said. Cass stood up slowly and pushed her plate away from her. "I'm done," she muttered before walking off.

The rest of dinner was spent skirting around the topic of the upcoming games and when Nate and Brett excused themselves from dinner, Meredith turned to Derek. "Is it going to be this way for the rest of the season?" she asked quietly.

Derek stood up to clear the plates. "I'll talk to her," he said.

"Go ahead," Meredith offered, taking the rest of the plates to the kitchen. "I can clean up."

"You're sure?" Derek asked.

"I'm sure," Meredith answered.

Derek walked up to the bedrooms and sighed when he saw that Cass's door was the only one closed. "Cass," Derek called as he knocked on her door. "Can I come in?" Derek knocked twice more before opening the door.

"I didn't say anything," Cass said from beneath her blankets. Derek sat on the edge of Cass's bed and waited for her to emerge from her duvet. Eventually, Cass pulled the duvet off her face and Derek could see that her eyes and nose were both red.

"Don't you think you should go to the game tomorrow?" Derek asked, brushing the curls caught in Cass's tear tracks off her face.

Cass shook her head. "It's too hard," she muttered, turning away from Derek. Meredith quietly entered the room and sat on the other side of Cass's bed.

"I know it's hard," Meredith said. "But don't you think that you should go for your team?"

It was the breaking point for Cass and she collapsed onto Meredith, holding onto her tightly. "I can't do it, Mommy. I don't want to. Please don't make me." By this time, Cass was openly crying, her body shaking from her sobs. Derek looked away from the scene, feeling guilty for having brought up the subject and consequently, the tears.

"You don't have to go," Derek said, stroking Cass's hair. "It's okay."

Cass nodded, burying her face further into Meredith's hair as her sobs subsided. "Thank you," she whispered and even though Derek still felt that Cass had an obligation to her team, he couldn't help but feel he also did something right.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"I know you're not actually reading that," Meredith said as she slid into bed beside him. Derek shut the neurology magazine on his lap and set it on the bedside table.

"I'm not," he agreed. Meredith ran her arm across Derek's shoulders and kneaded her fingers into his back. She sighed.

"Lie down," Meredith commanded, pulling down the pillow that Derek had propped against the headboard. Derek didn't question his wife's motives as he lay down and Meredith straddled his back, working her hands up and down his back. "Better?" Meredith asked.

"You're incredible," Derek said in response.

"What's wrong with you?" Meredith asked quietly. Derek sighed and savored the feeling as Meredith kneaded her long fingers into a particularly tense spot.

"Nothing," he answered. It was the most automatic response and even Derek didn't buy it as he heard his own words.

"Derek," Meredith started. Her tone was the only thing that Derek needed to start talking.

"She blames me," Derek said. "I shouldn't have promised her I could fix her leg. It was false hope."

Meredith's hands moved up to his shoulders. "She's just upset right now. You need to stop blaming yourself."

Derek shook his head. "I shouldn't have said it," he said eventually.

"It'll take some time for it to be okay. But it will be," Meredith answered. She leaned closer to Derek. "I promise," she whispered huskily, dropping her voice low and skillfully manipulating the syllables.

Derek smiled and grabbed Meredith by her arm and rolled so that now, she was pinned beneath him. "You promise?" he asked her, his own voice raw with desire as he kissed around her neck, jawline and cheeks, untying the drawstring on her sweatpants as he did so.

Meredith nodded and leaned up to kiss him, determined to make Derek forget whatever it was that was haunting him so badly. "I do," she whispered, before sealing her mouth over his once again.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

Derek sat with his hands griping the wheel in front of him, dreading to meet with the hostility that was waiting for him in the house. As the weeks passed, Cass's mood worsened and Derek found that as much as he wanted to, he couldn't bring himself to say anything to her.

Eventually, Derek got out of the car and walked slowly up the pathway to the house. Meredith opened the door for him even before he walked up the porch steps, carrying Brett in her arms. "Hey," Derek said, kissing Meredith quickly and transferring Brett into his arms.

"Hi, Daddy," Brett said, resting her head on Derek's shoulder. "I missed you."

Derek smiled and realized he couldn't remember the last time any one of his children had said that to him. "I missed you too, sweetheart," he said, kissing her forehead.

Meredith caught his gaze and looked towards the stairs. "She's upstairs and won't come down for dinner," she said.

Derek sighed. "I'll get her." He walked towards the stairs, savoring the weight of Brett's head heavy on his shoulder.

"Cass," he called as tapped on the door. "Can you please come down for dinner?"

"No!" Cass said sharply.

Derek groaned and leaned against the wall. "Daddy?" Brett said softly. "What's wrong with Cass?"

Derek tucked Brett's blonde hair behind her ears and shrugged. "I don't know. I think Cass is just really sad now."

Brett squeezed her arms around Derek's neck tightly. "I don't like it when Cass is sad," Brett said softly.

Derek nodded. "I don't either, munchkin." Derek tried calling Cass one more time before walking back downstairs for dinner. At the table, Nate was sitting with his fork and knife ready in both hands and Meredith placed the lasagna and the salad bowl on the table.

"She won't come down," Meredith guessed as she took her place beside Derek at the table.

Derek shrugged. "I tried, Mer." Derek scooped out the lasagna for Brett, Nate and Meredith before sighing. "I hope this ends after tomorrow," he said, but somehow both Meredith and Derek didn't believe that after the championship game tomorrow, nothing would really be different.

Meredith slowly speared a piece of lasagna and chewed thoughtfully. "I'll talk to her after dinner," she offered.

Derek nodded and turned his attention to Nate. "How was school?" he asked.

Nate shrugged. "It was okay. People keep asking me about Cass."

Derek placed his fork on his plate. "What are they asking you?"

Nathan shrugged. "Nothing bad. They just want to know if she's playing in the game tomorrow."

Derek looked at Meredith who shook her head. No wonder Cass was in a worse mood than usual with questions and rumors circling the school. "What did you tell them?" Meredith asked.

Nate pushed his salad around on his plate. "I told them Cass wasn't playing and they shouldn't ask her about it."

Derek nodded. "That was the right thing to say, Nate," he said.

"Is Cass going to the game?" Nate asked. "Because Robby and Dylan are going and I want to go too."

Meredith smiled. "Nate, you can still go to the game even if Cass isn't there."

Nate looked down at his plate. "I know. I just feel bad because Cass isn't going."

Derek looked to Meredith. "She's not going tomorrow?" he asked. Meredith shrugged.

"She should go," Meredith said. "Broken leg or not."

After dinner, Derek offered to clear the plates and Meredith went to talk to Cass. Instead of asking to enter the room, Meredith simply knocked and opened the door. "Cass, honey. Can I talk to you?"

Cass whipped the blankets off her face but didn't say anything. "Cass," Meredith began, sitting on the side of the bed. "Don't you want to come downstairs and eat?" Cass slowly shook her head no as Derek entered the room. "Well, don't you think you should go to the game tomorrow?" Meredith tried again.

"No," Cass said. "I don't want to go if I can't play. And I can't play because of my stupid broken leg." Derek looked away from Cass lying helplessly on the bed and he could feel Meredith's eyes on him.

Meredith sighed. For the past couple weeks, Cass had been taking deliberate hits at Derek every chance she got and Meredith knew it was wearing on him. "I need to go back to the hospital," Derek said quietly, looking at his phone. "There was a five car pile up near the highway."

"Okay," Meredith said as Derek walked around to her and kissed her. "Will you be home later?"

Derek looked at his phone again and shook his head. "I don't know, Mer. I'll call you later," he promised.

Meredith nodded. "I love you," she said to him softly. Meredith saw Derek smile slightly and she was glad that she was able to do that much for him before he left for the night.

"I love you, too," Derek said. He looked at Cass who was doing her best to ignore him. "I love you, Cass."

Both Meredith and Derek weren't surprised when Cass didn't respond. "Bye," Derek said, kissing Meredith once more and walking out of the room.

"Cass," Meredith said, turning back to when she was sure Derek was out of earshot. "Don't you think you're being a little harsh on Daddy?"

Cass shot Meredith a death glare. "Daddy broke his promise," Cass said harshly.

Meredith pulled Cass's hair away from falling in front of her face. "Daddy promised that he'd fix your leg and he did, Cass."

"No he didn't!" Meredith did not even flinch from Cass's sudden outburst. "I can't play tomorrow because my leg isn't fixed!"

"Sweetheart," Meredith said. "Daddy fixes brains."

"I know," Cass interrupted.

"Daddy fixes brains and he still fixed your leg for you. He hasn't fixed legs for many years." Meredith said, trying not to explain anything in medical jargon. "Daddy did fix your leg, Cass. That's as much as any doctor can do for your leg. It needs to heal by itself before you can play again." When Cass's eyes locked on Meredith's, she knew that she was getting her point across.

"I've been really mean to Daddy," Cass said slowly, hugging her pillow beneath her. Meredith didn't feel the need to guilt Cass any further so she stroked Cass's hair instead and left her with her own thoughts.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

"You have a sticker on your surgeon hand," Cristina commented as she stood next to Meredith, making notes in her charts. Meredith looked at her and true enough, there was a sticker of a pony or a unicorn or whatever it was on the middle of her hand.

"Oh," Meredith said. "Brett put it there this morning."

Cristina laughed and rolled her eyes. "Mommy track," Cristina said. She looked up momentarily and pointed with her pen. "Speaking of which."

Meredith looked up to find Cass hobbling down the hallway on her crutches, looking wildly to her left and right. "Oh my god," she muttered as ran down the hallway towards her daughter. "Cass!" she called. "Cass, what are you doing here?" Cass's eyes were red rimmed and she was breathing deeply. If Meredith didn't know any better, she would have guessed that she was close to hyperventilation. "Cass, why aren't you in school?" Meredith checked her watch and concluded that it must be near lunchtime.

Cass shook her head and looked around the hallways. "Where's Daddy?" she asked. Meredith looked towards the board and couldn't find Derek's name on the board.

"I don't know, Cass. What are you doing here?" Meredith asked again.

Cass shook her head again and began to look around more frantically. "I want to talk to Daddy," she said again.

"Okay," Meredith said, turning Cass towards the direction of her office. She looked to one of the nurses and leaned forward so that Cass couldn't hear her. "Can you page the Chief and tell him it's urgent? Tell him it's about his daughter."

Meredith walked Cass as quickly as possible to her office and the whole time. "Cass, sweetheart, how did you get here?" Meredith helped Cass sit on the couch and stroked her back soothingly.

"I left during lunch and I took a taxi. I used my lunch money." Meredith had to applaud Cass's independence and resourcefulness; when she had tried to run away when she was little, she had made it to the bus stop before turning around and running back home. "Where's Daddy?" she asked again frantically.

Meredith couldn't understand why Cass needed to find Derek so badly after she had been so angry with him for the past couple of weeks. "Someone paged him, Cass."

She heard Cass whisper something to herself before nodding and clasping her hands together tightly. Meredith started and the door and willed it to open, hoping that Derek wasn't in a meeting of some sort.

"Mer, I was in the middle of-" Derek trailed off as he observed Cass near tears on the couch. He quickly closed the door behind him and kneeled in front of Cass. "Princess, what's wrong? What are you doing here?"

It seemed like exactly the wrong thing to say as Cass broke down in tears and wrapped her arms around Derek's neck. "I'm sorry," Cass sobbed as her entire body shook. "I'm sorry I was mean to you, Daddy. I'm sorry." Cass continued to repeat her words over and over, her voice straining through her sobs.

Meredith was taken aback as she observed the scene; Cass had skipped school and found a way to the hospital just to apologize to Derek.

Cass's cries continued to escalate as Derek moved next to her on the couch and pulled her into his arms so that she was cradled on his lap, just like he used to do when Cass was younger.

"Shh," he whispered to her. "It's okay, Cass."

As Cass continued to cry Meredith knew that she wasn't about to calm down anytime soon. She left her office briefly to tell Derek's secretary to reschedule his meeting. When she returned to her office, Derek was still holding Cass in his arms, whispering that it was okay and that he loved her regardless of what she did.

**MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD**

It had taken a lot of convincing on Derek's part, but he had gotten Mark to take over for the night and managed to reschedule the rest of his surgeries for the next day. Cass was glued next to him on the bleacher, she hadn't left his side since she had started to cry at the hospital.

"I'm proud of you for coming to the game, Cass," Derek said to her softly.

Cass nodded and snuggled closer under Derek's arm. "Thank you for coming with me Daddy."

Derek kissed the top of Cass's head. He would do anything for her and he was sure that even Cass knew that. Beside him, Meredith was fixing the zipper on Brett's coat and on the far right section of the bleachers, Nate was laughing with his friends.

"Didn't I promise you that everything was going to be okay?" Meredith asked, draping one arm over Derek's shoulder and giving him a winning smile.

Derek smirked right back. "You were right," he said. Derek kissed her quickly, not wanting to create a scene in front of other parents and students. "I love you," he added in.

It was Meredith's turn to smirk. "Because I'm always right?"

Derek made sure Meredith's eyes were on him and he gently took her hand in his. "Because you're you," Derek replied, like it was the most obvious answer in the universe.

**A/N- In a way, this was sort of a gateway chapter into the second part of the story, if you will. Cass is no longer a child anymore, she is growing up and starting to behave a little differently. In the coming chapters, I really want to focus on how Cass will be growing up as a teenager and how that affects her family around her, and it's not always going to be easy. In this chapter, I really wanted to target Derek and Cass's relationship and more specifically, how Derek feels that he always needs to fix the people around him and how in their eyes, he needs to be perfect, he needs to be the savior. **

**I will also try to include more of Nate and Brett; they are her brother and sister after all and more MD scenes. Honestly, those are just fun to write anyhow and I do know there weren't too many in this chapter. Apologies, and I promise there's much more to come.**

**Another note: I tried to make Cass's injury as realistic as they come, but.... It's basically what happened to me at a game in 7****th**** grade; I still don't know how it really happened with shin guards and all, but it did, so I hope that it came out realistically in the end.**

**Thank you for your unending patience and wonderful reviews. They help so much when it comes to motivation. If you have anything to say, good or bad, please let me know. Thanks again and so sorry for the wait. And the long A/N.**


	13. Feels Like Home, Twelve

**Disclaimer- I could never come up with that proposal. That's the legend I'm talking about!**

**A/N- Sorry for the wait! It's that time of year again, finals and mid semester finals and all kinds of tests and whatnot. But I did my best and hopefully this chapter doesn't disappoint! After all that's happened, I decided Mer and Der really do deserve that happy ending. Especially after last night! So here it is, and here's to Mer and Der! All I can say is hallelujah and finally! So here's to them.**

**Recap- Cass is 12, Nate is 8 and Brett is 5. Happy reading!**

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* * *

**

"We're here!" Brett shouted as she pressed her nose against the glass of the car window. Meredith heard Cass and Nate scramble towards the windows as the view of their cabin came into view. Beside her, Derek sighed. They had been driving for nearly three hours in the off-roader and he was beginning to feel as though he had made a wrong turn about two hours back.

The cabin looked almost the same since they had last visited in April for a weekend fishing trip. Derek knew that Mark had visited during the summer and it seemed as though he left it in pretty good shape.

"I thought we were lost," Meredith admitted quietly.

Derek laughed. "I thought so too." He swung the car around so that it was parked slightly haphazardly in front of the house. Miles outside of the city, there was no one there to bother them about trivial things like parking. Cass, Nate and Brett were out of the car as soon as it stopped moving and as Derek followed them to the back and helped to unload the bags, Meredith stood in front of the car surveying their house.

It was an absolutely beautiful house, even Meredith who didn't know much about real estate and interior design could safely say that. It had been the first of their vacation homes that she and Derek built together, the second being their beach house in Sonoma. They had built it back when Cass was only three years old as a weekend home but the blueprints quickly escalated to a full blown vacation home. "Mer," Derek called, holding both their bags. "Are you okay?"

Meredith looked towards Derek and Cass, Nate and Brett who were already running towards the house. "Yeah," she said, running up to Derek and taking his hand. "I love this place."

Derek smiled. The cabin had everything he could possibly need for a perfect vacation; his family, fishing and seclusion so he understood exactly what Meredith meant. He opened the front door and smiled instantly at the brown tones that greeted them. Derek found they were surprisingly calming. "Guys, go unpack," Derek instructed as Cass, Nate and Brett dumped their bags in the hallway and ran into the living room.

"Wait," Brett said looking around to the connecting kitchen. "Do we have food?" Brett's eyes looked frantic as she observed the empty kitchen and Derek laughed. Every day after work, he had been making trips to the supermarket to pick up orange juice and chicken and marshmallows and the most obscure things that Meredith requested. The amount of food stashed away in the car was unbelievable; he couldn't believe that a family of five really ate that much and yet he knew it would all be gone within the time they were here.

"We have tons of food," Meredith assured. Brett seemed content with the answer and followed Cass and Nate up the stairs to her room.

He smirked. "That's an understatement," Derek commented as he began to unpack the food in the kitchen.

Meredith smiled. "True, but I'll eat half of it anyway." Derek smiled but couldn't deny the fact that his wife could put away more than him when it came to food. Meredith slid off one of the island stools and took the loaves of bread and put it in the bread bin.

"Thanks for helping," Derek said, a smirk still on his face as he closed the refrigerator.

Meredith's smirked too, one to mirror her husband's "It's my vacation." Derek raised his eyebrows and placed the multiple jars of peanut butter on the counter.

"Oh yeah?" he challenged, pushing Meredith against the island counter and wrapping his arms tightly around her waist. Meredith smiled and responded by wrapping her arms around his neck and locking her lips on his in a slow and deep kiss. Derek smiled and pulled Meredith closer to him so that every inch of their skin was touching.

By the time they broke apart, both Meredith and Derek were breathing heavily. Meredith managed to get in maybe one full breath before Derek's lips were on hers again. This time, his hands moved from around her waist to snake under her shirt and although Meredith savored the warm pressure of Derek's hands on her stomach, she pulled away from him and pushed his hands off her. "We're not having sex on the kitchen counter," she said jokingly.

Derek smiled and kissed her cheek. "We should. It's our vacation remember?" Meredith laughed as she placed the orange juice cartons in the fridge. Derek looked at Meredith with surprise; her laugh sounded more carefree and airy than usual.

"Unless you would like to scar your children for life, we will not be doing that." Meredith said. She walked up to Derek who was placing the packs of marshmallows and candy on the top shelves and wrapped her arms around his waist. She lay her cheek against the soft fabric of his shirt and inhaled the scent that was so clearly Derek; Meredith knew that she could pick it out from a mile away. "But tonight you might get lucky," she whispered for him alone.

**

* * *

**

Meredith had a little insane way of unpacking that Derek thought was one of the most adorable traits about her. She would dump the entire contents of her bag on their bed and go from there. Derek wasn't in the least surprised when Meredith dumped her whole suitcase worth of contents onto their bed but he did smile when he saw her black bikini at the top of the pile.

"Derek!" Meredith exclaimed as she fished out the two pieces of the bikini and held one in each hand. "Did you put this here?"

Derek shot Meredith a smile that told her yes, in fact he did. "It's for the hot tub," he said. Meredith raised her eyebrows at him and he shrugged. "You're going to need it later."

Meredith walked passed him and whipped him lightly with the bikini strings. "You better hope I wear it," Meredith replied.

Derek laughed and passed Meredith a pile of her clothes. "I took your other one out so unless you want to go completely naked, which I am more than fine with…"

Meredith bumped her hip against Derek's as he helped to place her clothes in her drawers. "You're unbelievable," Meredith said but Derek had a hard time believing her with the smile she was wearing.

"I'm going to go check on them," Derek said, giving Meredith a quick kiss on the cheek. As Derek walked down the hall, he could hear the echoes of Brett and Cass's laughter.

"Go fish," Brett said, shaking her head, her blonde hair bouncing on her back. Nate groaned and took a card from the deck.

"Why do we have to play go fish?" Nate asked as he sorted his cards in his hands.

Cass cradled her arms close to her chest. "Because Brett doesn't know how to play poker, Nate."

"We can teach you, Brett. It's really fun," Nate said. Derek stifled a laugh, a twelve year old and an eight year old trying to teach an inquisitive five year old poker would definitely have its humorous moments.

"I like go fish," Brett said stubbornly. Cass was the first to notice that Derek was standing in the doorway.

"Hi, Daddy!" Cass said with a smile. Derek smiled and joined the circle that they had created, pulling Brett onto his lap.

Nate placed his cards on the floor face down. "Can we go fishing yet?"

Derek looked out the window and frowned. "It's getting dark, buddy. But we can go first thing tomorrow."

Nate seemed to accept Derek's answer. "Can I help with dinner?" Nate asked instead.

"Oh, me too," Brett said letting her cards fall to the floor.

Cass set down her cards neatly. "I'll help too," she offered politely.

Derek stood up and set Brett on her feet. After all these years of knowing Meredith and being married to her, she had never really improved as a cook. But thankfully Cass, Nate and Brett had always been a little more enthusiastic about cooking than their mother was. "Okay, then," he said. "Wear your jackets because it's cold outside. I'll meet you downstairs."

Derek walked back down the hallway to his and Meredith's room and opened the door, "Hey," he greeted, looking immediately to the clothing free bed. "Done unpacking?"

Meredith shut the drawer and turned to him with a smile. "Yeah," she said. "And I'm starving."

Derek laughed and offered her his hand, which Meredith promptly took. "Want to help with dinner?"

It was Meredith's turn to laugh. "I'll make salad, if that's what you mean."

As they walked out of their room, Derek grabbed the two sweatshirts he left lying out on the dresser and handed one to Meredith. "It's cold outside," he explained.

When Derek slid open the kitchen door that led to the deck, he saw that Cass, Nate and Brett were already outside, staring at the barbeque grill. "What are we having?" Cass asked.

Derek thought to the food he had left in the refrigerator. "Uh, steak, I guess. Everything else is in the freezer."

Meredith slid the door open to the deck, carrying the ingredients for salad in her arms. "Who wants to help me?" she asked.

Brett ran over to Meredith who set the ingredients on the patio table. Meredith smiled; it was always Brett who would help her with making the salad, she and Derek wouldn't let her near the stove yet, or in this case, the barbeque grill. "Can I tear the lettuce?" she asked.

Meredith handed Brett the lettuce. "Remember to tear it in small pieces," Meredith said.

Derek lit the flame under the barbeque grill and turned to Nate and Cass. "Can you guys get five potatoes, please?" Derek asked.

Nate nodded and ran into the kitchen, throwing open all the cabinets and drawers looking for the potatoes.

"Daddy, where are the potatoes?" Cass asked calmly as Derek slid open the door to the kitchen where Nate was still throwing open the different bags and cabinets.

Derek laughed. "Next to the bread bin." Cass calmly walked to the counter and picked out five potatoes.

"Hey," Nate said, looking at Cass holding the potatoes. "No fair. That's cheating."

Cass laughed. "No one said you couldn't ask Daddy." But nevertheless, she handed her brother two of the potatoes and carried them out and placed them on the grill. Derek smiled at how easily Cass and Nate worked out their problem; he had been worried that when they grew up, they would fight with each other till no end, but besides the occasional fight, Cass, Nate and Brett got along with each other well.

Without looking over, Derek could sense Meredith at his side thanks to her shampoo. "Salad's done," Meredith said, looking through the cupboards for the dressing. Derek opened the one of the top cupboards and passed Meredith the two bottles.

"That was fast," Derek commented as he took the steaks out of the fridge.

Meredith shrugged with a smile. "Maybe I've gotten better at this whole cooking thing."

Derek laughed. "So do you want to help with the steak?"

Meredith laughed too and shook her head. "If you want me to burn dinner, then sure."

"Mommy, are you cooking?" Brett asked slowly. Derek saw Cass and Nate shoot looks at each other.

Meredith sat down on the patio bench and picked a tomato out of the salad bowl. "Do you want me to cook?" Meredith asked innocently.

"No!" Cass, Nate and Brett all said unanimously. Meredith stifled a laugh and looked to Derek who was trying to hide his smile.

"I'm not that bad," Meredith said, picking out another tomato

"Last week, you burned my toast," Cass said, rolling the potatoes on the grill. "And when you made macaroni, half of it was stuck at the bottom of the pot."

Meredith couldn't help it, she laughed. She was a downright horrible cook, she was just incredibly lucky that she married someone who could cook and that her family had no objections to take out from time to time. "Good thing Daddy's cooking then," Meredith said.

Cass hopped up onto the table. "Yeah," she agreed with a smile fishing for an olive. Meredith gave her a nudge with her elbow and Cass laughed.

"That smells really good," Brett said as she looked to the grill. Derek looked to Brett who took a deep breath of the barbeque scent.

Meredith popped one more tomato into her mouth and sat back against the cushions of the bench. "If Mommy made it, it would just smell like smoke," she said. Derek laughed and separated the food onto five plates.

"Okay," Derek said as he turned off the grill. "Dinner's ready."

Brett was the first on her feet as she ran towards the grill and picked up the plate that was closest to her. Derek made sure that the rest of his family had gotten their food before he picked up his own plate and took his place besides Meredith.

He watched as Meredith and Cass cut small, bite size pieces and Nate cut half the steak and attempt to shove half of it in his mouth. Brett had her fork poised over her potato and her head tilted up to the sky. Her blonde hair caught the setting light of the sun and she took a deep breath. "Brett," Derek said, looking over at her. "You okay?"

Brett took another deep breath. "It smells good here," she said.

"Yeah, and if you don't eat it, the smell will go away," Nate said, eying Brett's plate.

"No," she said, using her fork to shove Nate's away. "I mean that the outside smells good. It smells…clean."

Derek was taken aback by Brett's comment. Living on the outside of the city had always been a little more calming, clean, and fresh than the city but as Derek inhaled the air, he couldn't help but agree with his five year old. "Yeah, it does, Brett," Meredith answered. Derek looked at Brett and then to Meredith. He wasn't surprised that Meredith felt that way too.

**

* * *

**

Meredith's eyes opened instantly when she reached for Derek and was greeted with a cold bed. She pushed herself off the bed and found his side of the bed neatly made. The floor was cold when her feet touched the wooden floorboards and she grabbed for the first item of clothing her hands touched; one of Derek's shirts.

Meredith wrapped it closely around her body as she opened the door to the room and walked quickly down the hallway and steps. As she neared the kitchen, she smiled. Derek always got up early at the cabin to make breakfast. "Hey," Meredith said, walking into the kitchen.

Derek smiled the moment he saw her and handed her a mug. "Good morning," he said, giving her a quick kiss. "You're up early."

Meredith accepted the mug gratefully and slid onto one of the island stools as Derek scooped out another spoonful of batter of pancake mix. "The bed was cold," Meredith said as she took a sip of the steaming drink.

Derek leaned over the counter and dropped a kiss on Meredith's cheek. "Sorry," he said.

Meredith swept her hair back from her face and tied it into a messy bun. "We didn't get to the hot tub last night," Meredith commented lightly, licking a drop of pancake batter off her finger.

Derek raised his eyebrows at his wife. "We made up for it in other ways," he said. As if on cue, they heard a door slam upstairs followed by two more. "Looks like they're up," Derek said.

Meredith smiled and helped Derek line the plates on the island. "Looks like it," she agreed.

Cass was the first one down the stairs, her hands in her hair expertly swirling it into a bun. "I smell pancakes," she said cheerfully as she climbed onto one of the stools and pulled a plate in front of her.

Nate ran to the sliding glass door before sitting down at the table. "It's a good day for fishing, right Dad?" Out of all his children, Nathan was the most enthusiastic about fishing, although Cass and Brett followed closely behind.

Derek looked up at the door and smiled. "Yeah, buddy. It looks sunny outside."

Brett looked up from her maple syrup dripping plate. "I get to learn a new cast today, right?"

Meredith looked to Brett with a smile. Derek had already taught Cass and Nate all the fly fishing casts, even the more complicated ones but Brett was still learning. "Yeah, munchkin. I can teach you a new cast today."

Nate finished breakfast in record speed and let his fork clatter on his plate. "I'm done. Let's go fishing."

Derek laughed and calmly took a sip of his coffee. "Calm down, Nate. We'll all go after breakfast."

Nate sighed and blew up a puff of air to clear the hair in front of his eyes. "Hurry up," he said, patting both Brett and Cass on the back. They rolled their eyes at each other and broke down into a fit of giggles that no one could understand but yet, it made Derek and Meredith both smile. "What's so funny?" Nate asked looking asked, looking at his sisters.

They both shrugged simultaneously. "Nothing," Cass and Brett said. Meredith noted how alike her daughters' voices were, when they spoke in unison it sounded like one voice.

Derek heard Nate mutter something indistinctly about girls before walking back upstairs, presumably to get ready. When Cass and Brett finished breakfast, they both bounded up the stairs and Meredith helped Derek to clear the plates that they had left in their wake. As Derek turned on the water, Meredith hopped up on the counter next to him and watched as he washed the dishes.

"Are you going to catch us dinner?" Meredith asked conversationally as she handed Derek her cup.

He laughed and took the cup from her. "I hope so," Derek said.

"Good," Meredith said, hopping off the counter and positioning herself between the sink and Derek. His arms immediately came around her and Meredith didn't even mind it when the water from his hands soaked through her shirt. She pressed a quick kiss to his lips. "Because if you do, we can celebrate." Meredith tiptoed so that she was speaking directly in Derek's ear. "In the hot tub."

**

* * *

**

"Okay," Derek started as soon as he saw the water near. "You can fish by yourselves if you want, but I still need to be able to see you."

Nate shrugged. "Okay," he said, taking off towards the water, his green fly box knocking against his knees. It had been a gift from Derek as part of Nate's eighth birthday present and he had been waiting for an excuse to use it.

"Be careful!" Meredith called to Nate as he dropped his backpack on the rocks before the river and sat down to pick out a fly from his box. "You too, Cass," Meredith said as Cass walked off to the left of the water.

"So Daddy," Brett said, taking Derek's hand when they reached the rocks. "Which cast do I get to learn?"

"Derek, I'm going downstream a bit," Meredith said, giving his hand a squeeze and then detaching their hands. Derek watched as Meredith balanced expertly on the rocks as she walked downstream. He had taught Meredith to fish years ago, back when they had first married, and with the number of trips they took to the cabin over the years, Meredith had quickly become an expert.

"Daddy," Brett whispered, pulling at Derek's arm. "Come on." Derek smiled and led Brett into the water, being careful not to go too far in so her small frame wouldn't be buried in the water.

"Okay," Derek said standing to Brett's side. "I'm going to teach you the side arm cast."

Brett looked over to their left at Nate who was already casting. "Is that the one Nate's doing?" she asked.

Derek looked over at his son casting expertly under a couple large boulders in the middle of the water and smiled. Nate's cast was flawless and as he looked over at Cass who was fishing even more upstream than Nate he saw that her cast was pretty near perfect as well. "That's the one," he told Brett quietly. "This cast is really good for not getting caught in the wind and for getting around rocks," Derek explained. "So, basically, all you want to do is move your arm from side to side and as you reach the front, bring your arm down a little bit."

Brett mimicked Derek's arm motion. "Is it like baseball?" she asked.

Derek held back a laugh. He remembered when he had first taught Nate the side arm cast and he had completely confused his baseball swing and cast, substituting one for the other and consequently, driving everyone a little crazy. "Well," Derek said slowly, trying to come up with an analogy that would make sense to Brett. "It's kind of like a baseball swing, except down here," he said, poking Brett's side. She let out a loud laugh and quickly slapped her hand over her mouth to cover the sound.

"Sorry, Daddy," she said quietly. Derek looked at his youngest daughter, her smile wide, her blonde hair catching the sun and framing her face and her blue eyes looking into his and he smiled.

"Don't worry about it, munchkin." Derek handed Brett her fishing rod, which he had already put together for her. Out of Cass, Nate and Brett, Nate was the only one who knew how to put together, take apart and fix fishing equipment. He had found Derek sitting on their porch back in their Seattle home after a particularly long day at the hospital fixing the reel for his fishing rod. Nate had claimed he couldn't sleep and Derek hand spent a good portion of the night teaching his son about fishing equipment. The next morning, Meredith had found them both sleeping on the porch.

He watched Brett cast her line once and as the fly landed gently on the water, Derek smiled. Brett had always been a fast learner, even when she had been little. "Perfect," Derek commented as Brett reeled in her line and casted again. On her fifth cast, Brett felt a tug at her line and reeled in her line slowly. Derek found himself holding his breath as the fish neared and Brett dipped her hands into the water and easily grabbed onto the trout. She unhooked the trout from her fly and wrapped her little hands around the fish as she set it back into the water.

"I don't like watching them die," Brett explained as she watched the fish swim away.

Derek nodded as he stood up and dropped a kiss on the crown of Brett's head. He knew Brett was always lucky when it came to fishing, whether it was at their cabin or down at the water by their house in Seattle and yet she would never come back with a single catch. "Remember not to put your hands anywhere near your mouth," Derek said as he retreated through the water and moved a little more downstream.

Derek managed to cast his line maybe twice before he heard Meredith sloshing through the water. "You know, this is why you never catch any fish," Derek said smiling, holding out his hand to Meredith so she wouldn't fall face down.

Meredith rolled her eyes but accepted Derek's hand. "I catch fish all the time," she said, pulling Derek's arm around her waist. "And I don't see you with any fish." Derek switched hands and easily brought the line behind them and into the water.

"I'll catch something," Derek said, pulling Meredith so that she was standing right in front of him. He wrapped his arms around her while reeling in his line and inhaled the scent of her hair, warmed by the sun. "You smell incredible."

Meredith smiled and rested her head on Derek's shoulder. "You just want in my pants," she accused.

Derek laughed gently and pushed some of Meredith's hair off her neck and attached his lips to the spot he loved best, a little above her collar bone. "You taste incredible, too," he murmured.

"You so want in my pants," Meredith said quietly as she tipped her head so that Derek had better access to her neck.

Derek was close to dropping his fishing rod, a state of the art, extremely fragile, custom made fishing rod that Meredith gave him for his last birthday. But when he was with Meredith, there was not much in the world that he could focus on other than her. "I do want in your pants," Derek agreed, reeling in his line and casting again.

Meredith laughed and looked over to their children. Brett was still dutifully practicing her side arm cast, Cass was varying up her casts and Nate was unhooking his fly from yet another trout. "You better hurry up," Meredith commented lightly, leaning back awkwardly to kiss Derek. "Nate's beating the crap out of you."

Derek laughed as he looked over to the catches Nate had proudly lay on the rocks. With Meredith's sloshing through the water and their combined laughter, they would have to walk far upstream in hopes of a catch. "Either way, we're getting in the hot tub tonight," Derek said.

Meredith laughed and shook her head. "If you insist," she said dramatically.

* * *

While Derek and Nate had gone out for round two of fishing after lunch, Meredith had caved and set up the hot tub. When Brett and Cass had gone upstairs to change, Meredith had found one of the bags of marshmallows Derek had hidden and opened it.

Meredith heard Cass gasp when she saw the bag of candy. "Brett!" Cass called up the stairs. "Mommy found the marshmallows!" Meredith heard Brett bounding down the stairs and when she ran into the kitchen, her pink robe billowed out from behind her.

"Where were they?" Brett asked in wonderment, grabbing a handful of marshmallows from the bag.

Meredith smiled and led her daughters towards the hot tub on the deck. "They are somewhere that you shouldn't know about because Daddy and I know that you sneak them to your room at night."

Cass's face reddened as Meredith opened the double doors leading to the hot tub. "Oh," she said with a slight giggle. "You, uh, know about that."

"Yeah," Meredith said, raising the temperature of the water slightly. "We know about that." She sighed contently as the warm water surrounded her, instant therapy for her sore muscles.

"I so don't want to go back to school," Cass said, dipping her head under the water and soaking her hair.

"Mommy, do we have to go back?" Brett asked, grabbing another handful of marshmallows.

Meredith understood Cass and Brett's reluctance to go back to Seattle; their lives were hectic and stressful back there. But here, everyone could find a way to forget that. "Yeah," Meredith said eventually. "But not for three more days." Cass groaned and sank her head under the water again. "Hey," Meredith said. "Let's talk about something else." Meredith saw Brett quickly glace over at Cass and she raised her eyebrows. "Any cute boys in school?" Meredith asked conversationally.

Brett shrugged. "No, not really," she said slowly. "But Jimmy gave me his brownie on Friday."

Meredith stifled a laugh. "That was nice of Jimmy," she said, although she had no recollection whatsoever of this Jimmy character. "Did you say thank you?"

"Yeah," Brett said. "He wanted me to kiss him but I thought that was gross. He always has glue on his face."

This time, both Meredith and Cass laughed. "Brett, honey, I think you have high standards," Meredith said.

Brett's eyes narrowed. "What does that mean?" she asked.

"It means that you want a lot of things from people," Meredith explained.

Brett still looked confused. "But Daddy says to never settle." Meredith laughed loudly, tossing her hair back from her face. Derek would say something like that.

"That's true too, honey," Meredith offered. "What about you, Cass. Any cute boys?"

Cass shook her head, her gaze on the swirling water beneath her. "No," she answered quickly.

"Liar," Brett began and immediately, Cass splashed water onto her, widening her eyes and shaking her head.

"Wait, wait, wait," Meredith said, leaning forward. "Who is this boy?"

Cass's cheeks immediately turned tomato red. "Tommy from my class. He kind of…" her voice trailed off and Meredith found herself greatly anticipating the end of her daughter's sentence. "Asked me out."

Meredith immediately smiled. She, too, had been around Cass's age when she was first asked out, although Ellis never knew that. "What's so bad about that?" Meredith asked calmly.

Cass shrugged. "It's just really weird," she said. "He keeps following me around and looking at me. I don't know how to make him stop it."

"Well," Meredith said seriously. "Just tell him that you think he's nice and that you just want to be friends."

Cass frowned. "And if that doesn't work? Because he's following me everywhere and it's kind of scary."

Meredith paused, looking for the right answer. "Tell him you don't want to date anybody and that he's not your type."

Cass considered the answer. It seemed harsh but it got the point across. "Remember," Meredith said, passing Cass another marshmallow. "Never settle."

* * *

"Your casts were looking really good this morning," Derek complimented his son as they casted into the water. He saw Nate's proud smile as he reeled in his line.

"Really?" he asked, looking up at Derek.

"Yeah," Derek said, whipping his line into the water again. "You even caught more fish than I did."

"That's true," Nate said. Derek laughed. Nate was becoming more and more like him everyday, even Meredith noticed that and Derek couldn't help but feel proud. He watched as Nate cast again into the water, sharp, precise and damn near perfect.

"So," Derek began, looking down at the Yankees baseball hat on Nate's head. "Any girls in school that you like?" Derek remembered when his mother had asked him this very question almost daily when he had been younger and he had groaned and swore his way through his answer. Mark, however, had no problems answering.

Nate shrugged. "No, not really. But girls keep giving me candy and stuff. Lauren gave me a movie ticket last week."

"Did you take it?" Derek asked as he tried a side arm cast to work his way under a large rock.

Nate shook his head. "I felt bad because she wanted to go with me but I didn't want to go with her. So I told her to give it to someone else."

Derek smiled. "Good for you. Make her come after you," he said.

Nate looked up at him, clearly confused. "What?" he asked.

"I mean that the girl should chase after you," Derek said.

Nate was still looking at him as he cast his line again. "But what about Mommy? Didn't you chase after her?"

Derek looked at his son, shocked. "Where did you hear that?"

Nate shrugged. "I heard Mommy and Brett talking."

Derek laughed. All through college and med school, he had been the type A girls-should-chase-after-me-type but when Meredith had so coolly rejected him several times when they had first met, he had quickly changed his game plan. "Mommy was very different," Derek said eventually.

"Hey, Dad," Nate said as he reeled in his line. "Did you and your dad fish a lot?"

Derek instantly thought back to when he was eight years old and his father had taken him upstate almost every other weekend to fish. Often times, Mark came along too. "We used to," Derek said. "But my dad died when I was twelve."

"Oh," Nate said quietly. Derek was surprised, he thought he had told his children about his dead dad long ago. But then again, the moments when he talked about his father, even with Meredith were simply rare. "You're not dying or anything, right?" Nate asked slowly.

Derek pulled his son close to his side and rested one hand on his shoulder. "No, I'm not dying or anything," he answered.

He felt Nate exhale slowly. "Okay," he said. "Because I like fishing with you, Dad."

Derek nodded. There were a thousand and one sentimental things he could say in this moment but he chose not to. "I like fishing with you too, buddy," Derek said.

**

* * *

**

"Didn't we bring three bags of marshmallows?" Derek asked as he opened another bag of jet-puffed's. Meredith's face went red, although she had opened the bag for Brett, Cass and herself to share this afternoon, she could safely say that she had finished at least three quarters of the family sized bag, if not more.

"We might have finished a bag today while we were in the hot tub," Meredith said, looking up at the ceiling.

Derek laughed and closed the cupboard. "And by we, you mean that Cass and Brett had a couple and you ate the rest."

Meredith rolled her eyes and opened the graham cracker box, breaking off a half for herself. "You assume that because I eat a lot," Meredith said.

"No," Derek insisted. "I assume that because your face is red."

Derek laughed as Meredith rolled her eyes at him again. She walked to the cupboard where they stored their s'mores maker and pulled out the toasting grill and ingredient holders. "Uh, Derek," Meredith said, peeling off the sticky note at the top and handing it to him.

"Blew up a marshmallow and broke the grill. Sorry," Derek said, reading out the post it note. He knew that Mark must have broken something the last time he came here, it would only be so long until he found it. He was just glad it wasn't the heater on the hot tub or anything like that.

"We can do what I used to do," Meredith compromised, breaking off a piece of chocolate.

Derek put the s'mores maker back in the cupboard and turned to her. "Which is?"

"Use the fireplace." Derek's eyes snapped to hers. "What," she said. "You've never done that before?"

Derek shrugged and took a marshmallow from the plates, which Meredith was carefully arranging. "I always used a campfire. Or a s'mores maker."

"My mother never took me camping so I had to find a way to do all that stuff in the house. It worked really well though."

Derek sighed; he had a feeling it was something to that effect. "I'm sorry, Mer," he said to her quietly.

Meredith bit off half a marshmallow and shrugged. "Don't be," she said. "I loved it."

Still, Derek leaned across the counter and pressed a kiss to her forehead. He had never been able to understand how Meredith had grown up with a mother like Ellis and turn out to be such a wonderful mother herself.

"Hey," Brett said, skipping into the kitchen. "You're eating all the s'more stuff."

Meredith laughed and popped the remaining half of the marshmallow into her mouth. "There's lots of stuff left," she assured her daughter while carrying the plates over to the fireplace.

"Mommy," Cass said as she hopped up on a stool. "What are you doing?"

"I'm bringing all the stuff here so we can use the fireplace. Because Uncle Mark broke the s'mores maker."

Cass looked to Derek. "Seriously?" she asked with a smile.

Derek laughed and helped to bring the plates over. "Seriously," he said. They all shrugged and followed Meredith to the fireplace, spearing their marshmallows the moment they sat down. "Two marshmallows each," Derek said as he speared his own and set it close to the fire.

Almost as soon as they had started Nate had lit his marshmallow on fire. "I lose," he said, although he didn't seem all that disappointed. They had always made it a point to see who could produce the best marshmallow, although Nate always lit his on fire and called it quits within the first minutes. Nate sandwiched his marshmallow in between the graham crackers, added a piece of chocolate and took a huge bite.

Brett and Cass were still concentrated on creating the perfect marshmallow when Derek gave up as well and lit his marshmallow on fire. "They taste better this way," he said when both Cass and Brett gave him the 'seriously' look.

Meredith laughed but gave up as well when hers was only a little brown on the outside.

"Just eat it already," Nate said as he speared his second marshmallow and saw that his sisters were still on their first.

"No," Cass said calmly, spinning her skewer. "They taste better when they're all golden-y"

Nate shrugged. "Mine tasted really good," he said to no one in particular.

"I like it when we're all together," Brett said suddenly. She spun her marshmallow quickly and took it away from the fire. "I like it here. I don't want to go home."

Meredith quickly looked to Derek and then at the sparking flames. She understood Brett perfectly; back in Seattle, as hard as they tried, it was hard for them to really spend any time together other than dinner and even that was hard at times. She and Derek were always busy at the hospital, Cass had her soccer practices, Nate had his guitar lessons and Brett had ballet. The moments they got to spend together as a family were rare.

"What are you talking about, Brett," Nate said as he blew out the flame from his marshmallow. "This is home."

**

* * *

**

Derek had made sure that Cass, Nate and Brett were all asleep before he went looking for Meredith. The last place he knew she had gone was the kitchen to clean up what was left of the s'mores.

He walked quietly down to the kitchen where he observed everything neatly put into its place; the dishes were stacked in the cupboards, the s'mores ingredients were back on their shelves, he hoped and from the looks of it, the bottle of wine he had stowed along with them was gone from the fridge. Derek smiled; he knew exactly where Meredith was.

Derek slid open the glass door to the deck and walked toward the hot tub, where sure enough, Meredith and the bottle of wine. "So you got into the hot tub without me," Derek said to Meredith who had a large smile plastered on her face.

Meredith shrugged and reached for her glass of wine. Derek noted that there were two glasses on the deck. "You could join me now," she said innocently. "I have an extra glass of wine."

Derek shook his head with a smile and in record speed, he had his shirt and pants off. "Derek!" Meredith exclaimed as he got into the tub. "What are you doing?"

Derek smiled and accepted the wine that Meredith offered to him. "You told me to join you," he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Meredith laughed and let her head rest on the edge of the hot tub. After this vacation, she would seriously consider having a hot tub installed in their Seattle home; their jacuzzi didn't work half as well on her muscles as the hot tub did. "You look relaxed," Derek commented as he took a sip of the wine and placed it on the deck.

Meredith laughed quietly. "You have no idea," she said quietly.

Derek closed his eyes and let the heat work out the knots in his muscles. "What did you guys talk about today?" he asked eventually.

"Boys," Meredith said, taking a sip of her wine. "They're both really popular with the boys at their school."

Derek smiled. "I'm not surprised," he said.

"We also talked about how they should never settle," Meredith said and she was sure that she could see the slightest bit of color rise to Derek's cheeks.

"They're too beautiful to settle," Derek said simply.

Meredith laughed but she couldn't help but agree. "What did you and Nate talk about?"

"Girls, believe it or not." Meredith laughed again, her son who disliked most girls but his sisters talking to his father about the very subject.

"And?" she pressed.

"And he's popular with the girls too. Although he doesn't seem interested in any of them," Derek said. Meredith was glad; she wasn't sure if she could deal with boyfriends and girlfriends at their young age.

"I guess they take after me, then," Meredith teased, raising her eyebrows at Derek.

"I had my share of girlfriends," Derek argued, draining the remnants of his wine glass and placing it on the deck.

"Right," Meredith said with a laugh. Derek smiled and grabbed her arm and pulled her so that she was straddling him.

"I got you, didn't I?" he said, pressing his lips lightly to the skin above Meredith's bikini top. She wondered how they had gotten from light banter to where they were now.

"You did," she agreed, reaching behind Derek to turn up the heat of the water. She felt his hands snaking their way up her back to tug at the loose bikini strings and when he had undone them, Derek tossed the bikini top off to the side.

Derek felt Meredith breathing heavily against him as he pulled out the elastic from her hair and tossed that to the side too. He waited until her eyes locked on his and when they did, Derek smiled. "I love you," he said softly.

In response, Meredith lowered her lips to his and kissed Derek deeply, her tongue clashing with his. She felt one hand at the strings of her bikini bottoms while the other held her close. "I love you too," she whispered for him alone when they broke apart. "God, I love you."

**

* * *

**

Meredith wasn't one for waking up early, which didn't exactly cooperate with her career, but when she opened her eyes and saw the glint of the rising sun, she got out of bed and quietly opened the double doors to the excessive balcony Derek insisted they build for mornings such as these.

It was still dark outside, but over the trees, Meredith could see the faint line of orange promising a new day. She smiled and pulled her knees up to her chest, trying to ward off the crisp November air. In a couple hours the sun would be high in the sky and they would all be on their way back to Seattle. Back to their regular lives. Mentally, she counted the dates in her head; it was possible that they could be back for Christmas but realistically, it would probably be near February before both she and Derek could both take leave from the hospital again. And even then, it wouldn't be much.

She sighed and took a deep breath of the clean, crisp air surrounding her. Meredith hadn't understood Derek's fascination with all things wilderness when they had first met, but now she did; the tranquility of being the only ones for miles around, of having just yourself and nature with no lives hanging in balance except your own, that couldn't be recreated anywhere but here. Even in Seattle, their pagers could still get the better of them.

"Hey," Derek said softly, placing a blanket around her shoulders. Meredith jumped, she hadn't even heard the door open.

"Hey," she greeted, taking the cup that Derek handed to her. Coffee the way she liked it. Meredith could always count on him for that.

"What are you doing up?" he asked sitting beside her on the balcony. Meredith opened up the blanket and wordlessly invited him to join her.

"I wanted to watch the sunrise," she said. Derek wrapped his arm around her shoulders and Meredith lay her head on his shoulder. It was no surprise she felt warm instantly. "You know, we don't have to save any lives here or be on time for anything," Meredith said slowly.

"Yeah," Derek agreed. Meredith sighed and wrapped her arm over Derek's waist.

"I wish we could stay here. Like this, forever. Not go home and save lives."

Derek nodded and looked at the land around him. It was around the same size of land that they owned back in Seattle, but the cabin and land here held an entirely different meaning. The house back in Seattle was their lives, their past, present and their future and their beach house was their escape but the cabin was who they were, it was the definition of them. "You're my home, Mer," Derek said to her quietly. "We could live at the beach house or the Seattle house, here or in a box for all I care, but you, Cass, Nate and Brett are my home. You're my home."

Meredith felt her pulse increase, but there was no need to respond. She was sure Derek knew that she felt the same way too. She took a sip of her coffee and pulled the blanket tightly around them, wishing that she could still the moment, stop time and just let everything stay the way it was for a little while longer.

Instead, she hugged Derek tightly and watched the sun slowly creep up in the sky, giving promise of a new day and the future that lay uncharted ahead of them.

* * *

**A/N- So I hope you liked it! This was such a fun chapter for me to write, it practically wrote itself. What I really wanted to explore in this chapter was what type of family the 'Shepherd's' are and I wanted to show that even though they've got insane lives, they're still an incredibly close knit family. And of course, what better way to show it than in their natural element, the woods. There have been a lot of requests for more MD scenes and although I don't like sporadically throwing one in here and there, I hope that what I've written was okay! I've never brought myself around to writing a full fledged sex scene, but maybe one day. Please review if there's anything you'd like to see more off/less of/good things/bad things. Thanks again for reading!**


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